I have to say yesterday was a very rough day for me. Abigail had her 3 yr check up with her cardiologist for the hole in her heart. I knew that I knew that I knew that God had taken care of it and healed her. If you look at her, nothing looks "wrong" with her....she's growing as she should, developing as she should...nothing looks out of the ordinary. So I really believed that it was over. That we would go into that doctor's office and he would say "wow, I don't know how...but that hole is gone!" All along I would know it was God. I was sure that was how it would play out. I worked really hard to not think of the alternatives, to not consider the "other" options, to not even think about it.
Well....that's not what happened at all. As soon as the doctor walked in her started talking about "the procedure"....I could have been blown over like a feather. It was the exact opposite of what I expected to hear. I started crying right away...he says its really ok, she'll be fine, don't cry. I couldn't help it though...I was so disappointed. Not that I think she won't survive, or the procedure won't help her....but I was so sure that I had heard from God...it was like a slap in the face.
Of course almost immediately the devil starts whispering in my ear....you didn't pray enough, or see He doesn't love you, or why did you think He would do that for you, or if you had just..., or if you only.... Tons of negative thoughts started zooming through my mind. The devil hit me all day with the "you didn't pray enough" one...We got home and my head was just pounding with all the information, so I went and laid down for a nap with my little angel. She is so amazing....so calm at the doctor and after, even asked if we were going to the hospital today. She says to me "I love you angel" and I can't help but tear up again. I just hate the thought of her going through this....
Finally later in the evening, I was able to find some things to praise Him for in this trial anyways....
First, the doctor said she is an excellent candidate for a new less evasive procedure where they insert a device through a catheter in her leg, rather than open heart. Please continue to pray with me for this!!
Secondly, the doctor also believes that all of her lung issues are linked to this. He believes by fixing the hole in her heart, mostly likely the asthma/allergy/pneumonia issues will all go away too!
And third...luckily a wonderful nurse and then a wonderful friend confirmed that I should try to apply for medicaid for her, because of her issues....I didn't think we would ever qualify, but I decided to apply anyways....well we qualified by a margin of $60!!! That was definitely God...because now all of these trips to Duke will be 100% covered!!!
Please pray with me for continued strength and joy throughout this ordeal....they say it could be 3 months before she is able to get an appointment. I know she is not on death's door, or waiting will hurt her....its just the anticipation. I am ready for all of this to be over for her. Luckily the doctor also said she probably won't even remember it.
Here's the lesson learned in all of this....yes God said to me that she is healed....but He didn't say how or when. I imposed those stipulations on the situation, I ASSUMED it would be miraculously, I assumed it would just close on its own....maybe God's plan all along was this special doctor at Duke with a special new device that could fix all of her problems. I just have to believe that He has it all in control...and He will take care of my little angel!!!
Well....that's not what happened at all. As soon as the doctor walked in her started talking about "the procedure"....I could have been blown over like a feather. It was the exact opposite of what I expected to hear. I started crying right away...he says its really ok, she'll be fine, don't cry. I couldn't help it though...I was so disappointed. Not that I think she won't survive, or the procedure won't help her....but I was so sure that I had heard from God...it was like a slap in the face.
Of course almost immediately the devil starts whispering in my ear....you didn't pray enough, or see He doesn't love you, or why did you think He would do that for you, or if you had just..., or if you only.... Tons of negative thoughts started zooming through my mind. The devil hit me all day with the "you didn't pray enough" one...We got home and my head was just pounding with all the information, so I went and laid down for a nap with my little angel. She is so amazing....so calm at the doctor and after, even asked if we were going to the hospital today. She says to me "I love you angel" and I can't help but tear up again. I just hate the thought of her going through this....
Finally later in the evening, I was able to find some things to praise Him for in this trial anyways....
First, the doctor said she is an excellent candidate for a new less evasive procedure where they insert a device through a catheter in her leg, rather than open heart. Please continue to pray with me for this!!
Secondly, the doctor also believes that all of her lung issues are linked to this. He believes by fixing the hole in her heart, mostly likely the asthma/allergy/pneumonia issues will all go away too!
And third...luckily a wonderful nurse and then a wonderful friend confirmed that I should try to apply for medicaid for her, because of her issues....I didn't think we would ever qualify, but I decided to apply anyways....well we qualified by a margin of $60!!! That was definitely God...because now all of these trips to Duke will be 100% covered!!!
Please pray with me for continued strength and joy throughout this ordeal....they say it could be 3 months before she is able to get an appointment. I know she is not on death's door, or waiting will hurt her....its just the anticipation. I am ready for all of this to be over for her. Luckily the doctor also said she probably won't even remember it.
Here's the lesson learned in all of this....yes God said to me that she is healed....but He didn't say how or when. I imposed those stipulations on the situation, I ASSUMED it would be miraculously, I assumed it would just close on its own....maybe God's plan all along was this special doctor at Duke with a special new device that could fix all of her problems. I just have to believe that He has it all in control...and He will take care of my little angel!!!
3 comments:
Standing with you and not going anywhere! Love you!
My precious Libby,
I had not visited in longer than I thought. I want you to know that I will be praying for you and your sweet little girl.
I know the enemy was just crouched at the door of your heart waiting to start whispering his lies to you. I am so glad that after some thinking, praying, and soul searching that you realized that God is the provider of the healing that He has promised. His way and in His time.
Keep on believing God my friend. He will not ever let you down.
With tons of love and prayers,
Lynn
We love you guys and will continue to pray for her healing. I had prayed fervently for Liv's hernia to be healed, well it was. God used an awesome surgeon's hands at MUSC in Charleston, SC to do it!
Keep believing,
Lisa
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