Hide all the mirrors!!

It is so hard to look in the mirror and see someone you didn't even realize you had become. What happened to that happy go lucky girl, who was all about her music, and didn't care what anybody else thought of her? Where did she go? I wish she would come back, I miss her.

But, in the same breath...I'm glad she's gone. We go through (notice I said through!!) things that shape us into the people we are to become. And on top of that, we go through (again with the through) the things that God has planned out for us so that we come out on the other side a different person. A smarter person, a more loving person, a more devoted person, a more focused person, a person that God can use to do His work.

It is very easy to lose sight of the person we want to be, and get caught up in the everyday, angry, hurt, bitter, miserable, fill in your own adjective, crazy person that we swore we would never be. In the process of praying for my husband, I am daily asking God to mold me into the wife I should be. Its amazing how many of the issues are not with him, but they are with ME!!! It isn't that he isn't listening to me about God, its that I'm not talking about God in front of him. It isn't that he won't consider going to church, its that I quit asking. Simply because I wasn't getting the answer I wanted right away. I can't expect it to be different overnight...it's a process. God will not throw Himself on you, He's not intrusive. He has to be invited in. I can't expect my husband to just wake up and one day say "Oh wow, I need God". I have to be patient, loving, kind, and continue to pray.

Lord, help me to be open to anything you would have me say so that I may be a small part in doing Your Will, not mine. Help me to stay calm and focused even when the devil is screaming at me that it will never happen. Help me to be the kind of wife you want me to be, cleanse me of any anger, past or present, any hurt feelings, anything that I could be holding against him. Soften my heart so I can be the best vessel for you that I can be. Renew me, remake me, undo me, unbreak me. In Jesus name I humbly pray. Amen.