Daily Tidbits

Thankful for His favor in my life

2010-06-29T14:05:00.002-04:00

I will be straight honest with you....there are things going on in my life right now that I do not deserve. Granted none of us really deserve the blessings we receive...we deserve much worse. BUT...He freely gives it anyways. :)

I believe with all of my heart the wonderful things that are going on in my life...
the weight loss
the amazing closeness at home
the sales I get at work
the new fresh anointing that I am receiving
the renewed spirit
the words being dropped in my heart from HIM
are ALL as a result of getting myself in line with what He has in store for me. I am not having to work as hard as I should to receive these things, but HE is bestowing them on me because I am walking in the path He set forth for me at this point in my life.

I believes He is saying....
Oh, you are willing to memorize scriptures...then I will drop off a pound

Oh, you are willing to put your all into this ministry, then I will send the right customers to each day

Oh, you are willing to step up and be the example, then I will create a bond between you and your husband you would have never imagined would be there

Oh, you are willing to be in prayer more for your friends, then I will give you more friends to be a part of your life

He wants to bless us with those extras....but only when we are willing to offer up the extras!! A very dear friend of mine and former pastor used to say "Get under the spout where the glory comes out!" Line yourself up to receive all that He has for you!!

Thankful for a Friend in HIM!

2010-06-28T12:41:00.002-04:00

We sang a lot Sunday morning about Jesus being a friend above all other, closer than a brother, far behind any other we can even imagine...

Can you believe that? Not only does He love us as a father loves a child, but He wants to know us as a friend too.

No matter what I say...He still wants to talk with me.

No matter what I do....He still longs to be near me.

No matter how far I run....He is still waiting for my return with open arms.

So today...thank you Lord, for wanting to be my friend, and allowing me to be Yours.

What to be thankful for today???

2010-06-26T16:23:00.003-04:00

I will say I am having a hard time thinking of something specific to be thankful for today. Not that there isn't plenty to be thankful for, hear me there, I do know that. But to put a name on it is hard today for some reason...

Of course I am thankful for the silly things....Homestyle popcorn, scrambled eggs, diet dr pepper...am I hungry or what?? There must be something besides food that I am thankful for.....

AHA! I've got it!! I thought of this a couple of days ago, but just didn't write about it. Me and John and the girls have been enjoying the outside alot more lately than normal. We have gone to Linville Caverns, Linville Falls, Mills River, Pisgah National Forest, and falls at Dupont State Park. We live in an amazing beautiful world. God made us a wonderful world to live in. And sometimes we really take it for granted. I want my girls to realize that not everyone has the opportunity to see all the beautiful things like they do right out their backdoor!!

So today I am thankful for the gorgeous sunshine, trees, flowers, falls, mountains, rain, clouds, all the wonderful creations of a magnificent God!

My Friend and Partner in Crime

2010-06-25T15:39:00.002-04:00

Today I have been completely distracted with all the millions of things flowing through my mind....ministries, and websites, and blogs, and opportunities, and emails to send....and music....and meetings....
There have been so many ideas in brain today that I can hardle keep them under control. My mind is just reeling!

Then I realized where it was all coming from....its all BETH'S fault!! LOL!
In a good way though! I am so proud to call her my friend. Every day she challenges me to do more and want more out of life, out of my realationship with my Savior. When I try to hold back, and not get too excited...she reminds me that nothing is too big for my GOD! She continues to remind me that He wants to bless me and my family with above and beyond all that I can imagine! She says she will be excited for me if I want.

I honestly need her in my life! I can't imagine not being her friend at this point. (SO Kevin you are never allowed to move, at least not without taking the Sims family with you!!)
We definitely need each other..God is lining us up for something big! He had it planned all along. I know that without a doubt!!! We are 2 peas in a pod really. It is incredible to me how in tune our hearts have become lately. Its almost scary!! But again...we serve a very big God who can and will do anything to serve HIS purpose!! He has a reason for she and I being friends....besides just having fun :)

So Bethie...today I thank God for you my friend.

Thankful for miracles!

2010-06-24T11:16:00.002-04:00

I have thanked God for my little miracle many times already, but I was reminded of it yesterday right in front of my face.

Abigail is absolutely a healed little miracle!!! A year ago, pre-surgery, if she did too much physical activity especially outside, after a few minutes her face would get very red, and she would get worked up. You could always see that it was time to stop.

Yesterday we all went to Dupont State park and hiked up to a waterfall. It was a ROUGH hike, mostly uphill, tons of stairs. And she hung in there the whole time!! She is a trooper!!

I know this may seem like a little deal....my God just quicken me to remember that just because her healing, or her miracle is done and over....doesn't mean that I shouldn't keep thanking Him for it!! He has a plan for that little life, I can't wait to see it!!!

A New Comittment!

2010-06-22T10:51:00.004-04:00

Today I am thankful for the revelation that God placed in my heart yesterday. A new found passion for more!!

Here's the thing though...if He is willing to give me abundantly above all that I can imagine....why am I not willing to offer more of myself?

10 more minutes in His word

10 less minutes of TV for some of His encouragement

10 more minutes in prayer for a friend

Get up 30 minutes earlier to study His promises to me & my family

Help in one more outreach ministry

Be more involved in the ministries I have already signed up for

Be more of in example in my home and every day life

Say one less negative thing and replace it with one more positive thing

Offer one more song of praise

Offer up one more moment of thanksgiving

Show Him one more bit of my heart for Him

One more offering of worship to the Holy One

Read one more chapter of the Bible rather than one more chapter of the latest love novel before going to bed

Commit one more verse to memory because you may just need to tell it to someone else today

I want more of Him....so how can I expect not to offer more of me??
Today Lord I pray...continue to fill me with the desire for more of you, and a willing spirit to offer anything you ask me too! Not that you expect it in return but I do it anyways simply because I want to!!

Thankful for time...

2010-06-21T11:07:00.002-04:00

Today I am thankful for the time the Lord gives me with my family. I love that the girls at this point still want to spend time with us, their parents! They enjoy being with us, the attention, the laughs, the fun...and I thank God so much for that!!

I know it won't be long before they will grow older and want to be with friends, or be alone....because we will be old and boring! But for right now, we can still have fun as a family!!

Today is an easy day to be thankful!!

2010-06-19T10:46:00.002-04:00

Today is my and John's 11th anniversary, and I am so incredible happy about how far God has brought us. I can't even put into words the amazing things that are happening right in front of my face!
I know that every marriage should grow and become better each year....but really...do they in most marriages?? It becomes easier to be angry, easier to pull away, easier to be bitter, easier to be distant, easier to just go through the motions.

But today I stand utterly amazed, overflowing with joy, blissfully happy in a wonderful marriage and life with my family!!

Visions & Dreams

2010-06-18T11:06:00.002-04:00

God is amazing! I know that you know that already!! But HE is.

I am so thankful today for the visions and dreams God is placing in my heart for so many different things!! He has BIG plans for my life, and He is showing me more each day exactly what I am supposed to be doing.

And I thank God for the partnerships He is giving me in each direction. Whether its my husband at home....Phyllis in the children's ministry....or Beth in every thing else (Love ya lady!!) I thank Him for the people He is putting in my pathway to stand with me through the journeys of life.

I look forward to seeing more and more each day of what He has in store for me!

Just a Wednesday!

2010-06-17T10:24:00.003-04:00

Thank you God for just a wonderful Wednesday! It doesn't have to be any special day to just be thankful for the day. On this particular Wednesday me, John, and the 3 girls had an incredible time just being together. We spent most of it outside and just hanging out!! It was wonderful!! Plus I had the time to talk to my hubby like I haven't it a long time...I actually got to hear his heart. That's hard for him, just like most men....but on this day he let me see just a little more than normal.

Thank you God for this Wednesday!

Thankful Day #2

2010-06-15T09:18:00.003-04:00

This one is a repeat from last time I did this, but it is so much bigger now. I can't even put into words how happy I am in my relationship with my wonderful God given husband. And yes I said God given...because I believe that he is definitely the man God had in mind for me all along. He has challenged me in ways that were perfect for my journey. By being able to witness and minister to him, it is causing me to be stronger in my faith and knowledge. I have to know my stuff to be able to have answers to John's questions. I know I don't always do my best, out of complete and utter fear....but I am still learning to be bolder about it.

Each and every day God brings us closer together, creating a bond that is unbreakable by anyone, a closeness that wasn't there in the years past, a newness that we just discovered this year (in our 10th year of marriage!), a wonderful affection that I can't even explain, a longing in his eyes that I haven't seen in a while that is loving returned everyday from me, an amazing love that grows with the rising of the sun.

I read something today that said you can't look for that complete unconditional love always in your spouse first. We are created to long for someone to fill that void...but the grind of every day life makes that near impossible with another human. BUT if you look to God first to fill you...you can in turn love your spouse in ways you never knew that you could. Because in those times when you don't feel like you can love them because of the "circumstances"...GOD makes a way, God fills your heart so that it can overflow onto your spouse. THAT is what I have found this year. That if I turn to God first, then I can love my husband that much more!

Here's the kicker to all of that...when I turned to God...he told me its not always the hubby, the changes have to start in me. And I thank God for turning the light on in my darkness, that even though it hurt to be exposed, now I can walk in the freedom of loving my spouse with everything God has placed in me for him.

A Thankful Heart!

2010-06-14T17:38:00.001-04:00

I did this back in November around thanksgiving, but I felt very prompted by the Holy Spirit to do it again. God has really been telling me lately to slow down and look at all the amazing things he has given me, and stop focusing on the things I don't have. But to appreciate what is in my life.
So...here I am, trying to really notice all the incredible things in my life. For the rest of this month, I am going to take the time to be heartfelt in my gratitude for the big things as well as the little things.

Today I am gonna start with the biggest thing I have to be thankful for...the freely given grace of God! He offers it whether or not you are ready for it. He choose us way before we ever thought of choosing Him! That is incredible to me!! Think about that....who have you ever loved, adored, held dear....and they didn't return the feelings? That no matter whether they felt the same for you, you continued to long for them, and really desire to be closer to them, even if they were completely cold, disconnected, and withdrawn from you. The biggest desire of HIS heart is to restore that fellowship with you. That is amazing!

The grace of God is the only thing that can save us from the mess we make in our lives every day. Nothing else can cover all the bumps and scraps that each day brings.

I praise Him for it...for myself, my family, my children...every day He brings His grace new and fresh for us. Thank you Lord...that's all there is to say, thank you!

Me versus the other me....

2010-06-01T18:11:00.004-04:00

Why is it so hard for me to see me the way others see me?

Do I hide the real me?

Do I only know the true me?

Do I wear a mask?

Am I just my biggest critic?

Who's right....them or me?

This last week, me and a few friends tried a little experiment. We wrote a letter to ourselves about how we see ourselves, and then wrote letters to each women about what we see in them. It was so hard for me to write the letter about myself! I wanted to be honest, not what I want to be, or hope to be, or what I thought other people want to hear....I wanted to write what I really thought of myself. Bottom line I ended up saying I was not enough! Not enough of a wife, not enough of a mother, not enough of a salesperson, and definitely not enough of a christian.

I don't read my bible enough, I definitely don't pray enough, I always forget to remind the girls to brush their teeth at night, never remember to clean out their ears, I am sure there are dust bunnies under my couch, and I almost always leave at least one pair of shoes somewhere in the house other than the closet. So how is it that my friends see me as an amazing example of a christian wife and mother? They talked about patience, and kindness, and a loving heart, and an incredible spirit, and seeing Jesus through me. Why is it so hard to see in myself???

Earlier in the week I had read Psalm 139, that explain exactly how God sees me, how He feels for me. If he is my example....then I should follow His lead on this as well.

Psalm 139:1-24 (NKJV)
"1 O LORD, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
3 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
4 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.
5 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall[a] on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;[b]
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

19 Oh, that You would slay the wicked, O God!
Depart from me, therefore, you bloodthirsty men.
20 For they speak against You wickedly;
Your enemies take Your name in vain.[c]
21 Do I not hate them, O LORD, who hate You?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22 I hate them with perfect hatred;
I count them my enemies.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
24 And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting."

As an aside....do the letters with a few friends, take the time to send a few gals a nice heart felt, hand written letter....nothing on this earth is more precious than an encouraging word!

Can you define friendship?

2010-04-16T14:39:00.005-04:00

Everyone thinks the know what it is to be a friend, but do we really?

I looked up the word friend online today, here are the definitions I found....

a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard

a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter

a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile

Yeah, ok, that's all true. But does that really cover it? Does that say what you feel about your TRUE friends? Is that it? Isn't there more than that?

I think there is. And a lot of this I am basing on a new journey in my christian walk God has me going on. I believe God puts other people in our lives for a specific reason. To hold us accountable in our daily walk. What good is a friend if she doesn't say "now wait a minute, was that really that right thing to do?" Is a friend someone who just goes shopping for new shoes with you or talks about the latest gossip? No she should be so much more than that.

Proverbs 27:17 says "You use steel to sharpen steel, and one friend sharpens another."

To be a true friend of course you are supposed to be supportive, and have fun, and go out to lunch with, and talk on the phone with, and text with, and laugh with.....But there is so much more that God has planned for me as a friend. Recently, I have become closer with a group of ladies that I already called friends....but God is leading us into bigger things. He is weaving a cord of women, a tapestry of our testimonies that cannot be broken. He has placed all of us on the other's hearts. I feel such a growing connection with these women that I can't even begin to explain. I love them with all my heart, and can't wait to see where God takes us together. There is a reason why He is pulling us together I just know it, there are women we are going to touch with our stories, lives we can change with our histories, and futures we can mold with our testimonies...all because God had it planned this way from the beginning.

I am proud to call the Fab Five my friends! Cara, Jade, Beth, Jenny, & Naomi...you are incredibly strong women, and I look forward to this growing sisterhood that HE has created.

"Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12

My love is not my own....

2010-02-22T07:14:00.002-05:00

I heard a song at the end of last week that has really stuck with me. I wanted to post it on here as a video but I couldn't find it on you tube. Can you beleive that??? Something NOT on you tube, I was surprised too. Anyways....

The chorus says....
"My love is not my own, it all belong to You.
And after all You've done the least that I can do,
is live my life in every part only to please my Father's heart."

It hit me like a ton of bricks! My love is not mine, it all comes from God. So He gets to tell me who to pass it out to, and how much. AND....since He loves everyone more than they deserve all the time....then so should I!

Meaning....that husband that just didn't fold the clothes right, or that child that smarted back one too many times, or that co-worker that just drives you nuts, or person in front of you who just drives too slow.....LOVE THEM ANYWAYS! Because He does...and to please His heart, I should too!

