30th day of thanksgiving

I have to say I have had a great month of reflection. I am thankful that I took the time and effort to be thankful. Sometimes it's too easy to get caught up in the hussle and bussle of day to day life and forget to stop and thank God for what we have instead of begging for what we don't have.

Precious Lord Jesus.....
Thank you does not even begin to explain my graditude for all that you have given.
ALways more than I deserve, but always exactly what I need.
The words to a song have been my prayer the last few days...
"Open up the sky and pour down like rain. We don't want blessings, we want You.
Open up the sky and pour down like fire. We don't want anything but You."
I am so excited to be a part of the wonderful move of God through this city.
Thank you for using little ol' me.
I love you!!
Amen.

Don't be afraid

The last 3 days I have been in retail hell.....and loving every minute of it!!

I am so excited that people have quit listening to the media, and loosened up a little bit.
People are out spending money and buying the things they need and want.

We had a jam packed weekend at the furniture store...and I met a lot of really nice people too. Added bonus!!

I love being around people....and finding out where they came from, and who they are....it is always intriguing to me.

All I can say is I am so tired.....I'll be glad to get back to normal this week.

Thankful Thursday...a few hours late

All I can say for today is I am thankful for the time God has given me.

Time with my husband.

Time with my girls.

Time to be the kind of wife and mother I should be.

Thank you God for more time.

I love a clean house...I love pinesol, and I love clorox wipes, and I love febreeze.

I just wish I was home more to be able to keep the house the way I like it. But when I get home I am so wiped out, I don't feel like cleaning.

WAIT A MINUTE...Stop the train!! I went from a thankful heart to a complaint in a second flat. I should be thankful that I even have a job right now, there are a lot of people who don't.

So back to my original thought....I love clorox wipes & pinesol & febreeze. They make me happy!!

Sleepin' In.....

Tomorrow morning is going to be the best morning I've had in a long time...I am claiming it in advance.

No alarms clocks going off.....no one has to be anywhere at a particular time....
And Tyler is finally at the point that if she does wake up before me she just goes into the living room and turns on the TV then gets a bowl of cereal.

Tyler is my oldest, she is now 10yrs old. I have wondered for years at what point would she go from being a young wild and crazy early bird to a pre-teen who I can't drag out of bed in the morning. When I wake her up at 630 to get ready for school...usually she pops right up and hits the ground running. Well...this past Monday morning, she growled, rolled over and says "just 10 more minutes mom." YEEHAW...We're there!!!

So tomorrow morning....John better get ready, we are going stay in bed as long as possible and just snuggle!! Its gonna be the best day ever!!! I can't wait.

New traditions

Tonight I went to Ingles and spent 60 blessed dollars on food to cook on Thursday. And I am so excited!!

This is the first year in my snuggly little family's history that we are having Thanksgiving dinner at home with just the 5 of us. And I think it will be amazing! God is starting a work in this little family....and I am so excited to be a part of it.

My momma don't know yet....so pray for me at about 830 in the morning when I tell her on the way to work. But I decided no matter how she feels....this is what's right for us! And that's all I need to worry about right now.

I love Sundays!!

I love Sundays for so many reasons!!!

Sleep in a little....yeehaw!

Church at Breakthrough....amazing!!

Lunch with the family...always good!

And today I even got a little me time....went to the movies alone!!

I love Sundays!!

Give it another try

Sometimes we forget to just stop and thank God for another day.

A second chance.

A do-over.

Wipe the slate clean and try it again.

Thank Him for the fact that we are not bound by our yesterdays.....we have another chance every morning to do it again, to do to right, to do it better....

To do it more like Him.

20th day of a thankful heart

I absolutely love my Dansko clogs. Especially a red that I bought a few months ago, they are my favorite, I think....well no maybe the brown pair are my favorite. Both are pretty close on the list for different reasons.

They are both great because they are so comfy! When I first tried a pair on I thought there was no way that I could wear those hard shoes. I wanted them for work, something with some support to keep my feet from hurting. It took about a week for me to get used how they felt, but once I did....WOW!! I wanted to wear them all the time, even with jeans at home. The first pair I got, my mom bought for my birthday last year and they were black, because that's what I mostly wear to work. I wore them everyday!

Here's where why the brown pair is the coolest comes in....I had them on at work one day, and I was helping a salesperson help a couple with a sofa and loveseat purchase. The husband looks at my feet and says "you like those danskos?" I of course answered absolutely! He then proceeds to say, "if you will sell me this sofa and loveseat for $xxx (I can't remember the amount, not the important part of the story!!) I will bring you a brand new pair tomorrow. What size do you wear?" I go completely nuts at this point....it was a price I was already going to offer him, and now he was giving ME new shoes too. AWESOME! Why can't everyday be this awesome! Turned out he was the manager of a huge discount shoe store in town. I wasn't sure if it would really happen or not....but we'll see. The very next day he comes in with a box in a bag with my shiny new brown clogs. I was so amazed and at was love at first sight!!

The red clog story is sort of along the same lines, but to top it off THEY'RE RED TOO!! That just adds to the amazement! I have always had an affection for red shoes....so much so that one summer I bought red sandals, then had to buy some red clothes to go with them. Still love those red sandals!! Anyways....one day I was out having a girl day by myself, and decided to stop by the new GB Shoes that had opened near our house. They had a ton of shoes! But nothing really struck my fancy. They had a small section of Danskos, but nothing incredible, and the prices weren't that great. I didn't "need" a pair of shoes, so I was really looking for anything. Along the entire back wall of the store, they had shoes from the previous season that were anywhere from 25-75% off. I went to my size's section...and to my disappointment really didn't see anything I wanted. Then on the top shelf I saw a Dansko box, and I thought to myself there's no way they have those marked down. So I started looking all through that wall for Dansko boxes. I found a pair of sandals that were 50% off, which for Danskos is alot of money! So I picked those and was getting ready to leave...but then I found one more box....I looked in and those were those wonderful red clogs!! I was so excited...again I love red shoes!!! I tried them on, and it was a perfect fit. (You never know with Dansko because they are sized strangely and each pair is hand made, so 2 pairs of the same size may fit different) I knew I didn't need them, but boy did I WANT them. So I took a deep breath and went to look for the tag....and there I saw that incredible orange sticky dot that made them 75% OFF!!!! I swear I heard a choir of angels sing Hallelujah!! That made them like $35....I HAD TO HAVE THEM!!!!

To this day....I still try to find something at least once a week to wear my red Danskos with.

Thursday thankful

I love my job, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job
I love my job, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.

I really do love my job....but somedays I just have to say that to myself
over and over to remind me.

Easy to pick...hard to find the time

I was holding this one all month, I knew what I wanted to talk about on the 18th from the beginning. But yesterday was such a jam packed amazing day there just wasn't time.

November 18, 1999 at 315pm God dropped an amazing little baby girl into my life. Tyler Catherine Sims. I can remember every detail like it was yesterday. Where did the time go??? Now she's 10...talking about boys, and bras, and everything else she can think of. She definitely gets it honest, that kid can talk!! But I love it!! She is 100% a mini-me. My mom always said "you just wait until you have a child like you". But I tell ya, I love every minute of it.

I hope and pray everyday that we can continue to grow our bond and friendship as the years go by. I want to be the best mommy that I can be, and show her the way she should go, but be there to support her when things don't go her way. I want to wipe away her tears of sorrow and her tears joy. I want to be there when that first boy makes her heart race....and then again when the first boy breaks her heart. I want to be the one she talks to when she's not sure what to do next...and I want to be the one to tell her that God is always the best place to look. I want to still be able to put braids in her hair, and still by able to cuddle her in my lap, and still sing "You are my sunshine" to her....but everyday she is turning more into a young lady. I want to be her first and last resort for the rest of her life.

All I can say is thank you God for giving me the best job on the earth...MOMMY!

What else....

I'm at a lost today, having a really hard time coming up with something exciting and unique to be thankful for...I really didn't think this would be so hard.

Thank God for sugar!! As I sit here and scarf down a pile of pixie sticks!

I am not a coffee drinker, caffeine doesn't do it for me. But a quick piece of candy and I am wired for the day. Ready for my second wind. Ready to keep on going.

