Me versus the other me....

Why is it so hard for me to see me the way others see me?

Do I hide the real me?

Do I only know the true me?

Do I wear a mask?

Am I just my biggest critic?

Who's right....them or me?

This last week, me and a few friends tried a little experiment. We wrote a letter to ourselves about how we see ourselves, and then wrote letters to each women about what we see in them. It was so hard for me to write the letter about myself! I wanted to be honest, not what I want to be, or hope to be, or what I thought other people want to hear....I wanted to write what I really thought of myself. Bottom line I ended up saying I was not enough! Not enough of a wife, not enough of a mother, not enough of a salesperson, and definitely not enough of a christian.

I don't read my bible enough, I definitely don't pray enough, I always forget to remind the girls to brush their teeth at night, never remember to clean out their ears, I am sure there are dust bunnies under my couch, and I almost always leave at least one pair of shoes somewhere in the house other than the closet. So how is it that my friends see me as an amazing example of a christian wife and mother? They talked about patience, and kindness, and a loving heart, and an incredible spirit, and seeing Jesus through me. Why is it so hard to see in myself???

Earlier in the week I had read Psalm 139, that explain exactly how God sees me, how He feels for me. If he is my example....then I should follow His lead on this as well.

Psalm 139:1-24 (NKJV)
"1 O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall[a] on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[b]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

19 Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God!
Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men.
20 For they speak against You wickedly;
Your enemies take Your name in vain.[c]
21 Do I not hate them, O LORD, who hate You?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22 I hate them with perfect hatred;
I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
24 And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting."


As an aside....do the letters with a few friends, take the time to send a few gals a nice heart felt, hand written letter....nothing on this earth is more precious than an encouraging word!