Short and sweet and to the point!!

The Jerky Monster Reared Its Head....

2010-02-18T07:09:00.004-05:00

The fam and I went on an incredible trip to Great Wolf Lodge this week in Concord, NC. That place is amazing!! But I wanted us to go to spend a little quality time together. We never have time to just have fun and not worry about the phone ringing, or getting to work, or chores....so we just went! And it was perfect...no one yelled, no one misbehaved, no one argued, no one whined....we just hung out together and had fun!! It was exactly what we all needed, not just John and I, but the girls too.

When I originally planned the trip, I wanted to go on the weekend, because Saturday is John's birthday, so I thought we could go then. Plus my fasting would be over and it would make eating easier for us as a family. Well then I found out how much less expensive the room was on a Tuesday versus a Saturday....we saved almost $150!! So we went on a Tuesday. Which actually turned out perfect because there weren't as many people there either....the water park was much more bearable without lines....plus the 84 degrees inside was fabulous too!!

Anyways....so the first night I let John pick where he wanted to eat as a birthday dinner. He picks a huge steakhouse. I figured no big deal, they will have something I can eat, veggie burger or something....NOPE! Not a thing....I had a house salad. But it was fine, I was ok. He ate a 20 oz. porterhouse and it really didn't bother me. I only had 3 days left....and I had seen soooo many changes in our lives, we were at a new place, a new love, fresh and wonderful. So I was fine!!

The next day...the girls are eating ice cream...the most incredible looking ice cream I had ever seen! But I was fine....worth it...2 more days....I could do this. I was in control, not my flesh!

Then we all saw a store we had to stop at.....a Beef Jerky Outlet! Yes, you heard me right a jerky outlet...insane right?? I am a HUGE jerky fan, even made it at home before. But I knew we could buy some and I would take it home, and could have some on Friday. No big problem. I knew going in I couldn't have any now, and that was fine with me. God was doing things in me and my family and that was more important than any stinkin' jerky snacks! So we go in....and its incredible, every jerky you could imagine....beef (of course), turkey, alligator, ostrich, buffalo, kangaroo even. And its just everywhere!!! They had huge barrels of every flavor of beef you could think of along the outside, with little samples pieces that you could try. Well we are walking through and I wanted to try a piece to see if we wanted to buy any. My mind thought of it as a snack (which I am not eating either) but I rationalized it through that we were on our way to lunch and it was just part of lunch, not a snack, just a try to see if we would buy it. Five minutes later John says "you just ate meat." I almost cried right there in the jerky outlet. I couldn't believe it. I had gone 39 days...and now I screw up!! I was so upset with myself. I didn't even think of it as meat in my brain. I was crushed!!

One cool thing I can say (now that its over) is John was very compassionate about it. He knew it hurt my feelings, he knew I was upset...and he was very comforting about, very sweet!

I did feel like I was in trouble though. I had worked so hard, for so many days...and to screw it up on the next to last day. I was so quiet at lunch...I wanted to puke, I wanted to cry, I wanted to just curl up in a ball. Then it got worse....

John was telling me about a couple we had been talking to at the Great Wolf Lodge, and he mentioned my fast to the wife. She said that they had done a 21 day Daniel fast in January. (Awesome!! Small world really!!) Anyways...he said that she asked why wasn't he fasting too....well he then says to me that he told her because he didn't believe in church. I know my face went blank, I almost cried (again!) right there in Ryan's this time. I couldn't believe what I had just heard. I immediately felt like I was being punished. 39 days of fasting, reading, and praying....was now ruined in my mind. I was totally defeated.

I asked him why would he say that. He replied that everyone always assumed the worst when you say that. I agreed, I couldn't believe he would say that. I was so hurt at that exact moment. Say that you don't go with us or whatever...but don't believe! I barely spoke the entire ride home.

My love dare for the 39th day was to write a letter to you spouse explaining why you were in it for the long haul, why you are commited to them, and why you love them. Through writing that letter, I realized how far we had come. How much closer we are, how much more connected we are, how I see him through different eyes now. And I thought about what he said about not beleiving in church and that people assume the worst. He was right! I assumed the worst, I assumed that was the end of it. But he didnt say that he didn't beleive in God...just church. There's a difference. Baby steps....but there is still hope. And I will keep trying, and keep asking, and keep praying...one day....but either way, I still love him with all my heart, and covenant with God to always love him!!

New things....

2010-02-05T18:15:00.002-05:00

SO much has been going on its been hard to find time to blog about any of it.

I don't even really know where to start. I am still fasting....please don't take that as a complaint because really its not. It has been amazing! Really! God is showing me some incredible stuff...about my self, my purpose, my family's purpose....its just so cool!

One day during the fast a friend and I decided to do a complete fast, water only. I was scared to death. (I can say that right?) I just knew I would be so hungry. I was used to eating all day, how could I even imagine that I could go all day with just water? I don't even like water!! And then to top it off...it snowed a ton that day, so I was stuck at home. Meanwhile the kids are eating every 5 seconds!! But ya know what...God is so much bigger than my stomach and its stupid wants. It was an incredible day. God dropped something in my spirit that day that really changed my outlook on things.

I was online chatting with a friend on facebook, just innocent talking about work. I was sort of complaining about changes and stress and being tired....that's when He dropped it in my heart...."You're not there for that." What you say God??? He said again "You are not there just to sell furniture. Look at the lives you are touching, affecting, changing. That is what you are there for. Shine my light!"

I almost starting weeping right there on the spot. It was incredible. There is really no other way to describe it. I always thought of my job as just that....A JOB and nothing else. I never thought about God having a purpose for me at work other than providing for my family. To think He wanted me there....that there are people there that I am supposed to influence. I needed to get over myself, and my complaints, and my stress and do what HE WANTS ME TO DO!!! Duh??

And once I did....here's the kicker. I was all in a tizzy about a new sales manager, what would he be like, too pushy, too mean, too hardcore, untruthful....the prospects scared me to death. Well this week he started a sales meeting by talking about how we all need to follow the example of Jesus! What? Say that again? A boss talking about using Jesus as an example?? Could this be happening? Here??? God is awesome!!!

Ok....so I am starting to ramble but I can't help myself. I am just feeling a difference, seeing a difference....and ready for more!!! Bring it!!

A 2fer day!!

2010-01-15T07:59:00.002-05:00

Ok....so I havent blogged in like a month, and I have 2 things on my heart today!

While I was in the shower this morning, God reminded me of a song that we used to sing at our church in SC. It was written by someone in a family very close to my heart, and I love it!!
So I thought I would share the words this morning....

"You knew me when living was easy
not much was required for me to be satisfied.
You knew me when I started to hunger
I started to thrist like never before.
In my dark days You were a light to me.
In my blindness I began to see
that You have always known me
and more and more You've shown me.

Like a stream in the desert
You're restoring my soul.
Like a cool, clean, living water
running over, and over, and over."

That's one of the many things God has for us...He is a restorer of our soul!!
Take it in...accept it....be refreshed....walk in that refreshing today!!

A new experience

2010-01-15T07:04:00.002-05:00

At the beginning of my fast...I was thinking wow! this is going to be easy, and I am going to get what I want no problem. Well I had a rude awakening last night....but it the end it was good for me.

I just assumed if I was fasting for something in particular, that if I was doing what I promised God I would do...then it would just be handed to me, no questions asked.

WRONG!!!!

First of all, my way of it happening and HIS way of it happening may be 2 completely different things. I have to bow to His ways, and wait patiently. (Man! That word keeps coming up alot in my studies lately. Why is it so hard to be patient??)

The second thing is the devil is not just going to sit back and let me have it without a fight. He knows if this works out, then this house will be a powerful force for the kingdom. When I think of all the things God has already done through just me and the girls....the miracles, the healings, the blessings...I can only imagine how amazing it will be when we are ALL in agreement. And the devil knows that...he not going to give up that easily. It is still a daily battle...even though we sometimes we forget he is doing everything he can to stop us.

Last night as I lay in my bed crying and reading in my bible, and I felt God direct me to Proverbs 4. Here is a wonderful verse that spoke to me....

"When you walk, your steps will not be hindered, and when you run, you will not stumble."
Proverbs 4:12

30th day of thanksgiving

2009-12-01T06:54:00.002-05:00

I have to say I have had a great month of reflection. I am thankful that I took the time and effort to be thankful. Sometimes it's too easy to get caught up in the hussle and bussle of day to day life and forget to stop and thank God for what we have instead of begging for what we don't have.

Precious Lord Jesus.....
Thank you does not even begin to explain my graditude for all that you have given.
ALways more than I deserve, but always exactly what I need.
The words to a song have been my prayer the last few days...
"Open up the sky and pour down like rain. We don't want blessings, we want You.
Open up the sky and pour down like fire. We don't want anything but You."
I am so excited to be a part of the wonderful move of God through this city.
Thank you for using little ol' me.
I love you!!
Amen.

Don't be afraid

2009-11-29T17:00:00.001-05:00

The last 3 days I have been in retail hell.....and loving every minute of it!!

I am so excited that people have quit listening to the media, and loosened up a little bit.
People are out spending money and buying the things they need and want.

We had a jam packed weekend at the furniture store...and I met a lot of really nice people too. Added bonus!!

I love being around people....and finding out where they came from, and who they are....it is always intriguing to me.

All I can say is I am so tired.....I'll be glad to get back to normal this week.

Thankful Thursday...a few hours late

2009-11-27T05:54:00.002-05:00

All I can say for today is I am thankful for the time God has given me.

Time with my husband.

Time with my girls.

Time to be the kind of wife and mother I should be.

Thank you God for more time.

2009-11-25T21:52:00.008-05:00

I love a clean house...I love pinesol, and I love clorox wipes, and I love febreeze.

I just wish I was home more to be able to keep the house the way I like it. But when I get home I am so wiped out, I don't feel like cleaning.

WAIT A MINUTE...Stop the train!! I went from a thankful heart to a complaint in a second flat. I should be thankful that I even have a job right now, there are a lot of people who don't.

So back to my original thought....I love clorox wipes & pinesol & febreeze. They make me happy!!

Sleepin' In.....

2009-11-24T18:01:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow morning is going to be the best morning I've had in a long time...I am claiming it in advance.

No alarms clocks going off.....no one has to be anywhere at a particular time....
And Tyler is finally at the point that if she does wake up before me she just goes into the living room and turns on the TV then gets a bowl of cereal.

Tyler is my oldest, she is now 10yrs old. I have wondered for years at what point would she go from being a young wild and crazy early bird to a pre-teen who I can't drag out of bed in the morning. When I wake her up at 630 to get ready for school...usually she pops right up and hits the ground running. Well...this past Monday morning, she growled, rolled over and says "just 10 more minutes mom." YEEHAW...We're there!!!

So tomorrow morning....John better get ready, we are going stay in bed as long as possible and just snuggle!! Its gonna be the best day ever!!! I can't wait.

New traditions

2009-11-23T21:03:00.002-05:00

Tonight I went to Ingles and spent 60 blessed dollars on food to cook on Thursday. And I am so excited!!

This is the first year in my snuggly little family's history that we are having Thanksgiving dinner at home with just the 5 of us. And I think it will be amazing! God is starting a work in this little family....and I am so excited to be a part of it.

My momma don't know yet....so pray for me at about 830 in the morning when I tell her on the way to work. But I decided no matter how she feels....this is what's right for us! And that's all I need to worry about right now.

I love Sundays!!

2009-11-22T19:24:00.001-05:00

I love Sundays for so many reasons!!!

Sleep in a little....yeehaw!

Church at Breakthrough....amazing!!

Lunch with the family...always good!

And today I even got a little me time....went to the movies alone!!

I love Sundays!!

Give it another try

2009-11-21T07:07:00.002-05:00

Sometimes we forget to just stop and thank God for another day.

A second chance.

A do-over.

Wipe the slate clean and try it again.

Thank Him for the fact that we are not bound by our yesterdays.....we have another chance every morning to do it again, to do to right, to do it better....

To do it more like Him.

20th day of a thankful heart

2009-11-20T06:42:00.002-05:00

I absolutely love my Dansko clogs. Especially a red that I bought a few months ago, they are my favorite, I think....well no maybe the brown pair are my favorite. Both are pretty close on the list for different reasons.

They are both great because they are so comfy! When I first tried a pair on I thought there was no way that I could wear those hard shoes. I wanted them for work, something with some support to keep my feet from hurting. It took about a week for me to get used how they felt, but once I did....WOW!! I wanted to wear them all the time, even with jeans at home. The first pair I got, my mom bought for my birthday last year and they were black, because that's what I mostly wear to work. I wore them everyday!

Here's where why the brown pair is the coolest comes in....I had them on at work one day, and I was helping a salesperson help a couple with a sofa and loveseat purchase. The husband looks at my feet and says "you like those danskos?" I of course answered absolutely! He then proceeds to say, "if you will sell me this sofa and loveseat for $xxx (I can't remember the amount, not the important part of the story!!) I will bring you a brand new pair tomorrow. What size do you wear?" I go completely nuts at this point....it was a price I was already going to offer him, and now he was giving ME new shoes too. AWESOME! Why can't everyday be this awesome! Turned out he was the manager of a huge discount shoe store in town. I wasn't sure if it would really happen or not....but we'll see. The very next day he comes in with a box in a bag with my shiny new brown clogs. I was so amazed and at was love at first sight!!

The red clog story is sort of along the same lines, but to top it off THEY'RE RED TOO!! That just adds to the amazement! I have always had an affection for red shoes....so much so that one summer I bought red sandals, then had to buy some red clothes to go with them. Still love those red sandals!! Anyways....one day I was out having a girl day by myself, and decided to stop by the new GB Shoes that had opened near our house. They had a ton of shoes! But nothing really struck my fancy. They had a small section of Danskos, but nothing incredible, and the prices weren't that great. I didn't "need" a pair of shoes, so I was really looking for anything. Along the entire back wall of the store, they had shoes from the previous season that were anywhere from 25-75% off. I went to my size's section...and to my disappointment really didn't see anything I wanted. Then on the top shelf I saw a Dansko box, and I thought to myself there's no way they have those marked down. So I started looking all through that wall for Dansko boxes. I found a pair of sandals that were 50% off, which for Danskos is alot of money! So I picked those and was getting ready to leave...but then I found one more box....I looked in and those were those wonderful red clogs!! I was so excited...again I love red shoes!!! I tried them on, and it was a perfect fit. (You never know with Dansko because they are sized strangely and each pair is hand made, so 2 pairs of the same size may fit different) I knew I didn't need them, but boy did I WANT them. So I took a deep breath and went to look for the tag....and there I saw that incredible orange sticky dot that made them 75% OFF!!!! I swear I heard a choir of angels sing Hallelujah!! That made them like $35....I HAD TO HAVE THEM!!!!