Another 2-fer....

Yesterday I was just having a great day and completely forgot to get onto the computer much. Today's thankfulness is sort of one thing and 2 all at the same time. I want to thank God for 2 amazing women who have come into my life. I know I already did a post about our church family, and they are a part of that....but they are soooo much more than that, they are my sister and my friend.

First of all...my wonderful Beth. Girl, you are so amazing and you don't even realize it. You have helped me so much over the last few months of our growing friendship. I don't even think you know what an incredible influence you have been on me. No matter what you are going through, you are still such a rock for me...even if I didn't deserve it. I believe with everything in me that God placed you in my life. I needed your strength through these last months. And I can't imagine what God has in store for us next. If we ever really start reading our study together...I think He is going to show us both some amazing things. Look at what He's already done for us....just think about what the next step could be! I can hardly wait!!!

And 2ndly....Michelle. I don't even know where to start with you. You are a fabulous example of God's love. I strive everyday to be more like you. No matter what I am going through, you always come with an understanding and compassionate heart....even if it hurts you sometimes, you still do everything you can to comfort someone else. You always know exactly what to say to make seem not so bad. I am overjoyed to see what will come of our relationship in months to come. It can only get better!! Thank you for everything you have meant to me....I hope one day to be able to return the favor. I know sometimes it hard for you to stop being the pastor and just be a woman who needs something or someone....but anything you ever need, just ask, please.

I love you both!!

These are a few of my favorite things....

I have to say that today is a beautiful day in the mountains of NC.

For me this is the perfect weather! Because I can wear my perfect outfit....a wonderful fluffy cable knit sweater and a fabulous pair of jeans.

If there were any way for me to find a job where I could wear this everyday, I would be the happiest girl on the planet.

Add my favorite brown Dansko shoes....and there's no beating it!!

Duh....

Its harder than you think to come up with something different everyday that you are thankful for. It seemed like it would be so easy...I thought I could thank God every day for something surely...but to take the time to not take it for granted, and really think about it is tougher than I thought.

Especially today for some reason...I was having a bad day! I didn't want to think of something to be thankful for, I was cranky! I thought it doesn't matter anyway, no one actually reads these crazy ramblings....

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks...THAT'S IT!!!

I am thankful for this blog. I realized today it doesn't matter if no one reads it, because honestly...it's for me! It always has been...even if I didn't realize it. When I stop long enough to put my thoughts down on "paper", I always learn something. Its good for me! It is teaching me something. Through this I have researched things that have been amazing!! And I love it. Plus then I have made some amazing friends thru reading their blogs too. And if something I say just happens to speak to someone else...well then that's just gravy!

Brain hiccup....

So somehow yesterday I completely forgot to stop and blog about my thankfulness....I am thoroughly enjoying taking the time to be thankful, but I had such a blast yesterday with Apryl, my 7 yr old, and her friends that I completely forgot to stop and put it into words.

I'VE GOT IT!! I HAVE 2 FROM YESTERDAY THAT ARE PERFECT!!!!

First of all...I love a good day off. A day when you have nothing that you have to do...no cleaning, no errands, no doctors appointments...nothing to do but have fun!

That's what I did yesterday. I was a fabulously fun mommy!! We had pancakes, we made finger puppets, we baked and decorated sugar cookies, and had lunch at Chuck E Cheese. I wish I was super duper rich and could just do this everyday!!



My 2nd one was inspired by a little friend of Apryl's who hung out with us yesterday. We were on the way to Chuck E Cheese...let me say not talking about God, or church, or even listening to a christian radio station....and she says (very loudly I may add) "Do you have Jesus in your heart?" Which I replied, yes I do. And she made sure everyone in the car answered yes, then she says "good, me too!" I thank God for the boldness of children. The amazing me everyday. They will be the ones that reach the masses, that takes the love of God out to the world. Simply because they don't know any better.

Thankful (Day 10)

This week my husband's dad died of cancer....but honestly he is not very upset about it. John and his family have a different type of relationship than I grew up with. Our family was always close, we lived next door to our grandparents for crying out loud. I just finally figured out that what I have is special...not everyone was as lucky as me!!


I can't imagine what I would do if something happened to my mom. I don't even really want to think of the possibility. She is truly one of my best friends.


Now granted, it was not that way when I was a kid. We had your typically teenager/mom fights, nothing extreme though. One in particular I thought of this morning gave me the giggles. And the funniest thing is I don't even remember how it started.


I have to give you a little background before this story makes sense, so bare with me. There was a particular local church in Fayetteville that I had visited as a young child. They had a bus that they would go around and pick kids up to take them to Sunday school. One Sunday I went with a friend of mine, just to visit. We were probably about 6 or so years old. Well class was fine...but after that they showed us all a movie about sinners, and what happened to sinners. Keep in mind, this was a huge auditorium full of LITTLE kids, at least a couple of hundred kids. I remember this video like I just saw it yesterday!! In the video it showed a guy riding a motorcycle and listening to rock music...it claimed he was a sinner because of this....a few minutes later it showed the same rider wrecked on the side of the road with maggots all over him. This is what they claimed happened to sinners. I was so appalled, because even at 6 I knew that wasn't true....riding a motorcycle or listening to certain music did not mean you would go to hell. I stood up and stormed out of the room immediately. A teacher of course followed me....I was as much of a loud mouth then as I am now...so I proceeded to tell her that I was not watching anymore of that because it was wrong!! Needless to say I never went back there and they never asked me to come back either.

That was a lot of back story to explain that this same church had a private school....so for the rest of my years if I did another wrong all momma had to do was threaten to send me to XYZ "Christian" School (changed the name to protect the innocent) and I would straighten up in a heartbeat!!

Ok...so here's the fight with my mom. I was about 14 or 15 I think. We got into over something, me wanting to go somewhere, and she said no. Her and my dad had to be somewhere, and I was at home stewing over it. I talked to my friend on the phone, and she had a suggestion to "freak them out". She said I should turn everything in my room backwards or upside down. Turn all baby dolls to face the wall, all pictures hang upside, turn the TV around, she said to make it would make them think I was crazy!! So of course I try it....I turned my entire room on its end!! I sat there for a long time basking in my own glory, just knowing this would work, they would have to see, and freak them out! About 10 minutes before they were supposed to be home....it hit me....OMG, if she thinks I'm crazy she'll send me to XYZ school. Scared me to death!!! I fixed everything so fast it would make your head spin!!

The next day...Bailee, who was like 3 at the time, comes into my room and says "why is momma's picture upside down??"


Anyways....as I grew, and matured, and became a mother...I realized how much she means to me, and how I can't imagine life without her. I love you momma!! And thank you God for giving her to me.

A more than thankful heart....(day 9)

This whole thing of stopping each day to think of something to be thankful for is not as easy as it seems really....of course there are the easy ones, but I have been trying to think of things that you forget to be thankful for sometimes....things I take for granted.

Today it came to me in the form of a bible verse emailed to me...and I realized this was the perfect thing to talk about today.

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat of its fruit."
Proverbs 18:21

I received this verse a couple of days ago by email, and have been rolling it around in my head the last few days.

As a salesperson, I tend to think a couple of steps ahead of what I say. So basically I think before I speak. Not everyone can do this...things come flying out of their mouth before they even know it. And the next thing you know, you have hurt someone's feelings.

But here's the hitch in my giddy up....I have always done this everywhere, but at home!! Thank God He is teaching me lately how to hold my tongue at home. To hold back one more moment before you say something you shouldn't....to just not say that! not go there!

And I can't begin to explain what a difference it has made it our home. It has made me a thermostat in our atmosphere instead of just a thermometer.

Beyond thankful!!

Today all I can say is that I am so thankful that God has a plan for me. And I am thanking Him now, and in advance for giving me the patience to wait on Him.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Something new to be thankful for...

I had a very long day at work on Thursday....we were here from 9 am until almost 10 pm. And really I wouldn't mind except for one thing....

I MISSED MY SHOWS!!!

There are only 2 nights that I really watch TV, Thursdays for Flash Forward, Greys Anatomy, and Private Practice. And then Sundays for Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters. Other than that, I don't really watch much else besides Noggin and The Food Network. But I was very upset to miss my Thursday line up.

