Where's my miracle?

It has been a while since I have written, I have sort of been lost in my own misery and not really sure how to get out of it or share it either. I tend to always tell people who ask me "Oh I'm fine" or "Good and you?" and never really talk to anyone about what is going on. I have never had very much luck on the friend scene, so I have a hard time sharing with anyone. And yes, I know, that's not the way God intended, but I have just felt very isolated lately. It's hard to share my worries and concern about our household with so many happily married christian couples. Some days its hard to even sit in church and look around and see so many couples there together. It hurts my heart so much, I can't even explain it. When I see a family sitting together on a row, and the husband very lovingly puts his arm around his wife's shoulders as she shivers with tears during a service touches my heart and breaks it all at the same time. Today a very nice dad at church says to me "you look like your hands are full, can I help?" I almost broke down into tears, I shouldn't have to depend on another man to help us get to the car after church, MINE should be there!! Not only for himself, but for us! I am sick and tired of seeing other families praising together, or praying together....it's mine turn. It may sound selfish...but this is where I'm at.

Well this morning at church God spoke very clearly to me. Just because it may not look like He is doing a work in our house, doesn't mean He is not right in the middle of our mess. Just because the vision He has given me about our family can't be seen right now, doesn't mean it's not coming. I have to be able to look past the current circumstances and see clear to the end result, and just BE PATIENT!!

I just realized something I said to Tyler this week, that I should take as advice for myself. It's much easier sometimes to teach it than to believe it for ourselves. Tyler's eye has been acting up for a while due to allergies, it has been red, and itchy, and irritated. We prayed over it directly one night, laid hands on it and asked that the aggravation be taken away from her. I told Tyler that when we pray for healing, it doesn't always just miraculously get better, it could mean that we know the right medicine to use, or it begins to clear over a few days. But I wanted her to understand just because it didn't immediately change, didn't mean God wasn't listening to her prayers. Well about 2 days after that, she was standing next to me, and my mom was saying maybe we should go see a doctor for it. Right at that moment, I looked at Tyler, and it was in just the right light, and at just the right angle, I saw what looked like a scratch on her eye. So I knew it was time to see a doctor. I talked to Tyler on the way to the doctor, that this was God answering our prayers. If I hadn't looked at her face at exactly that moment I wouldn't have seen it, and probably wouldn't have taken her to the doctor. Plus, I told her that God gives the doctors the knowledge to help us as well. So even though it look like a miraculous healing, God still had a hand in it all along. I need to take these teachings to a 9 year old and apply them in my own life! And remember just because we can't see our miracle right now, doesn't mean it's not coming.