To this day....I still try to find something at least once a week to wear my red Danskos with.

Thursday thankful

2009-11-20T06:38:00.002-05:00

I love my job, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job
I love my job, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.

I really do love my job....but somedays I just have to say that to myself
over and over to remind me.

Easy to pick...hard to find the time

2009-11-19T11:10:00.002-05:00

I was holding this one all month, I knew what I wanted to talk about on the 18th from the beginning. But yesterday was such a jam packed amazing day there just wasn't time.

November 18, 1999 at 315pm God dropped an amazing little baby girl into my life. Tyler Catherine Sims. I can remember every detail like it was yesterday. Where did the time go??? Now she's 10...talking about boys, and bras, and everything else she can think of. She definitely gets it honest, that kid can talk!! But I love it!! She is 100% a mini-me. My mom always said "you just wait until you have a child like you". But I tell ya, I love every minute of it.

I hope and pray everyday that we can continue to grow our bond and friendship as the years go by. I want to be the best mommy that I can be, and show her the way she should go, but be there to support her when things don't go her way. I want to wipe away her tears of sorrow and her tears joy. I want to be there when that first boy makes her heart race....and then again when the first boy breaks her heart. I want to be the one she talks to when she's not sure what to do next...and I want to be the one to tell her that God is always the best place to look. I want to still be able to put braids in her hair, and still by able to cuddle her in my lap, and still sing "You are my sunshine" to her....but everyday she is turning more into a young lady. I want to be her first and last resort for the rest of her life.

All I can say is thank you God for giving me the best job on the earth...MOMMY!

What else....

2009-11-17T17:41:00.003-05:00

I'm at a lost today, having a really hard time coming up with something exciting and unique to be thankful for...I really didn't think this would be so hard.

Thank God for sugar!! As I sit here and scarf down a pile of pixie sticks!

I am not a coffee drinker, caffeine doesn't do it for me. But a quick piece of candy and I am wired for the day. Ready for my second wind. Ready to keep on going.

Another 2-fer....

2009-11-16T09:12:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I was just having a great day and completely forgot to get onto the computer much. Today's thankfulness is sort of one thing and 2 all at the same time. I want to thank God for 2 amazing women who have come into my life. I know I already did a post about our church family, and they are a part of that....but they are soooo much more than that, they are my sister and my friend.

First of all...my wonderful Beth. Girl, you are so amazing and you don't even realize it. You have helped me so much over the last few months of our growing friendship. I don't even think you know what an incredible influence you have been on me. No matter what you are going through, you are still such a rock for me...even if I didn't deserve it. I believe with everything in me that God placed you in my life. I needed your strength through these last months. And I can't imagine what God has in store for us next. If we ever really start reading our study together...I think He is going to show us both some amazing things. Look at what He's already done for us....just think about what the next step could be! I can hardly wait!!!

And 2ndly....Michelle. I don't even know where to start with you. You are a fabulous example of God's love. I strive everyday to be more like you. No matter what I am going through, you always come with an understanding and compassionate heart....even if it hurts you sometimes, you still do everything you can to comfort someone else. You always know exactly what to say to make seem not so bad. I am overjoyed to see what will come of our relationship in months to come. It can only get better!! Thank you for everything you have meant to me....I hope one day to be able to return the favor. I know sometimes it hard for you to stop being the pastor and just be a woman who needs something or someone....but anything you ever need, just ask, please.

I love you both!!

These are a few of my favorite things....

2009-11-14T16:28:00.003-05:00

I have to say that today is a beautiful day in the mountains of NC.

For me this is the perfect weather! Because I can wear my perfect outfit....a wonderful fluffy cable knit sweater and a fabulous pair of jeans.

If there were any way for me to find a job where I could wear this everyday, I would be the happiest girl on the planet.

Add my favorite brown Dansko shoes....and there's no beating it!!

Duh....

2009-11-13T21:52:00.002-05:00

Its harder than you think to come up with something different everyday that you are thankful for. It seemed like it would be so easy...I thought I could thank God every day for something surely...but to take the time to not take it for granted, and really think about it is tougher than I thought.

Especially today for some reason...I was having a bad day! I didn't want to think of something to be thankful for, I was cranky! I thought it doesn't matter anyway, no one actually reads these crazy ramblings....

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks...THAT'S IT!!!

I am thankful for this blog. I realized today it doesn't matter if no one reads it, because honestly...it's for me! It always has been...even if I didn't realize it. When I stop long enough to put my thoughts down on "paper", I always learn something. Its good for me! It is teaching me something. Through this I have researched things that have been amazing!! And I love it. Plus then I have made some amazing friends thru reading their blogs too. And if something I say just happens to speak to someone else...well then that's just gravy!

Brain hiccup....

2009-11-12T17:55:00.003-05:00

So somehow yesterday I completely forgot to stop and blog about my thankfulness....I am thoroughly enjoying taking the time to be thankful, but I had such a blast yesterday with Apryl, my 7 yr old, and her friends that I completely forgot to stop and put it into words.

I'VE GOT IT!! I HAVE 2 FROM YESTERDAY THAT ARE PERFECT!!!!

First of all...I love a good day off. A day when you have nothing that you have to do...no cleaning, no errands, no doctors appointments...nothing to do but have fun!

That's what I did yesterday. I was a fabulously fun mommy!! We had pancakes, we made finger puppets, we baked and decorated sugar cookies, and had lunch at Chuck E Cheese. I wish I was super duper rich and could just do this everyday!!

My 2nd one was inspired by a little friend of Apryl's who hung out with us yesterday. We were on the way to Chuck E Cheese...let me say not talking about God, or church, or even listening to a christian radio station....and she says (very loudly I may add) "Do you have Jesus in your heart?" Which I replied, yes I do. And she made sure everyone in the car answered yes, then she says "good, me too!" I thank God for the boldness of children. The amazing me everyday. They will be the ones that reach the masses, that takes the love of God out to the world. Simply because they don't know any better.

Thankful (Day 10)

2009-11-10T09:23:00.003-05:00

This week my husband's dad died of cancer....but honestly he is not very upset about it. John and his family have a different type of relationship than I grew up with. Our family was always close, we lived next door to our grandparents for crying out loud. I just finally figured out that what I have is special...not everyone was as lucky as me!!

I can't imagine what I would do if something happened to my mom. I don't even really want to think of the possibility. She is truly one of my best friends.

Now granted, it was not that way when I was a kid. We had your typically teenager/mom fights, nothing extreme though. One in particular I thought of this morning gave me the giggles. And the funniest thing is I don't even remember how it started.

I have to give you a little background before this story makes sense, so bare with me. There was a particular local church in Fayetteville that I had visited as a young child. They had a bus that they would go around and pick kids up to take them to Sunday school. One Sunday I went with a friend of mine, just to visit. We were probably about 6 or so years old. Well class was fine...but after that they showed us all a movie about sinners, and what happened to sinners. Keep in mind, this was a huge auditorium full of LITTLE kids, at least a couple of hundred kids. I remember this video like I just saw it yesterday!! In the video it showed a guy riding a motorcycle and listening to rock music...it claimed he was a sinner because of this....a few minutes later it showed the same rider wrecked on the side of the road with maggots all over him. This is what they claimed happened to sinners. I was so appalled, because even at 6 I knew that wasn't true....riding a motorcycle or listening to certain music did not mean you would go to hell. I stood up and stormed out of the room immediately. A teacher of course followed me....I was as much of a loud mouth then as I am now...so I proceeded to tell her that I was not watching anymore of that because it was wrong!! Needless to say I never went back there and they never asked me to come back either.

That was a lot of back story to explain that this same church had a private school....so for the rest of my years if I did another wrong all momma had to do was threaten to send me to XYZ "Christian" School (changed the name to protect the innocent) and I would straighten up in a heartbeat!!

Ok...so here's the fight with my mom. I was about 14 or 15 I think. We got into over something, me wanting to go somewhere, and she said no. Her and my dad had to be somewhere, and I was at home stewing over it. I talked to my friend on the phone, and she had a suggestion to "freak them out". She said I should turn everything in my room backwards or upside down. Turn all baby dolls to face the wall, all pictures hang upside, turn the TV around, she said to make it would make them think I was crazy!! So of course I try it....I turned my entire room on its end!! I sat there for a long time basking in my own glory, just knowing this would work, they would have to see, and freak them out! About 10 minutes before they were supposed to be home....it hit me....OMG, if she thinks I'm crazy she'll send me to XYZ school. Scared me to death!!! I fixed everything so fast it would make your head spin!!

The next day...Bailee, who was like 3 at the time, comes into my room and says "why is momma's picture upside down??"

Anyways....as I grew, and matured, and became a mother...I realized how much she means to me, and how I can't imagine life without her. I love you momma!! And thank you God for giving her to me.

A more than thankful heart....(day 9)

2009-11-09T18:49:00.002-05:00

This whole thing of stopping each day to think of something to be thankful for is not as easy as it seems really....of course there are the easy ones, but I have been trying to think of things that you forget to be thankful for sometimes....things I take for granted.

Today it came to me in the form of a bible verse emailed to me...and I realized this was the perfect thing to talk about today.

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat of its fruit."
Proverbs 18:21

I received this verse a couple of days ago by email, and have been rolling it around in my head the last few days.

As a salesperson, I tend to think a couple of steps ahead of what I say. So basically I think before I speak. Not everyone can do this...things come flying out of their mouth before they even know it. And the next thing you know, you have hurt someone's feelings.

But here's the hitch in my giddy up....I have always done this everywhere, but at home!! Thank God He is teaching me lately how to hold my tongue at home. To hold back one more moment before you say something you shouldn't....to just not say that! not go there!

And I can't begin to explain what a difference it has made it our home. It has made me a thermostat in our atmosphere instead of just a thermometer.

Beyond thankful!!

2009-11-08T22:23:00.002-05:00

Today all I can say is that I am so thankful that God has a plan for me. And I am thanking Him now, and in advance for giving me the patience to wait on Him.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Something new to be thankful for...

2009-11-07T16:51:00.002-05:00

I had a very long day at work on Thursday....we were here from 9 am until almost 10 pm. And really I wouldn't mind except for one thing....

I MISSED MY SHOWS!!!

There are only 2 nights that I really watch TV, Thursdays for Flash Forward, Greys Anatomy, and Private Practice. And then Sundays for Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters. Other than that, I don't really watch much else besides Noggin and The Food Network. But I was very upset to miss my Thursday line up.

But...then my husband showed me a fabulous website yesterday. If you don't know about it, you have to go and check it out. www.hulu.com You can watch any show with minimal commercials the day after it is aired, from almost any channel. And the best part...its FREE!!!

It was so easy to find the show I wanted, pull it right up, and watch an hour show...in about 42 minutes. It just don't get no better than that!!!

Giving Thanks To Him (Day 6)

2009-11-06T17:17:00.003-05:00

Today I just want to say a bit of thanks for a sense of humor. Because there are some days you couldn't make it through without laughing. I really think that most of us take life too seriously sometimes....it really is ok to laugh and have fun. God didn't intend for us to go through life all solemn and quiet forever....otherwise He wouldn't have made this....

If that doesn't make you giggle...nothing will!!!

A Thankful Heart (Day 5)

2009-11-05T06:58:00.003-05:00

I have to say today I am soooo super thankful for my church family at Breakthrough. I love our church!! I can't even explain it. God is always there....you can feel it in the air. There is such an atmosphere of praise and worship in that house, He always shows up! In fact we don't ask for His visitation, we ask for habitation!! We have come so far in so short of a time, it can only be God.

Each and every week we learn something practical and useless from Pastor Nate. God lays a word on his heart every service that is always just on time.

I don't know what I want do without the wonderfully powerful women of God that I have encountered through Breakthrough. There are some mighty woman at this church, let me tell ya! Things happen when these women pray...Abigail is a testament to that one!!

When we first moved here, we had bounced from church to church looking for the right fit. My husband read an article in the local paper about a new church and suggested we give it a try. I remember I called Pastor Nate to see if they had things for the kids since they were new, of course they did! We went one Wednesday night to try it out. Tyler asked me on the way there "momma, how will we know if this is the one?" I told her, if it was right, we would feel it in our hearts. After the first service, I knew without a doubt that was where we were supposed to be. I almost joined the first night, but I wanted to see what the kids thought. We got in the car to leave, and everyone was quiet. Then Tyler beams and says "You were right momma. I did feel it. They treated me like I had always been there. I love it there." And so started our journey with the Breakthrough family.

I love all of you more than you can imagine!!

P.S. If you don't have a church family to love on you....come give us a try. Check us out at www.breakthroughwoc.org. You will leave changed!

A Thankful Heart (Day 4)

2009-11-04T08:46:00.004-05:00

Today I have decided to be thankful for a new found love. This season I absolutely adore scarves for some reason. I think they are the coolest thing ever all of a sudden. So far I have bought 3, and my momma bought me one this weekend too.

I don't have any idea where this new appreciation came from...but I am enthralled with them. I guess I have always loved accessories but can never really find jewelry that I like, so this is a good alternative. And you can wear them so many different ways. Plus for me...it makes me feel a little more covered up, and snuggled up...which I like. It has become so acceptable to let everything you have hang out all over the place...that is so NOT my style.

Anyways....I am thankful for my new wonderful accessory!! So if anyone wants to buy me something very simple that will light up my day....it should be a scarf!!

A thankful heart (Day 3)

2009-11-03T10:23:00.002-05:00

This morning when I woke up I decided today's thing to be thankful for would be a silly one....and I even had one all picked up....but then it changed.

This post by be short, but I will tell you I am so thankful for this today I can't even explain.
This is huge for me right now!!

I am thankful for the ability to listen. To slow down and REALLY listen to someone.

First and foremost, to be able to stop and listen to what God has to tell me. I am so excited to be hearing from my God. To know that He truly is telling me something everyday. I just have to choose to stop and listen.

And secondly today....I am excited, that with God's help, I am able to stop my mouth from running all the time and really listen to my husband. To understand where he came from, and why he is the way he is, and hear how he feels, even if sometimes he doesn't say a word.

Today....I am going to try with everything in me to listen more, and talk less. And then I will try again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day....eventually it will become a part of me.

What are you thankful for ??

Giving Thanks Day 2

2009-11-02T07:55:00.002-05:00

I was sitting thinking about this idea last night, wondering what I would come up with each day that I was thankful for. Would they be serious everyday, or would they be trivial....would it be touching or funny....I am really excited to see where God leads me through this.