But...then my husband showed me a fabulous website yesterday. If you don't know about it, you have to go and check it out. www.hulu.com You can watch any show with minimal commercials the day after it is aired, from almost any channel. And the best part...its FREE!!!

It was so easy to find the show I wanted, pull it right up, and watch an hour show...in about 42 minutes. It just don't get no better than that!!!

Giving Thanks To Him (Day 6)

Today I just want to say a bit of thanks for a sense of humor. Because there are some days you couldn't make it through without laughing. I really think that most of us take life too seriously sometimes....it really is ok to laugh and have fun. God didn't intend for us to go through life all solemn and quiet forever....otherwise He wouldn't have made this....

If that doesn't make you giggle...nothing will!!!

A Thankful Heart (Day 5)

I have to say today I am soooo super thankful for my church family at Breakthrough. I love our church!! I can't even explain it. God is always there....you can feel it in the air. There is such an atmosphere of praise and worship in that house, He always shows up! In fact we don't ask for His visitation, we ask for habitation!! We have come so far in so short of a time, it can only be God.

Each and every week we learn something practical and useless from Pastor Nate. God lays a word on his heart every service that is always just on time.

I don't know what I want do without the wonderfully powerful women of God that I have encountered through Breakthrough. There are some mighty woman at this church, let me tell ya! Things happen when these women pray...Abigail is a testament to that one!!

When we first moved here, we had bounced from church to church looking for the right fit. My husband read an article in the local paper about a new church and suggested we give it a try. I remember I called Pastor Nate to see if they had things for the kids since they were new, of course they did! We went one Wednesday night to try it out. Tyler asked me on the way there "momma, how will we know if this is the one?" I told her, if it was right, we would feel it in our hearts. After the first service, I knew without a doubt that was where we were supposed to be. I almost joined the first night, but I wanted to see what the kids thought. We got in the car to leave, and everyone was quiet. Then Tyler beams and says "You were right momma. I did feel it. They treated me like I had always been there. I love it there." And so started our journey with the Breakthrough family.

I love all of you more than you can imagine!!

P.S. If you don't have a church family to love on you....come give us a try. Check us out at www.breakthroughwoc.org. You will leave changed!

A Thankful Heart (Day 4)

Today I have decided to be thankful for a new found love. This season I absolutely adore scarves for some reason. I think they are the coolest thing ever all of a sudden. So far I have bought 3, and my momma bought me one this weekend too.

I don't have any idea where this new appreciation came from...but I am enthralled with them. I guess I have always loved accessories but can never really find jewelry that I like, so this is a good alternative. And you can wear them so many different ways. Plus for me...it makes me feel a little more covered up, and snuggled up...which I like. It has become so acceptable to let everything you have hang out all over the place...that is so NOT my style.

Anyways....I am thankful for my new wonderful accessory!! So if anyone wants to buy me something very simple that will light up my day....it should be a scarf!!

A thankful heart (Day 3)

This morning when I woke up I decided today's thing to be thankful for would be a silly one....and I even had one all picked up....but then it changed.


This post by be short, but I will tell you I am so thankful for this today I can't even explain.
This is huge for me right now!!

I am thankful for the ability to listen. To slow down and REALLY listen to someone.

First and foremost, to be able to stop and listen to what God has to tell me. I am so excited to be hearing from my God. To know that He truly is telling me something everyday. I just have to choose to stop and listen.

And secondly today....I am excited, that with God's help, I am able to stop my mouth from running all the time and really listen to my husband. To understand where he came from, and why he is the way he is, and hear how he feels, even if sometimes he doesn't say a word.

Today....I am going to try with everything in me to listen more, and talk less. And then I will try again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day....eventually it will become a part of me.

What are you thankful for ??

Giving Thanks Day 2

I was sitting thinking about this idea last night, wondering what I would come up with each day that I was thankful for. Would they be serious everyday, or would they be trivial....would it be touching or funny....I am really excited to see where God leads me through this.

I will say that today was an easy choice though. 7 years ago this morning, my beautiful middle baby Apryl Jo was born in Florence SC. We were so excited and ready for her arrival. John's parents had come from WV to wait for her to come....they were there just sitting, and waiting, and watching me, just waiting for me to explode I think. It is funny to look back now....not so funny then.

Anyways...I am so thankful for the wonderful little girl that God is shaping her into. She's tough but loving, hard but soft at the same time. She will be the kind of girl who will never let anyone take advantage or her, or break her heart. Apryl is bad to the bone....she has already in her short little life had a broken arm and 9 stitches...and never shed a tear over either. I remember in the ER when the doctor was stitching up her chin (at age 3), she didn't move at all, or even cry. The doctor kept saying "how old is she again? I've never seen a 3 year old like this. I've been around children a long time, this child will be something one day."

AND HE IS RIGHT!!

But not because he said so but because GOD says so. He is teaching her and molding her everyday. This past year she decided to ask Jesus into her heart, and I honestly can see a difference in her. She has been so much more loving in the last few months. You used to have to beg her for a hug or a kiss....but now she wants hugs, and wants to cuddle, and wants a goodnight kiss. I see an amazing little woman growing up right before my eyes. I'm not quite ready for it yet....but I'm still in awe.

Thank you God for blessing me so much by bringing Apryl in our lives. It's an honor to say I'm her mommy!!

What am I thankful for.....

A new found friend was talking today about taking this entire holiday season and really soaking it in. Living every minute to its fullest and really taking the time to stop and appreciate it.
To stop daily and think of something that she is thankful for....whether its her relationship with Jesus all the way down to something as trivial as ziploc bags (which by the way Alice, there are great things, but those disposable ziploc containers are even better. If some "leftover" gets really disgusting in the fridge....since the container was only 75 cents, I don't even have to open it, it ALL goes in the trash. But that's beside the point.)

Anyways...back on track. She is going to take a month to be truly thankful, and to take a few moments each day to reflect on what she is thankful for. I have decided to do the same thing with my blog this month. I think its a great idea. And I encourage everyone to do it....really stop and thank God for all that He has given you or done for you.

So....for November 1st....the thing that is really on my heart today, is my wonderful hubby! God is truly (I think I am using that word too much today, but it just seems fitting every time!) anyways....God is truly showing me lately just how amazing John is, and how I can be a better wife and friend to him. If God can love me every day, no matter what I do....shouldn't I be able to do the same for my husband? If I (I almost typed truly again, but I held back) ....If I desperately want to be a reflection of God's light in the world...shouldn't I be able to start in my own home?? My answer today is a resounding YES I CAN, AND YES I WILL. But I do know that it is only with God's help. God is leading my heart to show me exactly John's worth. These past couple of days at home while he was gone gave me a new appreciation for what he does everyday. Don't get me wrong I've loved spending time with my babies, but I don't think I could do it everyday. He is a wonderful husband....and my new goal is to show him everyday how much I love and appreciate him just for who he is.


So what are you thankful for today???

A New Approach

There is so much to say about what is going on in my heart this week...but it all boils down to one thing, and one thing only.

I finally slowed down enough to listen to what God has been trying to tell me all along.

I have always prayed and prayed and prayed to hear clearly from God. To know that I know that I know that it was HIM. To have some direction that I was sure was ordained from Him.
But....then I go on with the rest of my day being the stubborn, pig headed, in charge, strong women that I have grown to become. Not that that is neccessarily a bad thing....but when you were a leader in school, a leader in music for all those years, and now you are a leader at work, and a leader of something at church....that attitude, that over the top strength starts to bleed into all parts of your life. You think you can handle it all beause I am in charge.

But bottom line...I don't want to be in charge. I want to go and do what He wants me to. Things that seem huge and impossible for me, things that I had basically given up on....He can do in the blink of an eye! HELLO....He SPOKE the world into exsistance, I think He can handle my little problems. Because in the end...they are his problems too. He wants to help me, He wants to be in control....if only I will let Him.

So this week....I know that I heard from God. Now understand, its wasn't some warm fuzzy "oh you are so amazing Libby" kind of message....He really called me out on the carpet. But it was what I needed to get a new perspective and direction on my situation. I was so concentrated on myself, and knowing that since I was a Christian, I had to be doing the right thing.