I will say that today was an easy choice though. 7 years ago this morning, my beautiful middle baby Apryl Jo was born in Florence SC. We were so excited and ready for her arrival. John's parents had come from WV to wait for her to come....they were there just sitting, and waiting, and watching me, just waiting for me to explode I think. It is funny to look back now....not so funny then.

Anyways...I am so thankful for the wonderful little girl that God is shaping her into. She's tough but loving, hard but soft at the same time. She will be the kind of girl who will never let anyone take advantage or her, or break her heart. Apryl is bad to the bone....she has already in her short little life had a broken arm and 9 stitches...and never shed a tear over either. I remember in the ER when the doctor was stitching up her chin (at age 3), she didn't move at all, or even cry. The doctor kept saying "how old is she again? I've never seen a 3 year old like this. I've been around children a long time, this child will be something one day."

AND HE IS RIGHT!!

But not because he said so but because GOD says so. He is teaching her and molding her everyday. This past year she decided to ask Jesus into her heart, and I honestly can see a difference in her. She has been so much more loving in the last few months. You used to have to beg her for a hug or a kiss....but now she wants hugs, and wants to cuddle, and wants a goodnight kiss. I see an amazing little woman growing up right before my eyes. I'm not quite ready for it yet....but I'm still in awe.

Thank you God for blessing me so much by bringing Apryl in our lives. It's an honor to say I'm her mommy!!

What am I thankful for.....

2009-11-01T13:47:00.002-05:00

A new found friend was talking today about taking this entire holiday season and really soaking it in. Living every minute to its fullest and really taking the time to stop and appreciate it.
To stop daily and think of something that she is thankful for....whether its her relationship with Jesus all the way down to something as trivial as ziploc bags (which by the way Alice, there are great things, but those disposable ziploc containers are even better. If some "leftover" gets really disgusting in the fridge....since the container was only 75 cents, I don't even have to open it, it ALL goes in the trash. But that's beside the point.)

Anyways...back on track. She is going to take a month to be truly thankful, and to take a few moments each day to reflect on what she is thankful for. I have decided to do the same thing with my blog this month. I think its a great idea. And I encourage everyone to do it....really stop and thank God for all that He has given you or done for you.

So....for November 1st....the thing that is really on my heart today, is my wonderful hubby! God is truly (I think I am using that word too much today, but it just seems fitting every time!) anyways....God is truly showing me lately just how amazing John is, and how I can be a better wife and friend to him. If God can love me every day, no matter what I do....shouldn't I be able to do the same for my husband? If I (I almost typed truly again, but I held back) ....If I desperately want to be a reflection of God's light in the world...shouldn't I be able to start in my own home?? My answer today is a resounding YES I CAN, AND YES I WILL. But I do know that it is only with God's help. God is leading my heart to show me exactly John's worth. These past couple of days at home while he was gone gave me a new appreciation for what he does everyday. Don't get me wrong I've loved spending time with my babies, but I don't think I could do it everyday. He is a wonderful husband....and my new goal is to show him everyday how much I love and appreciate him just for who he is.

So what are you thankful for today???

A New Approach

2009-11-01T08:03:00.003-05:00

There is so much to say about what is going on in my heart this week...but it all boils down to one thing, and one thing only.

I finally slowed down enough to listen to what God has been trying to tell me all along.

I have always prayed and prayed and prayed to hear clearly from God. To know that I know that I know that it was HIM. To have some direction that I was sure was ordained from Him.
But....then I go on with the rest of my day being the stubborn, pig headed, in charge, strong women that I have grown to become. Not that that is neccessarily a bad thing....but when you were a leader in school, a leader in music for all those years, and now you are a leader at work, and a leader of something at church....that attitude, that over the top strength starts to bleed into all parts of your life. You think you can handle it all beause I am in charge.

But bottom line...I don't want to be in charge. I want to go and do what He wants me to. Things that seem huge and impossible for me, things that I had basically given up on....He can do in the blink of an eye! HELLO....He SPOKE the world into exsistance, I think He can handle my little problems. Because in the end...they are his problems too. He wants to help me, He wants to be in control....if only I will let Him.

So this week....I know that I heard from God. Now understand, its wasn't some warm fuzzy "oh you are so amazing Libby" kind of message....He really called me out on the carpet. But it was what I needed to get a new perspective and direction on my situation. I was so concentrated on myself, and knowing that since I was a Christian, I had to be doing the right thing.

Man was I wrong....it started with me. I pushed the buttons to put the whole bad thing in motion. I couldn't beleive it. I was so ashamed, so guilty....but at the same time so excited that I finally saw it! Knowing really is half the battle. Now I can change my approach, step back and start over, push the reset button, and try again.

Isn't it amazed that God always gives us the opportunity for a do over??

Going back to my early years...

2009-10-26T06:50:00.002-04:00

I haven't blogged in a while, I have sort of been very lost in my own thoughts. Thinking I can handle it on my own...I'll figure it out...I'll be ok....I can do it.

WRONG!!

Why when we need our friends the most, do we clam up and stop telling them that we need help? Instead of running to our closest allies to hold us up, we would rather say "oh I'm fine" and hide it from them. And even worse we try to hide it from God. Like He doesn't know that we are struggling? DUH!

Anyways....that's besides the point.

I decided last night that I need some scriptures in my arsenal to help me through times like this. I will admit very fully that I am horrible when it comes to reading my bible. And yes I know that is wrong, and yes I know that's my sword....but I still stink at it. BUT....when I can study something specific rather than just read a portion, I actually tend to "get" it. So I am going back to school....each week I am going to pick a verse and learn it, really learn it!! Repeat it over and over to myself until its ingrained in there and I won't forget it. Until it becomes a part of me, and I feel it down in my spirit.

So for this week the verse I choose is perfect for how I've been feeling.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths."
Proverbs 3:5-6

This one is sort of a cheat for me because we sing a song in KidZone that is based on this verse, so I basically know it already. Or at least I know the words....but I want to get the truth of this verse in my heart. Not just repeat the words, but feel it in my soul.

We all know that He is there to guide my path, He has already chosen the way I will go. BUT here's the problem with that....I have to choose to listen and follow. Unless I have chosen to put down my thoughts, and my ways and truly follow Him...His plans for my are useless.

Just like in dancing...the man can be a fabulous dancer, know all the steps....but if as his partner I choose to try to do my own steps....it will never work. I have to relax, let HIM take the lead, and follow where ever He goes. Then it can flow smoothly.

This week I choose to allow The Holy Spirit to be my dance partner...I will stop my own advances, and allow Him to choose our direction, He will show me the way and and I decide to put me aside and just listen and go.

My amazing weekend!!

2009-09-29T14:24:00.005-04:00

I have been trying to write this blog in my head for days NOW....but I couldn't figure out how to put into words what an incredible experience it was. I wanted to write a blog to explain our time at Duke with Abigail's surgery...explain what went through my head, what went on in my heart, what God did for both of us....but there is so much to say I can't decide where to begin. I will warn you up front...this will be a long one, but I had to get it out....mostly for me!

In my last blog I wrote how God told me that she is HIS child too, that He would look out for her. I was really in a wonderful state of mind, that I had put it completely in His hands. I was calm with it....I trusted Him to be sure it would be ok.

When we arrived in Durham, I was still just as calm. I knew that everyone was there to help her, not scare her. Every nurse and doctor we came in contact with was soooo incredibly nice. It would be so easy for them to be cold and stand-offish and mean, simply because they see this kind of stuff everyday. But no one was that way at all....everyone went out of their way to be extra wonderful!! I really couldn't believe that. The first wonderful nurse we came in contact with sat and explained everything to us. She asked me first how much I wanted to know, how much I could handle. I told her that I wanted to understand but without all the details. She sat with us for 2 hours and explained everything, she even drew an incredibly detailed picture of the heart and showed us where the defect was and how that affected her. She busted up a lot of my fears, and kept me calm through it all. She was scheduled for the first procedure of the day, we had to be at the hospital at 645am. (Here's a bonus blessing...God knew that I couldn't sit around all day waiting for it.) Anyways....so we went back to the hotel calm and prepared.

Everyone was praying for her....for us really. I honestly believe I could feel it, a true covering. There were people in every direction offering up prayers for her healing, for my strength, for our courage. It truly amazed me how BIG the prayer circles got. For weeks, I had felt pelted with "what ifs" from the devil...at this point I felt a barrier around us, protecting us from all his threats. That night, as I laid in bed with her....I just started to pray. I know that God knew how I felt, He had heard my prayers...I didn't need to ask for safety or any of that anymore....and this point I started CLAIMING things over her. I recited every declaration from Breakthrough that I could think of....

I stand against any plan the devil has for her!

I take the shield of faith and I quench every fiery dart!

She is the head and not the tail!

She is more than a conqueror!

NO weapon formed against her shall prosper!

I went on and on and on. I was crying, but not sad tears...but tears of determination, of strength, of power in HIS might.

The next morning, as we got ready to leave...I felt like I was going to absolutely puke! I was trying very hard to hold it together, to not look worried so I didn't scare her. Of course, my mom is the rock, 100% cool as a cucumber, not a flinch. Abigail was ready to roll, not a care in the world.

We arrived to the hospital....it was dead quiet in there. We are taken back to the cath lab to get her prepped. We had time for her to get to know the pre/post-op nurse, to be comfortable with her (**Another bonus blessing!!) Abigail laughed and was having fun...talking about stickers, and her sisters, and the stuffed monkey she brought with us. Then it came time to take her clothes off....she got a little freaked....but again the nurse was wonderful!!! She went and got a gown for her monkey too! And Abigail calmed down again. God placed the right people in our path, again He knew exactly what we both needed and made sure it went that way. She was ready to give Abigail a liquid sedative to "loosen" her up a little bit...she called it "goofy juice", that way she wouldn't panic or get scared when it was time to go. She warned us though that it tasted awful!!

Abigail is normally a great medicine taker....when I got this up to her mouth apparently she got a whiff of it and went nuts! Refused to take it. We had to hold her down and give it to her. But within 2 minutes the nurse looks at her and says "ready to go?" Abigail says ok, holds out her arms and goes right with her. (**Another bonus blessing straight from God**) There was no big ugly crying goodbye....for EITHER of us!! That was exactly what we needed. She was comfortable enough with the nurse that she went right to her.

The nurse comes out a couple of minutes later, says that she cried for me a little, but just hugged her the whole time until the medicine really kicked in. She gave us a pager, suggested we take a walk, get some breakfast, explore. I was not sure if I could do that or not....I wanted to stand with my nose to that door waiting for my baby to come back to me. But I knew I couldn't do that. Again, my mom the rock says lets walk down get some breakfast, it will be at least an hour. So we did....I didn't want to at first, but we did. I barely picked at a lemon poppy seed muffin...my mom says to me you have to eat it, she is going to need you when she wakes up, you have to be strong for her. I really tried to choke it down...but the last thing I could think of at that moment was me. They page us to let me know they gained access to her heart, and the procedure is officially started. So we headed back up to the cath lab to wait for her. After a while....the wonderful nurse came out and said the device is in, its all over!!

When she came out of the actual procedure, the nurse said that she would need to lay still for at least an hour to allow those wounds to clot on her leg. I knew there was NO WAY that she would lay flat and still for over an hour. Luckily they decided to leave her sedated after the procedure to allow for that. (Hallelujah!) She slept there, completely out for what seemed like an eternity! I wanted to grab her, hold her tight, and shake her awake!!!! It was so hard to leave her lying there. When she did begin to stir...it was so funny to watch her feel the grogginess of sedation. She said and did some really funny things....first her stuffed monkey was laying next to her on the bed, well at some point she saw him out of the corner of her eye and thought he was getting her. Her head spun around so fast to see what was there!! Then she says to us that she saw 2 of the same nurse! It was cute to watch her think this strange feeling through. We even asked her what she remembered....I asked if she remembered going into the other room, she said yes. I asked her who took her in there...she first looked at nana...no...mommy....no....oh yeah, her (the nurse). I asked what was in the other room...she said lots of TVs. I said what else happened...she says I cried for you, I said "(in a pitiful voice) I want my mommy". I asked what else...you could see the wheels turn and she said I don't know. So I asked how she got back out there with us....again, turning wheels, and said I don't know. Luckily....she couldn't remember a thing!! (*Another blessing!!)

God blessed us in so many ways the entire weekend. I still stand back and look at her in awe of the entire thing. How could this be? A few years ago she would have had to have a slit from her chin to her belly button, now all that's there are 2 little pin holes in her legs. AMAZING!!! Again I say God knew exactly what we could handle, what we needed, who we needed...and made sure it happened exactly that way!!!

For those of you who are interested...here is the medical part of it all. Before they went into her heart, they thought the hole was 8mm wide. The surgeon said until they actually got in there it would be hard to tell for sure. They go in through 2 veins in her legs...one for the cath and device, one for a camera. They put a small balloon in the hole and blow it up to measure the hole. It was actually bigger than they expected. All in all, hole and weak tissues around it, it was a total of 14mm, which is about a 1/2 inch. (Sounds huge, doesn't it??) The device they insert is incredible!! It is a very flexible thin piece of wire around 2 circles of gortex material. One circle goes on each side of the hole, once in place the 2 circles lock together. Within the first 12 hours, the device gets embedded in place. Within a month, tissue grows through and over the device to close the gap completely. Right now one side of her heart is enlarged because of the extra work...but he says that by the time she is a teenager her heart will be back to normal size. They did find 2 other small holes in her heart, less than a mm each. He said that if you go into any one's body you will find something. But he thinks these are no big deal. He thinks that as the tissue starts growing over this big hole, it will continue over the small ones as well. Even if it doesn't, he says these holes are not big enough to cause any trouble for her.

As I sit here typing this now....I am still in awe! I wish I could explain it more, but I can't put it into words. Words just keep flowing from my hands to the keyboard to the screen...but it doesn't begin to even touch the awesomeness I experienced this weekend.

HE was there the whole time!!!
HE was in control.
HE picked the doctors and the nurses.
HE heard my cries.
HE heard our prayers.
And ultimately, HE protected His baby girl!!!

Its funny to think back on it....there were 2 times that my mom told me afterwards that she was worried. She said the first day when she said that if they couldn't get the device placed, they would pull everything back out, then discuss rescheduling for open heart. She said the whole time during the procedure all she could think was they would come out and say the device isn't in. The 2nd thing she said the scared her was when she came out of the procedure and was still asleep...the nurse said once she was sleeping longer than she expected. Mom said that really worried her. Ok, so here's the funny part.....neither of those things even phased me, I never considered once what if! A couple of weeks before the devil was land blasting me with "what if she doesn't make it".....it was killing me. I was so consumed with fear.