Man was I wrong....it started with me. I pushed the buttons to put the whole bad thing in motion. I couldn't beleive it. I was so ashamed, so guilty....but at the same time so excited that I finally saw it! Knowing really is half the battle. Now I can change my approach, step back and start over, push the reset button, and try again.

Isn't it amazed that God always gives us the opportunity for a do over??

Going back to my early years...

I haven't blogged in a while, I have sort of been very lost in my own thoughts. Thinking I can handle it on my own...I'll figure it out...I'll be ok....I can do it.

WRONG!!

Why when we need our friends the most, do we clam up and stop telling them that we need help? Instead of running to our closest allies to hold us up, we would rather say "oh I'm fine" and hide it from them. And even worse we try to hide it from God. Like He doesn't know that we are struggling? DUH!

Anyways....that's besides the point.

I decided last night that I need some scriptures in my arsenal to help me through times like this. I will admit very fully that I am horrible when it comes to reading my bible. And yes I know that is wrong, and yes I know that's my sword....but I still stink at it. BUT....when I can study something specific rather than just read a portion, I actually tend to "get" it. So I am going back to school....each week I am going to pick a verse and learn it, really learn it!! Repeat it over and over to myself until its ingrained in there and I won't forget it. Until it becomes a part of me, and I feel it down in my spirit.

So for this week the verse I choose is perfect for how I've been feeling.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths."
Proverbs 3:5-6

This one is sort of a cheat for me because we sing a song in KidZone that is based on this verse, so I basically know it already. Or at least I know the words....but I want to get the truth of this verse in my heart. Not just repeat the words, but feel it in my soul.

We all know that He is there to guide my path, He has already chosen the way I will go. BUT here's the problem with that....I have to choose to listen and follow. Unless I have chosen to put down my thoughts, and my ways and truly follow Him...His plans for my are useless.

Just like in dancing...the man can be a fabulous dancer, know all the steps....but if as his partner I choose to try to do my own steps....it will never work. I have to relax, let HIM take the lead, and follow where ever He goes. Then it can flow smoothly.

This week I choose to allow The Holy Spirit to be my dance partner...I will stop my own advances, and allow Him to choose our direction, He will show me the way and and I decide to put me aside and just listen and go.

My amazing weekend!!

I have been trying to write this blog in my head for days NOW....but I couldn't figure out how to put into words what an incredible experience it was. I wanted to write a blog to explain our time at Duke with Abigail's surgery...explain what went through my head, what went on in my heart, what God did for both of us....but there is so much to say I can't decide where to begin. I will warn you up front...this will be a long one, but I had to get it out....mostly for me!

In my last blog I wrote how God told me that she is HIS child too, that He would look out for her. I was really in a wonderful state of mind, that I had put it completely in His hands. I was calm with it....I trusted Him to be sure it would be ok.

When we arrived in Durham, I was still just as calm. I knew that everyone was there to help her, not scare her. Every nurse and doctor we came in contact with was soooo incredibly nice. It would be so easy for them to be cold and stand-offish and mean, simply because they see this kind of stuff everyday. But no one was that way at all....everyone went out of their way to be extra wonderful!! I really couldn't believe that. The first wonderful nurse we came in contact with sat and explained everything to us. She asked me first how much I wanted to know, how much I could handle. I told her that I wanted to understand but without all the details. She sat with us for 2 hours and explained everything, she even drew an incredibly detailed picture of the heart and showed us where the defect was and how that affected her. She busted up a lot of my fears, and kept me calm through it all. She was scheduled for the first procedure of the day, we had to be at the hospital at 645am. (Here's a bonus blessing...God knew that I couldn't sit around all day waiting for it.) Anyways....so we went back to the hotel calm and prepared.

Everyone was praying for her....for us really. I honestly believe I could feel it, a true covering. There were people in every direction offering up prayers for her healing, for my strength, for our courage. It truly amazed me how BIG the prayer circles got. For weeks, I had felt pelted with "what ifs" from the devil...at this point I felt a barrier around us, protecting us from all his threats. That night, as I laid in bed with her....I just started to pray. I know that God knew how I felt, He had heard my prayers...I didn't need to ask for safety or any of that anymore....and this point I started CLAIMING things over her. I recited every declaration from Breakthrough that I could think of....

I stand against any plan the devil has for her!

I take the shield of faith and I quench every fiery dart!

She is the head and not the tail!

She is more than a conqueror!

NO weapon formed against her shall prosper!

I went on and on and on. I was crying, but not sad tears...but tears of determination, of strength, of power in HIS might.

The next morning, as we got ready to leave...I felt like I was going to absolutely puke! I was trying very hard to hold it together, to not look worried so I didn't scare her. Of course, my mom is the rock, 100% cool as a cucumber, not a flinch. Abigail was ready to roll, not a care in the world.

We arrived to the hospital....it was dead quiet in there. We are taken back to the cath lab to get her prepped. We had time for her to get to know the pre/post-op nurse, to be comfortable with her (**Another bonus blessing!!) Abigail laughed and was having fun...talking about stickers, and her sisters, and the stuffed monkey she brought with us. Then it came time to take her clothes off....she got a little freaked....but again the nurse was wonderful!!! She went and got a gown for her monkey too! And Abigail calmed down again. God placed the right people in our path, again He knew exactly what we both needed and made sure it went that way. She was ready to give Abigail a liquid sedative to "loosen" her up a little bit...she called it "goofy juice", that way she wouldn't panic or get scared when it was time to go. She warned us though that it tasted awful!!

Abigail is normally a great medicine taker....when I got this up to her mouth apparently she got a whiff of it and went nuts! Refused to take it. We had to hold her down and give it to her. But within 2 minutes the nurse looks at her and says "ready to go?" Abigail says ok, holds out her arms and goes right with her. (**Another bonus blessing straight from God**) There was no big ugly crying goodbye....for EITHER of us!! That was exactly what we needed. She was comfortable enough with the nurse that she went right to her.

The nurse comes out a couple of minutes later, says that she cried for me a little, but just hugged her the whole time until the medicine really kicked in. She gave us a pager, suggested we take a walk, get some breakfast, explore. I was not sure if I could do that or not....I wanted to stand with my nose to that door waiting for my baby to come back to me. But I knew I couldn't do that. Again, my mom the rock says lets walk down get some breakfast, it will be at least an hour. So we did....I didn't want to at first, but we did. I barely picked at a lemon poppy seed muffin...my mom says to me you have to eat it, she is going to need you when she wakes up, you have to be strong for her. I really tried to choke it down...but the last thing I could think of at that moment was me. They page us to let me know they gained access to her heart, and the procedure is officially started. So we headed back up to the cath lab to wait for her. After a while....the wonderful nurse came out and said the device is in, its all over!!

When she came out of the actual procedure, the nurse said that she would need to lay still for at least an hour to allow those wounds to clot on her leg. I knew there was NO WAY that she would lay flat and still for over an hour. Luckily they decided to leave her sedated after the procedure to allow for that. (Hallelujah!) She slept there, completely out for what seemed like an eternity! I wanted to grab her, hold her tight, and shake her awake!!!! It was so hard to leave her lying there. When she did begin to stir...it was so funny to watch her feel the grogginess of sedation. She said and did some really funny things....first her stuffed monkey was laying next to her on the bed, well at some point she saw him out of the corner of her eye and thought he was getting her. Her head spun around so fast to see what was there!! Then she says to us that she saw 2 of the same nurse! It was cute to watch her think this strange feeling through. We even asked her what she remembered....I asked if she remembered going into the other room, she said yes. I asked her who took her in there...she first looked at nana...no...mommy....no....oh yeah, her (the nurse). I asked what was in the other room...she said lots of TVs. I said what else happened...she says I cried for you, I said "(in a pitiful voice) I want my mommy". I asked what else...you could see the wheels turn and she said I don't know. So I asked how she got back out there with us....again, turning wheels, and said I don't know. Luckily....she couldn't remember a thing!! (*Another blessing!!)

God blessed us in so many ways the entire weekend. I still stand back and look at her in awe of the entire thing. How could this be? A few years ago she would have had to have a slit from her chin to her belly button, now all that's there are 2 little pin holes in her legs. AMAZING!!! Again I say God knew exactly what we could handle, what we needed, who we needed...and made sure it happened exactly that way!!!

For those of you who are interested...here is the medical part of it all. Before they went into her heart, they thought the hole was 8mm wide. The surgeon said until they actually got in there it would be hard to tell for sure. They go in through 2 veins in her legs...one for the cath and device, one for a camera. They put a small balloon in the hole and blow it up to measure the hole. It was actually bigger than they expected. All in all, hole and weak tissues around it, it was a total of 14mm, which is about a 1/2 inch. (Sounds huge, doesn't it??) The device they insert is incredible!! It is a very flexible thin piece of wire around 2 circles of gortex material. One circle goes on each side of the hole, once in place the 2 circles lock together. Within the first 12 hours, the device gets embedded in place. Within a month, tissue grows through and over the device to close the gap completely. Right now one side of her heart is enlarged because of the extra work...but he says that by the time she is a teenager her heart will be back to normal size. They did find 2 other small holes in her heart, less than a mm each. He said that if you go into any one's body you will find something. But he thinks these are no big deal. He thinks that as the tissue starts growing over this big hole, it will continue over the small ones as well. Even if it doesn't, he says these holes are not big enough to cause any trouble for her.

As I sit here typing this now....I am still in awe! I wish I could explain it more, but I can't put it into words. Words just keep flowing from my hands to the keyboard to the screen...but it doesn't begin to even touch the awesomeness I experienced this weekend.

HE was there the whole time!!!
HE was in control.
HE picked the doctors and the nurses.
HE heard my cries.
HE heard our prayers.
And ultimately, HE protected His baby girl!!!


Its funny to think back on it....there were 2 times that my mom told me afterwards that she was worried. She said the first day when she said that if they couldn't get the device placed, they would pull everything back out, then discuss rescheduling for open heart. She said the whole time during the procedure all she could think was they would come out and say the device isn't in. The 2nd thing she said the scared her was when she came out of the procedure and was still asleep...the nurse said once she was sleeping longer than she expected. Mom said that really worried her. Ok, so here's the funny part.....neither of those things even phased me, I never considered once what if! A couple of weeks before the devil was land blasting me with "what if she doesn't make it".....it was killing me. I was so consumed with fear.

But GOD changed all of that....I was not worried at all for her safety. He was there with her the whole time!! Like a blog I read a couple of days ago...the circumstances didn't change, God didn't change, His perspective on the situation didn't change...all that changed was...

I FINALLY TRUSTED HIM COMPLETELY!!!! And still do.

I am ready!

The time is finally here. We leave for Duke in less than 48 hours. A couple of weeks ago I was scared out of my mind, I was so worried....all the what ifs were clouding my mind. I was really freaked out about everything.

I had a talk with my dad Saturday night....he was telling me to calm down, relax, pull it together. I tried to explain to him that if it were me I could handle it no problem, been there, done that! But this is my child, my baby, my little Abigail...so I couldn't get it together. I was a wreck!

Well Sunday morning I went to church expecting to cry the entire time, to be a mess, have someone pray with me, and hopefully get it together. But during Praise & Worship time....I really felt God speak directly to me. He said I know you are worried about your child, but remember she is MY child too. How much more do you think I love her and watch over her?

I stopped dead in my tracks....I had never felt something so strongly in all my life. I knew that I knew that I knew it was directly from God. All through the service, over and over I heard in my head "she's my child too". And suddenly I felt such a peace over the situation, a calmness that I couldn't explain, a togetherness that I hadn't felt in weeks.

So although our bags aren't completely packed, and the car route isn't completely picked....I am ready 100%. He is in control, He will protect and watch over her. She will come out the other side a stronger, healthier little girl with a testimony so big that only He can get the glory!!

In HIS timing....AGAIN!

Again this week I am reminded that things happen in His time, not mine. Every time I say oh I can't do that, or I won't survive that....He reminds me, sometimes not so gently, that I can. I read a quote this week that said this....

"The task in front of me is never as great as the power behind me."

Why is that so hard to remember all the time? It's easy when things are going good, our jobs are great, we aren't arguing with our hubby, all the kids are healthy, we are happy with how things are going at church...but the minute, no the second things start to go a little wrong, we forget so quickly that He that is in us is greater than he that is in the world. Why do I forget so easily? This is what I have been asking myself this weekend.

If I know in my heart that God is in control...
If I know things will happen in HIS time...
If I know He watching over us and protecting us....
If I know He is the giver of all peace....
If I know He is the Lord of Lords....
If I know that He is the provider of all good and perfect gifts...
If I know He is the Great Physician....

Why then do I worry? Why do I let my flesh take over? No the truth of the matter is what to I let the stinkin' devil convince me of anything different?

We let our past haunt us, and think since I did all that way back when...maybe God won't take care of me this time. And the worst part is we let the devil tell us over and over that we are not forgiven, that we are not redeemed, that we are not HIS!

I can talk the talk when the going is good....but this week I vow to talk the talk and walk the walk even when I don't think I can, because I know that He always has my best interest at heart.

I know that my best is truly yet to come!!!

Boxes, boxes, and more boxes

Everything I have read lately is about putting things in boxes, and stepping outside your box, and not boxing yourself in....it seems like from every direction I only hear about boxes!!!

I have always loved little boxes though....all shapes, and sizes, and colors. They fascinate me!! I like things organized too...so even better! I buy things with all kinds of little compartments to put all my crazy things in. Each thing has its place, its perfect box, or drawer, or hole. I like knowing where are things are supposed to go, and where to go when I need them.....

But life is never like that!!

We never know what to expect....or what's coming next...or who is going to come into our path. We have to be prepared for anything and everything (can I get an amen from all the mommas in the house!!) We like to be comfortable in our perfect little spot in the world...and say ok, I'll stay right here 'til Jesus comes for me. Lately, I find myself asking, is that really what He wants? Are we supposed to just sit around, do nothing, behave ourselves, and wait for Him to come again? Is that all He expects from us? NO WAY!!!!!

He has so many plans for us to carry out on this earth....He does His work through us. And unless we are ready to listen for the calling, feel the uncertainty in it all, experience the new, and see the exciting things He has in store....we could sit back and miss it all!!


Think of it this way....when I came home with all A's on my report card way back when (I mean WAY BACK when) my parents would give me the biggest smiles, and hugs, and say how proud they were of me. Think how much MORE blessing God has for us if we do what He has asked of us?? Stop and think for a minute....what if you missed out on the biggest blessing of your earthy life simply because when God said talk to "that" lady, you didn't. She's too this, or she's too that, I don't want to, I don't know her, I don't know how to say that....whatever the excuse, SO WHAT....God just said do it. He will show you how, He will lead your heart, He will guide your words, He will give you the strength, courage, faith....whatever you need to carry out His works!! As long as you step out of your box, and trust God enough to show you....

That's my prayer today....show me God....show me more each day how I can do more and be more for You!!!

He is lining it all up....

I haven't written in a few days because I really didnt know what to write about....there is kind of nothing and all kinds of things going on at the same time. But I decided this morning that it all comes down to God lining things up to happen the way He wants them to.

It great to be able to stand back and look at the situation and see where God was putting things in motion, even though we couldnt see it at the time. I read something a few weeks ago that has really stuck with me since then....and it really related to this.

We, as humans, tend to picture God as one of us, just a person, small, simple minded. But He is SO NOT THAT!!! He is not held down by time or space. He can step back and look at our whole situation all in one view...not be stuck in the circumstances like we tend to get. He can see your whole life even. He sees what you are going through and says ok she's at that point now, I think she will need a little grace for this step....ok, she made it through that now she will need a little extra healing touch for this next part....ok, now she pushed through that, she will need some loving kindness for this step. He gives us each day what we need to get through that day. If He gave me everything I needed to get through the next month, I dont think I could handle it all at once. I dont think my tiny brain can hold it all.

So this morning...I have decided to try to calm down, and take everything one day at a time. I know that is an old saying...but really do any of us ever live that way? Can you honestly say that you go through your day not wishing it was tomorrow, or the weekend?