But GOD changed all of that....I was not worried at all for her safety. He was there with her the whole time!! Like a blog I read a couple of days ago...the circumstances didn't change, God didn't change, His perspective on the situation didn't change...all that changed was...

I FINALLY TRUSTED HIM COMPLETELY!!!! And still do.

I am ready!

2009-09-22T13:26:00.003-04:00

The time is finally here. We leave for Duke in less than 48 hours. A couple of weeks ago I was scared out of my mind, I was so worried....all the what ifs were clouding my mind. I was really freaked out about everything.

I had a talk with my dad Saturday night....he was telling me to calm down, relax, pull it together. I tried to explain to him that if it were me I could handle it no problem, been there, done that! But this is my child, my baby, my little Abigail...so I couldn't get it together. I was a wreck!

Well Sunday morning I went to church expecting to cry the entire time, to be a mess, have someone pray with me, and hopefully get it together. But during Praise & Worship time....I really felt God speak directly to me. He said I know you are worried about your child, but remember she is MY child too. How much more do you think I love her and watch over her?

I stopped dead in my tracks....I had never felt something so strongly in all my life. I knew that I knew that I knew it was directly from God. All through the service, over and over I heard in my head "she's my child too". And suddenly I felt such a peace over the situation, a calmness that I couldn't explain, a togetherness that I hadn't felt in weeks.

So although our bags aren't completely packed, and the car route isn't completely picked....I am ready 100%. He is in control, He will protect and watch over her. She will come out the other side a stronger, healthier little girl with a testimony so big that only He can get the glory!!

In HIS timing....AGAIN!

2009-09-13T17:58:00.002-04:00

Again this week I am reminded that things happen in His time, not mine. Every time I say oh I can't do that, or I won't survive that....He reminds me, sometimes not so gently, that I can. I read a quote this week that said this....

"The task in front of me is never as great as the power behind me."

Why is that so hard to remember all the time? It's easy when things are going good, our jobs are great, we aren't arguing with our hubby, all the kids are healthy, we are happy with how things are going at church...but the minute, no the second things start to go a little wrong, we forget so quickly that He that is in us is greater than he that is in the world. Why do I forget so easily? This is what I have been asking myself this weekend.

If I know in my heart that God is in control...
If I know things will happen in HIS time...
If I know He watching over us and protecting us....
If I know He is the giver of all peace....
If I know He is the Lord of Lords....
If I know that He is the provider of all good and perfect gifts...
If I know He is the Great Physician....

Why then do I worry? Why do I let my flesh take over? No the truth of the matter is what to I let the stinkin' devil convince me of anything different?

We let our past haunt us, and think since I did all that way back when...maybe God won't take care of me this time. And the worst part is we let the devil tell us over and over that we are not forgiven, that we are not redeemed, that we are not HIS!

I can talk the talk when the going is good....but this week I vow to talk the talk and walk the walk even when I don't think I can, because I know that He always has my best interest at heart.

I know that my best is truly yet to come!!!

Boxes, boxes, and more boxes

2009-09-03T15:33:00.002-04:00

Everything I have read lately is about putting things in boxes, and stepping outside your box, and not boxing yourself in....it seems like from every direction I only hear about boxes!!!

I have always loved little boxes though....all shapes, and sizes, and colors. They fascinate me!! I like things organized too...so even better! I buy things with all kinds of little compartments to put all my crazy things in. Each thing has its place, its perfect box, or drawer, or hole. I like knowing where are things are supposed to go, and where to go when I need them.....

But life is never like that!!

We never know what to expect....or what's coming next...or who is going to come into our path. We have to be prepared for anything and everything (can I get an amen from all the mommas in the house!!) We like to be comfortable in our perfect little spot in the world...and say ok, I'll stay right here 'til Jesus comes for me. Lately, I find myself asking, is that really what He wants? Are we supposed to just sit around, do nothing, behave ourselves, and wait for Him to come again? Is that all He expects from us? NO WAY!!!!!

He has so many plans for us to carry out on this earth....He does His work through us. And unless we are ready to listen for the calling, feel the uncertainty in it all, experience the new, and see the exciting things He has in store....we could sit back and miss it all!!

Think of it this way....when I came home with all A's on my report card way back when (I mean WAY BACK when) my parents would give me the biggest smiles, and hugs, and say how proud they were of me. Think how much MORE blessing God has for us if we do what He has asked of us?? Stop and think for a minute....what if you missed out on the biggest blessing of your earthy life simply because when God said talk to "that" lady, you didn't. She's too this, or she's too that, I don't want to, I don't know her, I don't know how to say that....whatever the excuse, SO WHAT....God just said do it. He will show you how, He will lead your heart, He will guide your words, He will give you the strength, courage, faith....whatever you need to carry out His works!! As long as you step out of your box, and trust God enough to show you....

That's my prayer today....show me God....show me more each day how I can do more and be more for You!!!

He is lining it all up....

2009-08-25T07:03:00.003-04:00

I haven't written in a few days because I really didnt know what to write about....there is kind of nothing and all kinds of things going on at the same time. But I decided this morning that it all comes down to God lining things up to happen the way He wants them to.

It great to be able to stand back and look at the situation and see where God was putting things in motion, even though we couldnt see it at the time. I read something a few weeks ago that has really stuck with me since then....and it really related to this.

We, as humans, tend to picture God as one of us, just a person, small, simple minded. But He is SO NOT THAT!!! He is not held down by time or space. He can step back and look at our whole situation all in one view...not be stuck in the circumstances like we tend to get. He can see your whole life even. He sees what you are going through and says ok she's at that point now, I think she will need a little grace for this step....ok, she made it through that now she will need a little extra healing touch for this next part....ok, now she pushed through that, she will need some loving kindness for this step. He gives us each day what we need to get through that day. If He gave me everything I needed to get through the next month, I dont think I could handle it all at once. I dont think my tiny brain can hold it all.

So this morning...I have decided to try to calm down, and take everything one day at a time. I know that is an old saying...but really do any of us ever live that way? Can you honestly say that you go through your day not wishing it was tomorrow, or the weekend?

Here is my prayer for today....
"Guide me in Your truth and teach me,
for You are God my Savior,
and my hope is in You all day long." Psalm 25:5 (NIV)

Here is another great translation in the Amplified....
"Guide me in Your truth and faithfulness and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You [You only and altogether] do I wait [expectantly] all the day long."

I will wait on You expectantly today....because I know You have something BIG in store for me today!!

Still scared...

2009-08-12T06:19:00.002-04:00

Last night I was laying in my bed praying before going to sleep and I started praying about Abigail....and I got distracted. I was thinking about having to take her today for 2 shots. I haven't told her yet though....she knows we are going to the doctor, but she doesn't know its for 2 shots. And I was thinking about having to tell her that it is for her own good, and it will be ok.
Then, this is where the devil swooped in....I then thought about the day they will have to wheel her into surgery, without her mommy, and I will have to say those same words....it will be ok I promise, they are trying to make your better. Even as I type this today, I am crying. I am so scared for my little angel. I know that God will take care of her, and He has her and me right in His hands....but still...this will be scary.

It has been 3 weeks since her appt, and we still haven't heard from the doctors at Duke about when the surgery will be. I feel once I have a date, I can begin to prepare myself for it. I am strong in my faith, because of He that is in me....but when it comes to my children the human in me still gets scared. I am ready for all of this to be over.

New look and a new outlook

2009-07-30T22:22:00.002-04:00

I really am trying....I promise. Thankfully the Lord is being patient with me....He is giving me the time to ask my questions, to understand, and process ALL that is going on lately. All without getting angry or disappointed in me.

I am slowly starting to get a clue....does that mean I understand it yet?...no. Does that mean I stopped questioning?...no. Does that mean I can accept it completely yet?.....no, but I'm working on it. God is hitting me with it in small bits so I can soak it all in.

It started with a verse reference. I get emailed to me each day 4 different scriptures....one on faith, one on prayer, one on healing, and then just one extra for good measure. Honestly, some days I don't get the time to really take it all in like I would like too...in fact some days I don't even have time to read it....but this day, I sat there and just stared at the words for a long time...reading them over and over and over.

It was this verse in Habakkuk 2
3 For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come, It will not tarry.

I just sat there and read it so many times....God told me Abigail would be healed, but in His time, not mine. That I just needed to calm down, have peace about it....and wait for it. Now don't get me wrong here....I still believe she should have the surgery. I don't believe that God is saying wait for Him to miraculously heal her....but wait to see His vision for her come to pass.
So I took that as a word directly from God.

Then today on the way home from work....I think He spoke to me again but this time in a song.
The words say "You're not alone for I am here, I will wash away your every fear. My love I've never left your side and I have seen you through your darkest nights. I'm the one who's loved you all you life."
That hit me like a ton of bricks....I balled coming down that mountain road!!! He is right here....even when it feels like He's not sometimes....He's right there just waiting for me to ask Him to help. Well I am right here asking Lord....I feel so overwhelmed by all of this....work, home, church, Abigail....I need Your guidance...and more than anything Your peace about it all.

When I got home tonight, I started reading in a new bible study that me and a wonderful friend just started calling "Knowing God by Name". It takes Hebrew names of God and explains them, with verses and old hymns...well tonight's lessons was about Yahweh...and it talks about "I AM"...the thing I really got from this study is He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
Bottom line is He hasn't let me down yet, so why would He start now????

The mom in me

2009-07-26T22:18:00.003-04:00

I am trying so hard to just hold it all together....be the calm cool christian believer who knows everything will be ok, to praise Him anyways, to smile and say she's fine, to do my regular every day stuff....when really I feel so overwhelmed by it all.

Everyone else seems to be so calm with it....meanwhile its all I can think about. It is literally worrying me to death. Now granted I am a worrier at heart, I can't help myself. But this is a new one for me....none of us or our children have really had to go through anything like this. My husband, my mom, even my friends are all so together about this....and I feel like a mess on the inside. Maybe its just the mom in me.... I don't know....but I don't know how to be any different.

The biggest question on my heart lately is why would He let her go through this? If His ultimate goal is for her to be healed and live out the plans He has for her....why this way? Why suffer? why surgery? why any imperfection? why the risk? why the worry? why the hole?

At first I was very upset by my doubt...but our pastor said this morning, you have to believe in something first to even have a doubt. So I know that I believe He is in control, and He only has plans of good for her...but still all the whys!!! I have got to work through these questions and get a peace about them...but at this point....I'm not really sure how yet.

My angel....

2009-07-23T06:48:00.002-04:00

I have to say yesterday was a very rough day for me. Abigail had her 3 yr check up with her cardiologist for the hole in her heart. I knew that I knew that I knew that God had taken care of it and healed her. If you look at her, nothing looks "wrong" with her....she's growing as she should, developing as she should...nothing looks out of the ordinary. So I really believed that it was over. That we would go into that doctor's office and he would say "wow, I don't know how...but that hole is gone!" All along I would know it was God. I was sure that was how it would play out. I worked really hard to not think of the alternatives, to not consider the "other" options, to not even think about it.

Well....that's not what happened at all. As soon as the doctor walked in her started talking about "the procedure"....I could have been blown over like a feather. It was the exact opposite of what I expected to hear. I started crying right away...he says its really ok, she'll be fine, don't cry. I couldn't help it though...I was so disappointed. Not that I think she won't survive, or the procedure won't help her....but I was so sure that I had heard from God...it was like a slap in the face.

Of course almost immediately the devil starts whispering in my ear....you didn't pray enough, or see He doesn't love you, or why did you think He would do that for you, or if you had just..., or if you only.... Tons of negative thoughts started zooming through my mind. The devil hit me all day with the "you didn't pray enough" one...We got home and my head was just pounding with all the information, so I went and laid down for a nap with my little angel. She is so amazing....so calm at the doctor and after, even asked if we were going to the hospital today. She says to me "I love you angel" and I can't help but tear up again. I just hate the thought of her going through this....

Finally later in the evening, I was able to find some things to praise Him for in this trial anyways....
First, the doctor said she is an excellent candidate for a new less evasive procedure where they insert a device through a catheter in her leg, rather than open heart. Please continue to pray with me for this!!
Secondly, the doctor also believes that all of her lung issues are linked to this. He believes by fixing the hole in her heart, mostly likely the asthma/allergy/pneumonia issues will all go away too!
And third...luckily a wonderful nurse and then a wonderful friend confirmed that I should try to apply for medicaid for her, because of her issues....I didn't think we would ever qualify, but I decided to apply anyways....well we qualified by a margin of $60!!! That was definitely God...because now all of these trips to Duke will be 100% covered!!!

Please pray with me for continued strength and joy throughout this ordeal....they say it could be 3 months before she is able to get an appointment. I know she is not on death's door, or waiting will hurt her....its just the anticipation. I am ready for all of this to be over for her. Luckily the doctor also said she probably won't even remember it.

Here's the lesson learned in all of this....yes God said to me that she is healed....but He didn't say how or when. I imposed those stipulations on the situation, I ASSUMED it would be miraculously, I assumed it would just close on its own....maybe God's plan all along was this special doctor at Duke with a special new device that could fix all of her problems. I just have to believe that He has it all in control...and He will take care of my little angel!!!

I live to worship....

2009-07-05T22:18:00.008-04:00

I know I blogged on this same subject last time, but this is really on my heart lately. Someone brought up this song today, and I love it!!! This video is so powerful too.

We seem to take for granted that we have the freedom to worship our God anyway we want, anywhere we want, anytime we want. But yet we still seem to hide Him away. Yeah, we'll go to church and sing and dance and cry a few tears...but then we leave the building, and before we even get out of the parking lot we're yelling at the kids, or arguing with the husband, or complaining about traffic, or hating having to go to work. We get to work, and we are a completely different person, forgetting all about that amazing worship service we were part of....we go home, and we forget about praising Him anyways....until we go back to church on Wednesday. Then we praise our guts out again....until we leave the building again, and its starts all over again. Why can't we continue to praise Him through out our day no matter what happens? Or let me change that.....why can't I continue to praise Him throughout the day? Why can I worship Him with everything I have at church or in the car....but when it comes to my regular life I can't seem to get it right??? I want to REMEMBER to thank Him anyways, to love on Him anyways, to sing to Him anyways...no matter what my circumstances look like. That's what we were MADE to do!!!