Here is my prayer for today....
"Guide me in Your truth and teach me,
for You are God my Savior,
and my hope is in You all day long." Psalm 25:5 (NIV)

Here is another great translation in the Amplified....
"Guide me in Your truth and faithfulness and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You [You only and altogether] do I wait [expectantly] all the day long."

I will wait on You expectantly today....because I know You have something BIG in store for me today!!

Still scared...

Last night I was laying in my bed praying before going to sleep and I started praying about Abigail....and I got distracted. I was thinking about having to take her today for 2 shots. I haven't told her yet though....she knows we are going to the doctor, but she doesn't know its for 2 shots. And I was thinking about having to tell her that it is for her own good, and it will be ok.
Then, this is where the devil swooped in....I then thought about the day they will have to wheel her into surgery, without her mommy, and I will have to say those same words....it will be ok I promise, they are trying to make your better. Even as I type this today, I am crying. I am so scared for my little angel. I know that God will take care of her, and He has her and me right in His hands....but still...this will be scary.

It has been 3 weeks since her appt, and we still haven't heard from the doctors at Duke about when the surgery will be. I feel once I have a date, I can begin to prepare myself for it. I am strong in my faith, because of He that is in me....but when it comes to my children the human in me still gets scared. I am ready for all of this to be over.

New look and a new outlook

I really am trying....I promise. Thankfully the Lord is being patient with me....He is giving me the time to ask my questions, to understand, and process ALL that is going on lately. All without getting angry or disappointed in me.

I am slowly starting to get a clue....does that mean I understand it yet?...no. Does that mean I stopped questioning?...no. Does that mean I can accept it completely yet?.....no, but I'm working on it. God is hitting me with it in small bits so I can soak it all in.

It started with a verse reference. I get emailed to me each day 4 different scriptures....one on faith, one on prayer, one on healing, and then just one extra for good measure. Honestly, some days I don't get the time to really take it all in like I would like too...in fact some days I don't even have time to read it....but this day, I sat there and just stared at the words for a long time...reading them over and over and over.

It was this verse in Habakkuk 2
3 For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry.

I just sat there and read it so many times....God told me Abigail would be healed, but in His time, not mine. That I just needed to calm down, have peace about it....and wait for it. Now don't get me wrong here....I still believe she should have the surgery. I don't believe that God is saying wait for Him to miraculously heal her....but wait to see His vision for her come to pass.
So I took that as a word directly from God.

Then today on the way home from work....I think He spoke to me again but this time in a song.
The words say "You're not alone for I am here, I will wash away your every fear. My love I've never left your side and I have seen you through your darkest nights. I'm the one who's loved you all you life."
That hit me like a ton of bricks....I balled coming down that mountain road!!! He is right here....even when it feels like He's not sometimes....He's right there just waiting for me to ask Him to help. Well I am right here asking Lord....I feel so overwhelmed by all of this....work, home, church, Abigail....I need Your guidance...and more than anything Your peace about it all.

When I got home tonight, I started reading in a new bible study that me and a wonderful friend just started calling "Knowing God by Name". It takes Hebrew names of God and explains them, with verses and old hymns...well tonight's lessons was about Yahweh...and it talks about "I AM"...the thing I really got from this study is He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
Bottom line is He hasn't let me down yet, so why would He start now????

The mom in me

I am trying so hard to just hold it all together....be the calm cool christian believer who knows everything will be ok, to praise Him anyways, to smile and say she's fine, to do my regular every day stuff....when really I feel so overwhelmed by it all.

Everyone else seems to be so calm with it....meanwhile its all I can think about. It is literally worrying me to death. Now granted I am a worrier at heart, I can't help myself. But this is a new one for me....none of us or our children have really had to go through anything like this. My husband, my mom, even my friends are all so together about this....and I feel like a mess on the inside. Maybe its just the mom in me.... I don't know....but I don't know how to be any different.

The biggest question on my heart lately is why would He let her go through this? If His ultimate goal is for her to be healed and live out the plans He has for her....why this way? Why suffer? why surgery? why any imperfection? why the risk? why the worry? why the hole?

At first I was very upset by my doubt...but our pastor said this morning, you have to believe in something first to even have a doubt. So I know that I believe He is in control, and He only has plans of good for her...but still all the whys!!! I have got to work through these questions and get a peace about them...but at this point....I'm not really sure how yet.

My angel....

I have to say yesterday was a very rough day for me. Abigail had her 3 yr check up with her cardiologist for the hole in her heart. I knew that I knew that I knew that God had taken care of it and healed her. If you look at her, nothing looks "wrong" with her....she's growing as she should, developing as she should...nothing looks out of the ordinary. So I really believed that it was over. That we would go into that doctor's office and he would say "wow, I don't know how...but that hole is gone!" All along I would know it was God. I was sure that was how it would play out. I worked really hard to not think of the alternatives, to not consider the "other" options, to not even think about it.

Well....that's not what happened at all. As soon as the doctor walked in her started talking about "the procedure"....I could have been blown over like a feather. It was the exact opposite of what I expected to hear. I started crying right away...he says its really ok, she'll be fine, don't cry. I couldn't help it though...I was so disappointed. Not that I think she won't survive, or the procedure won't help her....but I was so sure that I had heard from God...it was like a slap in the face.

Of course almost immediately the devil starts whispering in my ear....you didn't pray enough, or see He doesn't love you, or why did you think He would do that for you, or if you had just..., or if you only.... Tons of negative thoughts started zooming through my mind. The devil hit me all day with the "you didn't pray enough" one...We got home and my head was just pounding with all the information, so I went and laid down for a nap with my little angel. She is so amazing....so calm at the doctor and after, even asked if we were going to the hospital today. She says to me "I love you angel" and I can't help but tear up again. I just hate the thought of her going through this....


Finally later in the evening, I was able to find some things to praise Him for in this trial anyways....
First, the doctor said she is an excellent candidate for a new less evasive procedure where they insert a device through a catheter in her leg, rather than open heart. Please continue to pray with me for this!!
Secondly, the doctor also believes that all of her lung issues are linked to this. He believes by fixing the hole in her heart, mostly likely the asthma/allergy/pneumonia issues will all go away too!
And third...luckily a wonderful nurse and then a wonderful friend confirmed that I should try to apply for medicaid for her, because of her issues....I didn't think we would ever qualify, but I decided to apply anyways....well we qualified by a margin of $60!!! That was definitely God...because now all of these trips to Duke will be 100% covered!!!

Please pray with me for continued strength and joy throughout this ordeal....they say it could be 3 months before she is able to get an appointment. I know she is not on death's door, or waiting will hurt her....its just the anticipation. I am ready for all of this to be over for her. Luckily the doctor also said she probably won't even remember it.


Here's the lesson learned in all of this....yes God said to me that she is healed....but He didn't say how or when. I imposed those stipulations on the situation, I ASSUMED it would be miraculously, I assumed it would just close on its own....maybe God's plan all along was this special doctor at Duke with a special new device that could fix all of her problems. I just have to believe that He has it all in control...and He will take care of my little angel!!!

I live to worship....

I know I blogged on this same subject last time, but this is really on my heart lately. Someone brought up this song today, and I love it!!! This video is so powerful too.

We seem to take for granted that we have the freedom to worship our God anyway we want, anywhere we want, anytime we want. But yet we still seem to hide Him away. Yeah, we'll go to church and sing and dance and cry a few tears...but then we leave the building, and before we even get out of the parking lot we're yelling at the kids, or arguing with the husband, or complaining about traffic, or hating having to go to work. We get to work, and we are a completely different person, forgetting all about that amazing worship service we were part of....we go home, and we forget about praising Him anyways....until we go back to church on Wednesday. Then we praise our guts out again....until we leave the building again, and its starts all over again. Why can't we continue to praise Him through out our day no matter what happens? Or let me change that.....why can't I continue to praise Him throughout the day? Why can I worship Him with everything I have at church or in the car....but when it comes to my regular life I can't seem to get it right??? I want to REMEMBER to thank Him anyways, to love on Him anyways, to sing to Him anyways...no matter what my circumstances look like. That's what we were MADE to do!!!


I have been working for a while with a group of amazing kids at church called Celebration Kidz. Again, if you had asked me 5 years ago if this is the ministry I would be involved in, I would have said no. But God had it planned all along!! He has to remind me of that occasionally too....this morning in church there was a new person singing on the praise team, and for a second my flesh was so jealous, I could feel that spirit coming over me. I wanted to be singing. But God quicken in my spirit....do you forget so quickly? How amazing was your praise and worship time with those kids just 5 minutes ago? That is where I have called you to be. That is what you are supposed to be doing. You are using all your talents for my glory with these kids. That is what you were made to do right now.....and He is so right! I love being with those kids....I am in awe of them every time we meet. So this week I ask for your prayers for Celebration Kidz. They have learned so much in the last few weeks....and starting Sunday, they get to put it to use. We are having our Kidz Krusade at church, and they will be the praise team for the entire week. I just want them to be as free in service as they are in practice. You can see the love for God on their little faces...and I want everyone to see that!!! So help me pray for calm, confident spirits for each of these children....that they can show the love of Jesus to all of our church family and any visitors through their praise and worship of our amazing God!!!!

A Worshipper at Heart

I have to admit I am an addict of facebook....I need a 12 step program...hello, my name is Libby, and I am addicted to facebook...but all kidding aside....
I took a silly quiz on there today that really said something true. I took a little quiz about what you were gifted by God to do...the answer to my quiz was a worshipper. The quiz was a little dumb but I really liked the explanation it give. Check it out....


"Your destiny is a worshipper. Worship is a natural instinct and a basic need for every person. A simple definition of worship is to regard with great devotion or to honor as a divine being. Worship happens when we sing to God, whether in church or alone - in our cars or in the shower. Your desire is to please the heart of God, it is worship, no matter where the location or how many are involved. A life of praise and worship fills your deepest needs and amazingly it also brings great joy to God. "

The part that struck me was its a basic need for every person. Deep down we all long to please the heart of our Father. We all are looking to make Him smile, to make His heart sing, to be a sweet song in His ear...
Then why do we hold back?? Why are we worried about what Sister So & So sitting next to us thinks about our worship?? Why are we worried if someone will notice?? Why do we stop just short of giving Him our all?? Does He hold back on us??

I have been working on the song "Audience of One" for our Kidz Krusade this summer...that's what we have to remember. Our only audience (THAT REALLY MATTERS!!) is Him. Who cares what anyone else thinks. Worship is a special time between God and ourself...no one else. Don't get me wrong though....I love corporate worship, but only because it inspires me more to go deeper with Him. I love being in service, and lost in my own little world in worship....then to open my eyes and see someone else really getting it to it....it only confirms to me that being free in worship is the right thing to do.

This morning we sang "Alpha and Omega" and all I could do was get on my knees and weep....He is the beginning and the end....and so worthy of all our praise, no matter what else is going on in our lives.

This week...stop and think....are you just singing that song because it came on the radio, or because your music minister choose it....or are you singing it with all your heart to you Father in Heaven because He deserves everything you can give and a million times more??

One Simply Request

This morning as I was praying a phrase came to me that I decided was going to be my goal.
I was praying for the couples that are at the marriage conference at our church this weekend...but then said hold on a second, I want that too!!!

I want to HEAR His voice, to SEE His hand, and to FEEL His heart.

Its that simply....I want to slow down and be quiet so that I can clearly hear His voice.
I want to see the works of His hands, to know He is in the midst of everything I go through, and His hand is on it.
And mostly to feel the heart of God, I want to be more like Him. To go to church tomorrow and love on those kids as Jesus himself would love on any us us. To show them that unconditional love, not because of something they have done, but just because who they are. To make a difference in their lives, so they can then go out and share that same wonderful feeling with other kids, or their families.


Simply put...Lord, be with me as I go through this day, I want to HEAR YOU, to SEE YOU, to FEEL YOU...in the midst of everything in my life that is crazy. I invite you in, you are welcome, come in and show yourself mightily. In your precious name! AMEN.

Sons of God

This morning our pastor mentioned in passing about the bible always saying "Sons of God" never "Daughters of God"...he said that would preach good and knock our socks off.

At first...when I thought about that I was upset....but then I stopped for a second and had a idea of why, so I wanted to research it a little bit.

Here's a scripture I found:
I Chronicles 17:11-14
11 And it shall be, when your days are fulfilled, when you must go to be with your fathers, that I will set up your seed after you, who will be of your sons; and I will establish his kingdom. 12 He shall build Me a house, and I will establish his throne forever. 13 I will be his Father, and he shall be My son; and I will not take My mercy away from him, as I took it from him who was before you. 14 And I will establish him in My house and in My kingdom forever; and his throne shall be established forever.”’”

Why would He refer to all people as he, or sons? I knew it wasn't because He thought any less of women or anything like that...but why???

Then it hit me.....with a son, the blood line doesn't stop, the inheritance continues, the family name will carry on forever....a daughter is a dead end to a family name's history, she is the end of the line.

Jesus' bloodline is to carry on for eternity...He WAS and IS and IS TO COME now and forever!! So everyone must be a son....so that we can all be a part of the family, and receive the inheritance that God has in store for us.

Romans 8:16-18
16 The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.
18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

God's Glory

This is going to be a short post, but it is something I just had to share. My daughter has been carrying an old bible of ours to church lately, and last Sunday I opened it up and found a quote that I had written on the first page. First of all, I am not a bible writer, meaning I have always thought it wasn't ok to write in your bible, so this must have been really important at the time for me to put it there. But I can't for the life of me remember where I got it, or why I wrote it....but I really like it.

It said....
Praise until the spirit of worship comes. Worship until the Glory of God appears, then just stand in the presence of the Glory of God.

Way too long....

WOW....it has been a long time since I blogged. I just got so busy and wrapped up in other things, there was just never enough time.

I have to say God is doing some amazing things in my life these days. He has provided provision when we saw none....He has provided hope in areas where I thought there was none....He has provided clear vision at work, when I thought it was hopeless....He has provided a new direction for my ministry to go....He is an AWESOME GOD!! I have to say.

One of the places I am trying to work on in me lately is prayer. Its hard for me....I forget, or lose track of time, or never know what to say. Someone said to me tonight....its just a conversation with a friend, just relax, don't over think it. Because bottom line is He already knows, He just wants to spend time with you. Well...I've been seeing new things happen in my prayer life. I really feel like God is telling me specific things. For the first time in my life I feel like God is truly speaking to me, and its amazing!!
The other day I was praying, well a better word is whining to God...I was saying that I was tired of working so hard and having nothing! God QUICKLY rebuked me...and said you don't have nothing - you have a healthy, happy family, a house to live in, a job to go to every day, a care to get there, and no one is going hungry at your house, You don't have nothing!! And He's right...why do we always cry about the things we don't have instead of thanking Him for the things we do have?
Then in children's ministry lately...I have felt such a tug by the Holy Spirit to offer salvation to the kids. I felt like I HAD to mention it. That was a strange new feeling for me. To feel truly lead by the Holy Spirit. I was in shock really...I didn't think I was holy enough for that. Plus I had no idea how to say it....how do you bring that up to a kid...but I was again reminded by a wonderful friend and sister in Christ...We are just the vessel, He is the giver of the feelings and the words. If I will allow Him to use me to speak to these children...He will give me the words to say when I should say them. I was very reluctant at first...because I remember as a child being guilted or pressured into accepting Jesus...that is exactly what I don't want to do, I don't want to be that person. I want these children to choose Jesus....to know He can live in them and through them. If they can just grasp that, think how many kids can be reached at school!! It amazes me how much closer to God our children are than we were at their age....my 9 year old asks me questions about the bible that I have no idea how to answer....but she is thinking it through, and reading, and really wanting to be a light for Jesus everywhere she goes.

Ok....now I am just starting to babble on and on since it's been a while. I had forgotten how much I liked the view from on top of my soap box (ha ha ha). Anyways....its good to be back in the blog world!

YEAH ME!

I am so excited to receive my first blog award from my wonderful new friend Lynn today!