I have been working for a while with a group of amazing kids at church called Celebration Kidz. Again, if you had asked me 5 years ago if this is the ministry I would be involved in, I would have said no. But God had it planned all along!! He has to remind me of that occasionally too....this morning in church there was a new person singing on the praise team, and for a second my flesh was so jealous, I could feel that spirit coming over me. I wanted to be singing. But God quicken in my spirit....do you forget so quickly? How amazing was your praise and worship time with those kids just 5 minutes ago? That is where I have called you to be. That is what you are supposed to be doing. You are using all your talents for my glory with these kids. That is what you were made to do right now.....and He is so right! I love being with those kids....I am in awe of them every time we meet. So this week I ask for your prayers for Celebration Kidz. They have learned so much in the last few weeks....and starting Sunday, they get to put it to use. We are having our Kidz Krusade at church, and they will be the praise team for the entire week. I just want them to be as free in service as they are in practice. You can see the love for God on their little faces...and I want everyone to see that!!! So help me pray for calm, confident spirits for each of these children....that they can show the love of Jesus to all of our church family and any visitors through their praise and worship of our amazing God!!!!

A Worshipper at Heart

2009-06-14T20:55:00.002-04:00

I have to admit I am an addict of facebook....I need a 12 step program...hello, my name is Libby, and I am addicted to facebook...but all kidding aside....
I took a silly quiz on there today that really said something true. I took a little quiz about what you were gifted by God to do...the answer to my quiz was a worshipper. The quiz was a little dumb but I really liked the explanation it give. Check it out....

"Your destiny is a worshipper. Worship is a natural instinct and a basic need for every person. A simple definition of worship is to regard with great devotion or to honor as a divine being. Worship happens when we sing to God, whether in church or alone - in our cars or in the shower. Your desire is to please the heart of God, it is worship, no matter where the location or how many are involved. A life of praise and worship fills your deepest needs and amazingly it also brings great joy to God. "

The part that struck me was its a basic need for every person. Deep down we all long to please the heart of our Father. We all are looking to make Him smile, to make His heart sing, to be a sweet song in His ear...
Then why do we hold back?? Why are we worried about what Sister So & So sitting next to us thinks about our worship?? Why are we worried if someone will notice?? Why do we stop just short of giving Him our all?? Does He hold back on us??

I have been working on the song "Audience of One" for our Kidz Krusade this summer...that's what we have to remember. Our only audience (THAT REALLY MATTERS!!) is Him. Who cares what anyone else thinks. Worship is a special time between God and ourself...no one else. Don't get me wrong though....I love corporate worship, but only because it inspires me more to go deeper with Him. I love being in service, and lost in my own little world in worship....then to open my eyes and see someone else really getting it to it....it only confirms to me that being free in worship is the right thing to do.

This morning we sang "Alpha and Omega" and all I could do was get on my knees and weep....He is the beginning and the end....and so worthy of all our praise, no matter what else is going on in our lives.

This week...stop and think....are you just singing that song because it came on the radio, or because your music minister choose it....or are you singing it with all your heart to you Father in Heaven because He deserves everything you can give and a million times more??

One Simply Request

2009-05-16T06:36:00.003-04:00

This morning as I was praying a phrase came to me that I decided was going to be my goal.
I was praying for the couples that are at the marriage conference at our church this weekend...but then said hold on a second, I want that too!!!

I want to HEAR His voice, to SEE His hand, and to FEEL His heart.

Its that simply....I want to slow down and be quiet so that I can clearly hear His voice.
I want to see the works of His hands, to know He is in the midst of everything I go through, and His hand is on it.
And mostly to feel the heart of God, I want to be more like Him. To go to church tomorrow and love on those kids as Jesus himself would love on any us us. To show them that unconditional love, not because of something they have done, but just because who they are. To make a difference in their lives, so they can then go out and share that same wonderful feeling with other kids, or their families.

Simply put...Lord, be with me as I go through this day, I want to HEAR YOU, to SEE YOU, to FEEL YOU...in the midst of everything in my life that is crazy. I invite you in, you are welcome, come in and show yourself mightily. In your precious name! AMEN.

Sons of God

2009-05-03T21:05:00.002-04:00

This morning our pastor mentioned in passing about the bible always saying "Sons of God" never "Daughters of God"...he said that would preach good and knock our socks off.

At first...when I thought about that I was upset....but then I stopped for a second and had a idea of why, so I wanted to research it a little bit.

Here's a scripture I found:
I Chronicles 17:11-14
11 And it shall be, when your days are fulfilled, when you must go to be with your fathers, that I will set up your seed after you, who will be of your sons; and I will establish his kingdom. 12 He shall build Me a house, and I will establish his throne forever. 13 I will be his Father, and he shall be My son; and I will not take My mercy away from him, as I took it from him who was before you. 14 And I will establish him in My house and in My kingdom forever; and his throne shall be established forever.”’”

Why would He refer to all people as he, or sons? I knew it wasn't because He thought any less of women or anything like that...but why???

Then it hit me.....with a son, the blood line doesn't stop, the inheritance continues, the family name will carry on forever....a daughter is a dead end to a family name's history, she is the end of the line.

Jesus' bloodline is to carry on for eternity...He WAS and IS and IS TO COME now and forever!! So everyone must be a son....so that we can all be a part of the family, and receive the inheritance that God has in store for us.

Romans 8:16-18
16 The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.
18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.

God's Glory

2009-04-25T06:46:00.002-04:00

This is going to be a short post, but it is something I just had to share. My daughter has been carrying an old bible of ours to church lately, and last Sunday I opened it up and found a quote that I had written on the first page. First of all, I am not a bible writer, meaning I have always thought it wasn't ok to write in your bible, so this must have been really important at the time for me to put it there. But I can't for the life of me remember where I got it, or why I wrote it....but I really like it.

It said....
Praise until the spirit of worship comes. Worship until the Glory of God appears, then just stand in the presence of the Glory of God.

Way too long....

2009-04-20T22:44:00.002-04:00

WOW....it has been a long time since I blogged. I just got so busy and wrapped up in other things, there was just never enough time.

I have to say God is doing some amazing things in my life these days. He has provided provision when we saw none....He has provided hope in areas where I thought there was none....He has provided clear vision at work, when I thought it was hopeless....He has provided a new direction for my ministry to go....He is an AWESOME GOD!! I have to say.

One of the places I am trying to work on in me lately is prayer. Its hard for me....I forget, or lose track of time, or never know what to say. Someone said to me tonight....its just a conversation with a friend, just relax, don't over think it. Because bottom line is He already knows, He just wants to spend time with you. Well...I've been seeing new things happen in my prayer life. I really feel like God is telling me specific things. For the first time in my life I feel like God is truly speaking to me, and its amazing!!
The other day I was praying, well a better word is whining to God...I was saying that I was tired of working so hard and having nothing! God QUICKLY rebuked me...and said you don't have nothing - you have a healthy, happy family, a house to live in, a job to go to every day, a care to get there, and no one is going hungry at your house, You don't have nothing!! And He's right...why do we always cry about the things we don't have instead of thanking Him for the things we do have?
Then in children's ministry lately...I have felt such a tug by the Holy Spirit to offer salvation to the kids. I felt like I HAD to mention it. That was a strange new feeling for me. To feel truly lead by the Holy Spirit. I was in shock really...I didn't think I was holy enough for that. Plus I had no idea how to say it....how do you bring that up to a kid...but I was again reminded by a wonderful friend and sister in Christ...We are just the vessel, He is the giver of the feelings and the words. If I will allow Him to use me to speak to these children...He will give me the words to say when I should say them. I was very reluctant at first...because I remember as a child being guilted or pressured into accepting Jesus...that is exactly what I don't want to do, I don't want to be that person. I want these children to choose Jesus....to know He can live in them and through them. If they can just grasp that, think how many kids can be reached at school!! It amazes me how much closer to God our children are than we were at their age....my 9 year old asks me questions about the bible that I have no idea how to answer....but she is thinking it through, and reading, and really wanting to be a light for Jesus everywhere she goes.

Ok....now I am just starting to babble on and on since it's been a while. I had forgotten how much I liked the view from on top of my soap box (ha ha ha). Anyways....its good to be back in the blog world!

YEAH ME!

2009-03-24T20:25:00.004-04:00

I am so excited to receive my first blog award from my wonderful new friend Lynn today!

There are only two rules to follow after accepting this award and they are...
1. Confess 5 things you are addicted to.2. Pass the award on to 5 deserving bloggers.

SO let me think of the 5 things I am addicted to....wow! it's really hard to narrow it down!!

1. Praise and Worship - I love leading this with the children at our church. I can't even begin to explain how joy it gives me to hear them all singing HOLY HOLY HOLY!!!

2. Facebook - or as I more fondly call it "crackbook". It is horribly addictive!! I just can't stop!

3. Puffy Cheetos - all the salespeople at work know that if they want something from me....all they have to do to butter me us is bring me a Dr Pepper and a bag of cheetos (but not the crunchy ones, only the puffs)

4. Popsicles - this is a new one for me. I am desperately trying to lose weight. And I found out I can soothe a sweet tooth with a Popsicle that has only 40 calories and NO fat. YEAH!!! I just finished a HULK Popsicle seconds ago!!

5. Blogs (writing and reading) - I love seeing into people souls. You are more apt to write what you really feel, rather than tell someone. I strongly suggest everyone try it. Its good to get it off your chest.

Now to pass it on to 5 deserving bloggers.....
Check this out and I promise you will be blessed!!!

Beth at www.silvertanner.blogspot.com
and also at www.momentsframed.blogspot.com

Michelle at www.hills-avl.blogspot.com

Pamela at www.inhisgraces.blogspot.com

and Sara at www.reallifeblog.net

I read all of these regularly and am so touched by every post. I hope you will be too!!!

You belong here!

2009-03-18T23:09:00.002-04:00

I was listening to a teaching from Beth Moore this week (thank you Lynn!!) and the very first thing she said was "You Belong Here". Now of course she was saying if you were at that event, that God had you there for a purpose...to learn something, be touched by the Holy Spirit, be moved....have a moment with Him. BUT....it spoke to me on a completely different level. I had me a little holy ghost fit right there in the car. It made me realize....that I belonged in the moment where I was. I was supposed to be in this spot, in this place...doing what I am doing. God had it planned WAY before I was even born. He knew that I would face this...and would come out on the other side better!! He didn't say it would be easy....or fun....but I would come out better in some way.

I know that I am good at my job....but I am too quick to say "sure I can do that too" or "no, I don't mind" or "I'll take care of that too".....but its time to focus in....to buckle down...and do my job and not everyone else's!!! I am not going to be told that my job is not being done....because I am being kept busy with other things to do. I expect to have a very clear picture of what is expected of me....and also give them a very clear picture of what I am not going to do. One of those things is I am not going to be 5 years down the road and realize that I missed out on my children's life because I was always at work. They come first!!! Yes I have to have my job to support them....but they need ME there to support them too, not just my paycheck. I need a break....I am going to ask for a long weekend off to spend with my girls....please pray the favor of God on this meeting tomorrow....I don't want to say anything I will regret, but I don't plan on just sitting there and taking it either.

just tired....

2009-03-13T23:44:00.002-04:00

This I think has been the longest week in history....I am so confused about the next step to take....which way should I go? I have asked my husband what to do....I've asked my friends...I've asked my mom....I've asked my dad....and thursday, I am supposed to meet with my boss to see which way he thinks I should go...

But I haven't stopped to ask God which way He thinks is best. If He sits above and can see the whole path...beginning and end...why wouldn't I think to stop and ask Him for directions?? Because we like to think we can figure it out alone, don't bother God with my silly problems, I can use the brains HE gave me to figure it out.
BUT...here's the catch...our teeny tiny brains can only process so much, can only see so much, can only understand so much. HE on the other hand knew this fork in the road would be in front of us on this day at this moment before we were even born. HE KNEW!!! So why not ask Him for the directions? Why not depend on His advice? Why not allow Him to help us....because He is sitting there waiting for us to ask.

He should be my refuge, my stronghold, my portion, my deliverer...so why not lean on Him???

Psalm 61:1-4
1 Hear my cry, O God;
Attend to my prayer.
2 From the end of the earth I will cry to You,
When my heart is overwhelmed;
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

3 For You have been a shelter for me,
A strong tower from the enemy.
4 I will abide in Your tabernacle forever;
I will trust in the shelter of Your wings. Selah

Stop and Let God Show up

2009-03-01T14:55:00.003-05:00

Man...this morning at church was amazing!! There is no other word for it. Truly awesome!! OK, so maybe there is another word for it!!

I keep trying to start telling the story but I kept having to delete and back up a little more in the story to get the entire picture. So....I am typically not in "big church" first thing because I lead praise and worship with the kids. But this morning because of Tyler and I's dance...we were in the right from the beginning. At Breakthrough, we do declarations in faith each week as a body. There are wonderful. Because I am not usually in there...I had forgotten how powerful and amazing they are (I keep using that word today...AMAZING!!) We say things like "I put on the whole armor of God and no weapon formed against me shall prosper" or "I am victorious against my enemies" and "I am the head and not the tail" or "I will carry the spirit of this house in our businesses, our homes, our schools, and our communities"...I got all choked up right from the beginning this morning....I was worried that I would be too stirred up to dance....HELLOO!! IS there ever such a thing as too stirred up in God????

SO then it was time for Tyler and I...first she read Ecclesiastes 3:1-4....in a nutshell it says there is a time on earth for everything!! I tell you what this entire experience....and especially THIS day was right on time for me!!! I almost busted hearing her read that scripture aloud. It warmed my heart so much...to know how much this means to her...to see her grow in the Lord, to be excited to be at church and not feel dragged to church each week like most kids do. I was about to explode...and this was all before we even got started. As an aside...I love our church....our Pastor said to everyone one beforehand please don't sit down and watch...get up, get excited, even do a little holy dance too if you want to.....and everyone did!!! Everyone was on their feet, singing, and clapping and encouraging us....it was amazing!! (There's that word again!!) It was an incredible feeling....for 2 reasons for me....first I wanted everyone to see its ok to worship God with movement, in fact it is incredible!! 2ndly....I was so proud of Tyler...for putting her mind and heart to something and really going after it...she worked so hard, and you could see in her face that she really felt it too....she loves Jesus and praising Him. Again...I could have exploded...but it keeps going....