There are only two rules to follow after accepting this award and they are...
1. Confess 5 things you are addicted to.2. Pass the award on to 5 deserving bloggers.

SO let me think of the 5 things I am addicted to....wow! it's really hard to narrow it down!!


1. Praise and Worship - I love leading this with the children at our church. I can't even begin to explain how joy it gives me to hear them all singing HOLY HOLY HOLY!!!

2. Facebook - or as I more fondly call it "crackbook". It is horribly addictive!! I just can't stop!

3. Puffy Cheetos - all the salespeople at work know that if they want something from me....all they have to do to butter me us is bring me a Dr Pepper and a bag of cheetos (but not the crunchy ones, only the puffs)

4. Popsicles - this is a new one for me. I am desperately trying to lose weight. And I found out I can soothe a sweet tooth with a Popsicle that has only 40 calories and NO fat. YEAH!!! I just finished a HULK Popsicle seconds ago!!

5. Blogs (writing and reading) - I love seeing into people souls. You are more apt to write what you really feel, rather than tell someone. I strongly suggest everyone try it. Its good to get it off your chest.


Now to pass it on to 5 deserving bloggers.....
Check this out and I promise you will be blessed!!!

Beth at www.silvertanner.blogspot.com
and also at www.momentsframed.blogspot.com

Michelle at www.hills-avl.blogspot.com

Pamela at www.inhisgraces.blogspot.com

and Sara at www.reallifeblog.net

I read all of these regularly and am so touched by every post. I hope you will be too!!!

You belong here!

I was listening to a teaching from Beth Moore this week (thank you Lynn!!) and the very first thing she said was "You Belong Here". Now of course she was saying if you were at that event, that God had you there for a purpose...to learn something, be touched by the Holy Spirit, be moved....have a moment with Him. BUT....it spoke to me on a completely different level. I had me a little holy ghost fit right there in the car. It made me realize....that I belonged in the moment where I was. I was supposed to be in this spot, in this place...doing what I am doing. God had it planned WAY before I was even born. He knew that I would face this...and would come out on the other side better!! He didn't say it would be easy....or fun....but I would come out better in some way.

I know that I am good at my job....but I am too quick to say "sure I can do that too" or "no, I don't mind" or "I'll take care of that too".....but its time to focus in....to buckle down...and do my job and not everyone else's!!! I am not going to be told that my job is not being done....because I am being kept busy with other things to do. I expect to have a very clear picture of what is expected of me....and also give them a very clear picture of what I am not going to do. One of those things is I am not going to be 5 years down the road and realize that I missed out on my children's life because I was always at work. They come first!!! Yes I have to have my job to support them....but they need ME there to support them too, not just my paycheck. I need a break....I am going to ask for a long weekend off to spend with my girls....please pray the favor of God on this meeting tomorrow....I don't want to say anything I will regret, but I don't plan on just sitting there and taking it either.

just tired....

This I think has been the longest week in history....I am so confused about the next step to take....which way should I go? I have asked my husband what to do....I've asked my friends...I've asked my mom....I've asked my dad....and thursday, I am supposed to meet with my boss to see which way he thinks I should go...

But I haven't stopped to ask God which way He thinks is best. If He sits above and can see the whole path...beginning and end...why wouldn't I think to stop and ask Him for directions?? Because we like to think we can figure it out alone, don't bother God with my silly problems, I can use the brains HE gave me to figure it out.
BUT...here's the catch...our teeny tiny brains can only process so much, can only see so much, can only understand so much. HE on the other hand knew this fork in the road would be in front of us on this day at this moment before we were even born. HE KNEW!!! So why not ask Him for the directions? Why not depend on His advice? Why not allow Him to help us....because He is sitting there waiting for us to ask.

He should be my refuge, my stronghold, my portion, my deliverer...so why not lean on Him???

Psalm 61:1-4
1 Hear my cry, O God;
Attend to my prayer.
2 From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

3 For You have been a shelter for me,
A strong tower from the enemy.
4 I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;
I will trust in the shelter of Your wings. Selah

Stop and Let God Show up

Man...this morning at church was amazing!! There is no other word for it. Truly awesome!! OK, so maybe there is another word for it!!

I keep trying to start telling the story but I kept having to delete and back up a little more in the story to get the entire picture. So....I am typically not in "big church" first thing because I lead praise and worship with the kids. But this morning because of Tyler and I's dance...we were in the right from the beginning. At Breakthrough, we do declarations in faith each week as a body. There are wonderful. Because I am not usually in there...I had forgotten how powerful and amazing they are (I keep using that word today...AMAZING!!) We say things like "I put on the whole armor of God and no weapon formed against me shall prosper" or "I am victorious against my enemies" and "I am the head and not the tail" or "I will carry the spirit of this house in our businesses, our homes, our schools, and our communities"...I got all choked up right from the beginning this morning....I was worried that I would be too stirred up to dance....HELLOO!! IS there ever such a thing as too stirred up in God????

SO then it was time for Tyler and I...first she read Ecclesiastes 3:1-4....in a nutshell it says there is a time on earth for everything!! I tell you what this entire experience....and especially THIS day was right on time for me!!! I almost busted hearing her read that scripture aloud. It warmed my heart so much...to know how much this means to her...to see her grow in the Lord, to be excited to be at church and not feel dragged to church each week like most kids do. I was about to explode...and this was all before we even got started. As an aside...I love our church....our Pastor said to everyone one beforehand please don't sit down and watch...get up, get excited, even do a little holy dance too if you want to.....and everyone did!!! Everyone was on their feet, singing, and clapping and encouraging us....it was amazing!! (There's that word again!!) It was an incredible feeling....for 2 reasons for me....first I wanted everyone to see its ok to worship God with movement, in fact it is incredible!! 2ndly....I was so proud of Tyler...for putting her mind and heart to something and really going after it...she worked so hard, and you could see in her face that she really felt it too....she loves Jesus and praising Him. Again...I could have exploded...but it keeps going....

We went from that into Praise and Worship...which is always great at Breakthrough....but today, it was different, everyone seemed free-er (I'm not even sure that's a word) We sang "there will never be a friend as dear to me as you"....and the whole time all I could think was...the word friend does not even begin to explain it, it's not near big enough of a word...He is so much more than that. Friends can come and go...friends get into arguments....friends can still hurt your feelings sometimes....but He is so much more than that! SO much BIGGER! So much better!!
Our last song said "I will praise the Lamb of God who sits upon the throne. He who was and is and is to come, I will sing before your throne forever" But my favorite is the second verse "all the angels sing and they bow down and they sing holy, holy". I have told the kids lately that there are angels that fly around the throne 24/7 just saying holy!!! I love any song that says HOLY....it gets me all stirred up. In fact I looked for the verse about this and couldn't find it....if you know it please let me know. So this particular goes into "holy, holy" and I just feel to my knees and thanked Him for everything He has done, is doing, and will do!! I got lost in the moment actually....then I realized EVERYONE was lost in the moment....God was definitely at Breakthrough this morning. It was amazing!! The Holy Spirit was moving through us all....so many were praying and worshiping. I can't even begin to explain the incredible feeling that was just in the air....

This is getting way long so let me get to the point of all this rambling....Nate started talking about going through the motions of church, being a member, doing the right things, but do you really know Jesus??? It stopped me in my tracks....its true, yes of course I know Jesus....but do I really "KNOW" Him? Do I have a relationship with Him? Is He truly IN me? The answer was no....I had let what I thought was a lack of time keep me from really seeking His face. I had some things from my past that were really bothering me lately...things I wasn't sure I deserved forgiveness for....then it hit me...I don't deserve forgiveness, but He gave it anyways!!! By the grace of God I am released from it, and redeemed from it. So...since He let it go, I have to do the same....I have to allow myself to stop looking back, and just move forward with Him. And God said to me to leave it behind, and that may mean leaving some of those people behind too...the ones that remind me of those times when I wasn't all I was supposed to be, the ones who try to keep you as "that girl they used to know".....that's not me anymore!! And thank God its not.

I still have some soul searching to do over this....but I am determined to seek Him more...not just when I need something from Him....but all of my days!

I am adding the link for this song that I talked about...let it speak to your heart today.