We went from that into Praise and Worship...which is always great at Breakthrough....but today, it was different, everyone seemed free-er (I'm not even sure that's a word) We sang "there will never be a friend as dear to me as you"....and the whole time all I could think was...the word friend does not even begin to explain it, it's not near big enough of a word...He is so much more than that. Friends can come and go...friends get into arguments....friends can still hurt your feelings sometimes....but He is so much more than that! SO much BIGGER! So much better!!
Our last song said "I will praise the Lamb of God who sits upon the throne. He who was and is and is to come, I will sing before your throne forever" But my favorite is the second verse "all the angels sing and they bow down and they sing holy, holy". I have told the kids lately that there are angels that fly around the throne 24/7 just saying holy!!! I love any song that says HOLY....it gets me all stirred up. In fact I looked for the verse about this and couldn't find it....if you know it please let me know. So this particular goes into "holy, holy" and I just feel to my knees and thanked Him for everything He has done, is doing, and will do!! I got lost in the moment actually....then I realized EVERYONE was lost in the moment....God was definitely at Breakthrough this morning. It was amazing!! The Holy Spirit was moving through us all....so many were praying and worshiping. I can't even begin to explain the incredible feeling that was just in the air....

This is getting way long so let me get to the point of all this rambling....Nate started talking about going through the motions of church, being a member, doing the right things, but do you really know Jesus??? It stopped me in my tracks....its true, yes of course I know Jesus....but do I really "KNOW" Him? Do I have a relationship with Him? Is He truly IN me? The answer was no....I had let what I thought was a lack of time keep me from really seeking His face. I had some things from my past that were really bothering me lately...things I wasn't sure I deserved forgiveness for....then it hit me...I don't deserve forgiveness, but He gave it anyways!!! By the grace of God I am released from it, and redeemed from it. So...since He let it go, I have to do the same....I have to allow myself to stop looking back, and just move forward with Him. And God said to me to leave it behind, and that may mean leaving some of those people behind too...the ones that remind me of those times when I wasn't all I was supposed to be, the ones who try to keep you as "that girl they used to know".....that's not me anymore!! And thank God its not.

I still have some soul searching to do over this....but I am determined to seek Him more...not just when I need something from Him....but all of my days!

I am adding the link for this song that I talked about...let it speak to your heart today.

Just a thought...

2009-02-23T20:46:00.002-05:00

Today I was sitting in a drive thru...daydreaming...with christian radio on in the background. I was really off in my own little world, almost like time was standing still for a moment. I don't really remember what was being said on the radio, I was just really off in la-la land. But all of a sudden the sky got very dark...something had changed in the sky. And at that exact moment something was said on the radio about Jesus coming back. And it made me think....

It could happen at any moment. Today, tomorrow, next month, right now....there will be no announcement at church the Sunday before..."Be sure to sign up...bring a friend...don't be late". It will just happen. I like to put things I don't understand in a little box...this is one of those things. I like to pretend I will be forewarned....but that's not how it will work.
I love the way this translation says it....
2 Peter 3:10(The Message)
10But when the Day of God's Judgment does come, it will be unannounced, like a thief. The sky will collapse with a thunderous bang, everything disintegrating in a huge conflagration, earth and all its works exposed to the scrutiny of Judgment.

I just sat there for a while thinking....it could be ANYTIME! That really amazed me at first...and then it really began to freak me out!!

Here were the thoughts I had in those few moments....ones that I will ponder this week...
What have I done today alone that I would regret if Jesus came?
What would I wish I would have already said if Jesus came back today?
Or who would I wish I had testified to or ministered to already if Jesus came today?

We need to live every moment like it could be our last on this earth...remember there's no email, or voicemail, or text message to let us know He's coming....it could be any second!

2 Peter 3:11-13 (The Message)
11-13Since everything here today might well be gone tomorrow, do you see how essential it is to live a holy life? Daily expect the Day of God, eager for its arrival. The galaxies will burn up and the elements melt down that day—but we'll hardly notice. We'll be looking the other way, ready for the promised new heavens and the promised new earth, all landscaped with righteousness.

Praise Him!!

2009-02-19T21:14:00.003-05:00

This week has been awesome. Tyler and I are working on our dance for church....and it is going so well, really!!

It is to the song I have posted the words to before, Make it Matter!! And it is the perfect song...that is my prayer everyday. Don't let me live in vain....make my life matter!!

We have worked so hard together....and the together is the best part. Tyler and I have really bonded through this experience. The other night she asked me to pause the music so she could tell me something...I had no idea what to expect...with Tyler, you never can tell. Well here's what she said: "You know mommy, I am more committed to this than anything else that I have ever done, even the play." (**As an aside, she did a school play that they practiced for 6 straight months**) She continued and said "and you know what the best part is? I am not even worried about messing up because we will be around people who know us, and love us. And besides we are doing it for Jesus, and they will know that too."

I thought she was going to cry...I thought I was going to cry. She got that big I'm so happy I could bust smile on her face...she is so pumped about this. And I love to see that she really understands what it is about. Not us, not the audience, but HIM, and HIM only!!

Please continue to pray for our creativity, strength, and everlasting joy!!

A Spirit Movement

2009-02-16T20:25:00.002-05:00

I am so excited about this....it is all I could think about all day long!!!!

Tyler and I have gotten involved in the Praise Dance ministry at our church. It is an amazing way to express praise and worship to our Heavenly Father!!

Many of us grew up thinking you weren't allowed to even talk in church...let alone clap, or move, or especially not dance!! It is all over the bible...why would it be wrong then???

Jeremiah 13:13 says
13 The young women will dance for joy, and the men—old and young—will join in the celebration. I will turn their mourning into joy. I will comfort them and exchange their sorrow for rejoicing.

Tyler and I had a song on our hearts to use for the dance ministry....it was a song that spoke to me, and I could feel the movements for it. Well, I took it to practice the other day...and Keena loved it...in fact, she wants us to work on it for church next week. So my request is simple....pray for us... for creativity, for strength, for joy, and for the right purpose...to praise HIM!!!

I'll take it...

2009-02-05T19:21:00.002-05:00

Many of you know the struggles we have with our baby Abigail. She has a small hole in her heart that they are monitoring, and she was diagnosed last spring with asthma. Let me say, neither of these slow her down at all. She is a vibrant, active, beautiful, smart, little girl. But she is sometimes a little less immune to the cold season....

Well, Sunday during church they had to come and get me because she started crying and was burning up. That is very not like her, so I knew something was going on. I took her into the sanctuary with me, because I knew I needed someone to agree with me in prayer over her.
Wonderful Ms. Sharon prayed over us both, agreeing that we would not accept another bout of pneumonia, we would not claim it, that we were going to claim her healing right there. I left church pumped!! I knew that wherever 2 agreed, He was in the midst of it. We went home, and she continued to get worse. Her fever was staying at 103, and she was very sickly looking. I called our doctor's on call service, explained to the online doctor her history...and he said he would call her in an antibiotic to try, and we would see what happened.

Well, her fever went down a little, but never under 101. By Monday afternoon, the fever was back up to 103 and she was throwing up. So we decided it was time to do something. I took her to er at the hospital in Asheville. Not sure what to expect...but needing to find out something.

Long story short....she was diagnosed with not only pneumonia but also RSV. I freaked out! I couldn't understand why the exact opposite of what I had prayed for, believed for...was happening! And especially to an undeserving baby! Why??

I tried to be the "good" christian and not ask questions. But I was confused..I wanted some type of answer anyway. I wasn't doubting God...but I wanted to understand. For so many years I have heard Christians say "oh, you just didn't have enough faith for her healing"....that's crap. I did, and it still didn't happen. Why??

I talked to our pastor....I wanted him to understand that I wasn't upset with God, or doubting Him, or turning the other way...I just wanted to understand. Why would God allow something like this to happen to a child. I knew that I wouldn't get the "typical" pastor's answer from him. And what he said really helped me...I don't even think he knows how much. He said that even though God didn't take away this illness from her....you may not see the bigger illness that the devil was trying to put on her that God saved her from.

That really made sense...there were 2 small (but significant) things I decided to cling to from all of this. First of all...the antibiotic the on call doctor called in for her...was the EXACT one they would give a child for the type of pneumonia she had. SO....by the time we got to the er, she already had 2 doses of that. AMEN! Secondly, the doctor at the er said her murmur was soooo faint! AMEN #2!

In the middle of this trial, another good friend of mine said to try praying for very specific things...not just a general healing but take her fever down, calm her down, help her eat, help her breath....be specific instead of so general. And I will say....everything I asked of Him after that advice, HE DID!!! Amen #3!!

I am happy to say that we are home now...and recovering well. Thank you Jesus!!

Make It Matter!!!

2009-01-30T08:09:00.002-05:00

I tell you what....God has really been speaking to me lately through song. (**confirmation that I am involved in the right ministry**) Anyways...He really has. He has put certain songs on my head, heart, and even in my hands (thanks Jenny) that are really touching me and talking to me this week.

This last week since Sunday has seemed like it has lasted a month! I have learned so much about myself, My God, and my relationship with Him. It truly has been amazing.

I have finally realized, and I guess I knew it all along, but apparently God had to hit me upside the head with it to make it stick...but I realized that what I've been through, the bad things that happened or the bad things I did, they simply grow my testimony. Through my mistakes I can minister to others who have made or are making those same mistakes. All those moments in history...are the things that are weaved together to make my coat of many colors (Amen, Pastor Nate!). ALL the things I have seen, done, been through...not just the good stuff, but ALL of it, comes together to form the person God intended me to be. Now I have to use it....make it matter. Check out the words to this Natalie Grant song...it says it perfectly. MAKE IT MATTER!!

Pack my bags and my regrets
Every second that I've wasted
Chasing after
My pursuit of happiness
Has only left me searching
There must be more

[Chorus:]
Take my life and lift me up to the sky
Take my dreams and help me to fly
On the wings of possibility
Come rewrite my history
(till it's) only you I'm chasing after
Take this life and make it matter

Help me give more than I take
Let me see into somebody else's heartache
And be the difference love can make
My heart is finally finding
That there is more

Only one life to live
Only one love to give
Only one life, only one love
So make it, make it matter

I'm in better hands now....

2009-01-28T14:23:00.006-05:00

Lately I have become very addicted to Facebook...I have reconnected with so many old friends. It has been amazing. Tons of memories are flooding my mind, all the fun, being a kid, enjoying life, no responsibilities....as adult rethinking those times, you start to realize why you were that way, or why you acted that way..or maybe you don't, and you start to search inside yourself to figure out what happened. Where did that happyy go lucky girl go??

As I remembered today, my mind was flooded with not only good thoughts....but of all the things I did along the way that I was ashamed of. I know that God has already forgiven me for all of them...but I had to say it to be sure...I begged God to show His grace, and forgive all of those things in my past. Whether I realized at the time they were hurting someone else or not....I knew that God had already wiped the slate clean...but I knew I needed His grace and His mercy upon me to be able to forgive myself.

In the midst of this, He brought to my mind this wonderful song...first I must say it was an amazing feeling, because I know HE put that song in my head. I haven't heard it in forever...in fact it took me a while to remember all the words. But it reminded me that I am in His hands now....and that if I will look to Him before I take a step....He will show me the way!!

I hope this song touches you heart....it definitely has mine today!
(Remember go down and pause the music that is already playing before playing this video)

A romance

2009-01-25T21:21:00.002-05:00

This week I read a wonderful love story...I was in awe of the book and the main character all week as I read each and every page. I was dying to come home each night and read more of their wonderful tale. I longed to have someone "after" me as he was after her. I wanted to be pursued and romanced....and longed for.

My heart ached that I didn't have that type of relationship anymore. You get set in your ways as a married couple with kids, and you lose some of that early relationship pizazz. I wanted to be looked at the way they described this couple looking at each other. I wanted to be kissed the way they did the first time. I wanted to be sought after.

Then tonight, it finally dawned on me...I am sought after everyday by God. He longs for me to be closer to Him. He longs to hold me close and protect me from everything that harms us. He longs to spend quiet moments away with me. He begs of us to take in His love...His perfect love...and then in turn show it to others.

Maybe....just maybe, if I pursued my husband more, rather than waiting for him. Maybe if I lovingly said "I'll do that for you honey", rather than expecting him to handle it. Maybe if I slowed down and really appreciated him for all he does.....I just may see more of what I want coming my way in return.

Rather than expecting someone in my life to change....maybe I need to change first.

He is Coming!!

2009-01-14T19:55:00.002-05:00

I was going through boxes and boxes of books lately looking for yearbooks from school and found a book that I don't think I ever read. When I first became a christian in college, I loved reading anything by Max Lucado. So much so that my bible is a devotional/study bible with notes by him, and I still love it!! Anyways...the particular book used to scare me, I didn't want to think about it....wanted to pretend I was comfortable with the idea, even if it scared me to death. The title of the book is "When Christ Comes". So I sat it out last week, and thought to myself maybe I'll read it now.

So, today I had to wait to pick up Tyler from play practice, and she is always late, so I took this book with me. I only read the first chapter, but WOW!! It hit me hard, so I decided to include an excerpt in my blog tonight. It may be a little long, but worth reading I promise. It really gave me a new perspective on it. Here goes...

"You are in your car driving home. Thoughts wander to the game you want to see or the meal you want to eat, when suddenly a sound unlike any you've ever heard fills the air. The sound is high above you. A trumpet? A choir? A choir of trumpets? You don't know, but you want to know. So, you pull over, get out of your car, and look up. As you do, you see you aren't the only curious one. The roadside has become a parking lot. Car doors are open, and people are staring at the sky. Shoppers are racing out of the grocery store. The Little League baseball game across the street has come to a halt. Players and parents are searching the clouds.
And what they see, and what you see, has never been seen before.

As if the sky were a curtain, the drapes of the atmosphere part. A brilliant light spills onto the earth. There are no shadows. None. From whence came the light begins to tumble a river of color - spiking crystals of every hue ever seen and a million more never seen. Riding on the flow is an endless fleet of angels. They pass through the curtains on myriad at a time, until they occupy every square inch of the sky. North. South. East. West. Thousands of silvery wings rise and fall in unison, and over the sound of the trumpets, you can hear the cherubim and seraphim chanting "Holy, holy, holy".

The final flank of angels is followed by twenty-four silver-bearded elders and a multitude of souls who join the angels in worship. Presently the movement stops and the trumpets are silent, leaving only the triumphant triplet: Holy, holy, holy. Between each word is a pause. With each word, a profound reverence. You hear your voice join in the chorus. You don't know why you say the words, but you know you must.
Suddenly, the heavens are quiet. All is quiet. The angels turn, you turn, the entire world turns - and there he is. Jesus. Through waves of light you see the silhouetted figure of Christ the King. He is atop a great stallion, and the stallion is atop a billowing cloud. He opens his mouth, and you are surrounded by his declaration: "I am the Alpha and the Omega".

The angels bow their heads. The elders remove their crowns. And before you is a figure so consuming that you know, instantly you know: Nothing else matters. Nothing is newsworthy, All that mattered, matters no more, for Christ has come...."
("When Christ Comes" by Max Lucado)

I am almost in tears now again, just from typing this. Can you even imagine?? My favorite line is when he says that you hear yourself saying "Holy, holy, holy" and you don't even know why. You just know that you should. Amazing!!!

I have 2 comments...the writer goes on to say that he wonders how people feel after reading those words. His comments revolved around 2 responses....discomfort and disappointment. Discomfort at being judged, discomfort in not feeling worthy.
Disappointed in not having the baby you always wanted, or not being married yet, or not seeing your family one last time on earth.

Well, that is COMPLETELY opposite from what I felt. And granted if I had read this book in that first year of belief, I may have been with him....but I felt extreme JOY!! I want to be there, I want to hear that sound, see those sights, be in HIS presence. Could we really see the coming of Jesus in our lifetime?? My heart jumps at the thought. It is so overwhelming just to imagine. Think about it...every square inch of sky filled with angels.

My second comment is....we don't have to wait until we see him face to face to say "Holy, holy, holy". You can feel that feeling now....not knowing why you should say it, but knowing you should. There have been moments at church that I can feel His presence so thick in the air that all I can say or think is "HOLY". I love those moments....I need more of those moments....because He is worthy of all our praise!!!!

Sorry for the long post....but it was the right thing for me today. And hopefully for you too.

Like a Tree...

2009-01-11T20:44:00.003-05:00

This morning, Pastor Nate said that though the storms will come and the wind will blow, we will still be standing. He said that God created us to be able to not only survive the storms but to flourish in them.

A verse he used that really struck me was:
"The righteous shall flourish like a palm tree, he shall grow like a cedar in Lebanon"
Psalm 92:12

He had done some research on the palm tree to figure out why in the world God would compare His people to a palm tree. It was an amazing story really!! Palm trees have a HUGE root system that can reach out as far as 35 feet from the trunk of the tree. What does that mean??? Well when a hurricane comes, the biggest storm around, it can blow and blow and blow, and a palm tree is so grounded it cannot be moved. It can be flexible and bend in any direction, but never break.

Well he didn't really talk about the second half of the verse. So I decided that if God very purposely choose the palm, the cedar must be important too. I had to find out why. It was sort of funny actually, as I was driving home from church thinking about it, I thought to myself....how did God know the palm would survive all those storms??? DUH!!! HE made the trees knucklehead!

Anyways....so I decided that once I got home I would do some research online about the cedars of Lebanon. I like having something to look up...it gets me into the word like I should be. But for me it gives me a purpose to look and come out the other side with some real answers.

The cedars are the opposite of the palms....they can get big on top. It said online that they can have a huge out shooting of branches. That if this tree is in a large group of trees, it will grow very tall and straight and slender. But if it is by itself, it will grow large reaching branches, that create a huge umbrella of limbs. I thought about this for a long time...here's how I decided to take this. You don't have to be part of a huge group to have strength, as long as you have the Lord on your side. Your testimony can reach out so far all on its own. I'm not saying its not important to be a part of something, because if we are strong alone, how much more can we do together. BUT...you have to have your own strength through God. In the reading I did, it said the cedars of Lebanon were so strong they were used to built huge buildings, including the palace of King Solomon and David.

Simply said, sometimes I have to be reminded that I am strong in the Lord and in the power of His might!! And so are you!!

A New Approach

2009-01-07T22:38:00.002-05:00

Any time something is not going the way I want it to in my life, or someone is not doing what I want them to....I pray for God to change them, or the situation. It's not me God...it's them. Why can't you fix them? God hit me this weekend with a big answer....if something is wrong, maybe it is you....

OUCH!! That was harsh huh?

So I stepped back and thought about it. If there are situations in my life that I am not happy in...how can I fix them? What can I do to change their minds? Then I remembered...all I can do is change how I respond. I cannot change anyone but myself. So maybe if I reacted differently...I would see the same change coming back to me.

Here's an example...we had something happen this week with John and I that would usually start a huge argument. The situation was wide open, begging for a knock down, drag out, full force, screaming match. I could feel it coming like a freight train barrelling down on me. I stopped for a split second, and prayed (not like me, but maybe this shows I should more often)
I asked God to help me diffuse this situation, to keep it from getting out of hand. I said to God that HE would have to stop me, to keep me calm so that I wouldn't say something I would regret later. I didn't want things to go the same way they always had. John just sat there, not saying a word, even if he was asked a question, he stayed quiet. It made me so mad, drove me crazy. I could feel the ugly comments coming up in my throat, ready to burst out....then I heard God say, wait Libby. Not now, don't say that, you don't mean it, hold it. So I did, I didn't say one harsh mean word...I just waited it out. And after about an hour or so the tension went away....like magic.

But I know it wasn't magic...it was totally 100% GOD!!! And even now as I sit here and think about it...John may not know it, but God was working on and through him too. He would have normally exploded and just yelled and screamed....but at the very beginning John said to me stop talking to me, I'm trying not to yell. I totally blocked that out yesterday, I didn't even hear it...I just realized how amazing that is!!!

We sang a song in childrens church tonight that says:
"Trust, trust in the Lord
Lean not on your own understanding
In all, all of your ways acknowledge Him,
He'll make your path straight.

You'll be my God for life
I'll walk by Your side
With your hand in mine
I'll go where You lead me

My eyes can only see
The ground beneath my feet
Your dreams are greater
Your ways are higher
O Lord please show me."

I told the kids that all we see is the stuff right in front of our face, God is so much bigger, He knows our past, our future and everything in between...so why not rely on Him when making a big decision? He only wants what's best for us, and can He see the whole picture.

I tell you what, some nights I learn more from children's ministry than they do.

Struggles

2009-01-02T23:50:00.003-05:00

On my way home from work tonight, I heard someone speaking on the local christian radio station about dealing with struggles. I thought to myself this may be the perfect thing for me to listen to...maybe it was God's timing for me to turn on the radio and hear this....maybe I would find a new way to approach some of the struggles in my life.

This person said that God "allows" us to have struggles in our life to teach us something. That maybe the struggles didn't come from God, but where ever they came from, He was the keeper of the gate, and He decided whether or not to let them into our lives...so eventually they were from Him. He allowed bad things into our circumstances so He could teach us something through the trial.

STOP THE TRAIN....SAY WHAT???

John 10:10 says "The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

That does not fit in with the before mentioned....the enemy sends destruction into our paths, not Our Father. The enemy sends doubt into our thoughts, not Our Loving God. The enemy sends strife our way, not The Holy One.

I do believe that God gives us everything we need to defeat any enemy that comes into our path, but I do not think that He allows things to stop us from our daily walk.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

The devil does everything he can to distract us from our purpose...not to stop us from getting to heaven, because that is already decided, and he knows that...but to stop us from using our testimony to get others to God.

I would love to hear others thoughts on this one....it could help encourage me, or anyone else who reads this....what do you think???

Holy Ghost Fit!!

2008-12-20T07:39:00.003-05:00

This morning on the way to work I was dragging big time. I didn't want to be out of bed, I definitely didn't want to go to work. I decided I would turn on some Christian radio to try to revive me. I ended up having me a little Holy Ghost happy dance. I was singing, crying, almost ran off the road. Not what I expected at 730 on a Saturday morning. Anyways, I decided the words to the song were the perfect post for today. So I hope it touches you too (especially the chorus, that's what got me!!!)

"I have been a wayward child
I have acted out
I have questioned sovereignty
and had my share of doubts.

And though sometimes
my prayers feel like their bouncing off the sky,
the hand that holds won't let me go
and is the reason why .

I will stumble
I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes
I will face heartache
But I will not be moved!!!
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand, I will not be moved.

Bitterness has plagued my heart
many times before
My life has been a broken glass
and I have kept the score
of all my shattered dreams
and though it seemed
that I was far too gone
my brokenness helped me to see
it's grace I'm standing on.

And chaos in my life
has been a badge I've worn
and though I have been torn
I will not be moved."

Praise Jesus!!

2008-12-18T14:00:00.002-05:00

All I've got to say is if she can do it....so should you!

Being thankful...even if its late

2008-12-12T21:17:00.002-05:00

Today was a rough (rough is not nearly a strong enough word!!) day at work. I got yelled at by a salesperson, I got yelled at by a customer....I almost popped a blood vessel over it. It was all I could do to control my tongue. I had an algebra teacher in high school who always said the tongue is the strongest muscle in the body, thus the hardest to control. (You have to imagine an older lady, with gray hair in a really tight bun, looking down her nose at you and you'll get the picture) Well today, I finally believe her!! I had a VERY hard time keeping my mouth shut today. But at the end of the day, I decided I had too many things to be thankful to let either of them, or anything else for that matter, get to me. So I decided tonight, I was going to list them. And yes I missed thanksgiving by a couple of weeks, but give me a break, it's been a busy time for me.
Soooo...drum roll......here it goes......

First and foremost, I am thankful that no matter who I am, or what I do, I have a heavenly Father that loves me and looks after me every day. I always think back to the verse that says all the hairs on our heads are numbered. WOW!!! (Imagine that...a year ago I would have never thought I could quote a verse. Maybe I don't have a clue where it is yet, but hey baby steps right??)

I am so thankful for my parents. I love my mommy!! We fought like crazy when I was a kid, but now I don't know what I would do without her. She is my best friend. And my dad, has only physically been around since I was 9, but as far as I am concerned HE is my dad, no matter what blood says. He is always there to pump me up and encourage me in anything I do.

I love my sister too. For all her craziness, I still love her to death. She's still young, and a little nuts....but I am so glad that we are all nearby and can be together whenever we want.

My dearest John....I know I have been rough on him lately, but I really do adore him. I have been trying to approach him from a new angle lately, and I think it has really made a difference. No where near as much yelling, and it continues to get better each day. He is a wonderful father, and that is huge. He could be a crazy, drunk, absent dad...but he's not.

These 3 silly girls are my life...I wouldn't trade anything for them in the world. It is new and fun everyday!! They are so adorable...there are so many moments that I almost cry just looking at them.

I am so thankful for the wonderful church family that we have found. I believe nothing is an accident, God planned for us to be there now. It is amazing to me how perfectly we fit in there. I couldn't ask for anything better. Each and every person at Breakthrough is so amazing, they each hold a special place in my heart. I know without a shadow of a doubt, if I ever needed any of them, all I'd have to do is ask, and they wouldn't hesitate for a second.

I am amazed at the way God is using me. I am loving Praise and Worship with the kids. Every week I think, maybe I'll have someone fill in so I can go to "real church". But then God reminds me I don't have to be in the sanctuary to praise Him. He is so right (duh!!) I love singing with the kids, they have so much fun, energy, and excitement all rolled into a little tiny body.

I am extremely thankful for the new found relationship that I am entering into with God. Each day I feel a little closer to Him. I never thought this would be where I am, but I love it. And I ask for more each day. He freely gives as the heart desires.

I am sure there are tons more....but I'm going to start with these. I just needed to take some time to remember no matter how bad it may seem, it never really is "that" bad.

On the edge...

2008-12-10T22:08:00.003-05:00

Why do I feel like I am always right on the edge?

On the edge of a breakthrough or a breakdown? I'm not sure which. I know God has plans for me and my family....but at the same time I also know the devil has plans to stop them. It just feels like a constant power struggle inside of me. I know it sounds like a ridiculous cartoon that we have all seen, but I feel like God has one arm and Satan has the other, and they are just constantly tugging in each direction. And some days I am just so tired...too tired to fight either way. I feel like my life is a huge roller coaster ride, with tons of ups and downs. But honestly, I'm ready for the flat part of the ride. I don't want to be worried anymore about more about the big drop that is just around the corner.

And yes I know that I am being melodramatic....but I just want things to be simplier. Why does everything have to seem like a battle?

Three in one

2008-12-08T20:43:00.002-05:00

I was thinking today about how differently I act in different places. There is Libby at church, Libby at work, and Libby at home. And sometimes they are all polar opposites.
Libby at church and Libby at home are finally starting to come together as one. I am finding ways to share my feelings and faiths at home, without being pushy. You don't have to talk the talk all the time...sometimes you just need to walk the walk in front of them. I am very happy with the progress that is happening in our house, no matter how slow it may seem. God tapped me on the shoulder the other day and said that He doesn't have to show John, He only has to remind John of His might. John knows, or at least he used know at one point, but just some where along the way he forgot how wonderful Our God is. How faithful, how caring, how loving, how gracious, how forgiving, how amazing, and just HOW BIG He is!!!! I know God can do ALL things, but to me reminding John seems much easier than showing him for the first time.
My problem lately though is figuring out who Libby at work is. It's hard to be the boss, you can't say this, or you shouldn't do that...but somewhere along the line you still have to be tough. I have been very concerned lately with some of the things happening at work. If things are being done by upper management that I don't agree with, at what point just because I'm there does it make me just as guilty? My grandmother always used to say "If you lay down with dogs, you'll wake up with fleas." I know I don't work for a christian business, but still....should I have to be a different person? Or hold back who I am supposed to be?
I have been sick (AGAIN!!) lately, and I was talking to my mom today. I told her I think I am just basically worn out. I get sick, and feel guilty about missing work so I don't, but then I never get completely better, so I just get beat down and sick again. My mom's answer to that was I needed to cut down on some of the "extra" stuff I do so that it doesn't affect work. She said I couldn't let volunteering at the kids school or at church keep me from being able to do my job. I told her that was completely wrong. 50 hours + work a week, that's what wears me out. I shouldn't have to give up what I enjoy so that I can be at work more!! I could barely talk at all today (and I'm in sales!!) and it never occurred to anyone to say "hey, you know what? You are always here, you look like you feel bad, go home." At what point are we trying too hard and killing ourselves to impress others, than to do what's right for us? I know that God has a vision for me....and it is not hocking furniture for the rest of my life!! Don't get me wrong, I love it, but it is not going to define my existence.

Ok....I am officially stepping off my soap box now. My biggest downfall, at work, at home, at the kids school, and yes even at church is that I don't know how to just say no. At some point, I have to slow down and get some rest. So if you pray for me at all, I hope it will be for the ability to finally learn to say no occasionally.

It's a New Season

2008-12-06T23:02:00.002-05:00

"It's a New Season.
It's a New Day.
Fresh Annointing is coming my way.
It's a season of power and prosperity.
It's a new season coming to me."

This song just popped into my head as I sat here thinking about what to type. Every time we think we are "out" of fresh oil or fresh wine, God fills us again. We are given a Fresh Annointing to deal with each day that is set before us. All we have to do is slow down long enough to ask for it and then be ready to listen and then do what He says. It may not be the way we see, or the way we want to handle it, or the way we think it should go....but we have to realize that HE knows so much more than us. And wants the best for for His children, no matter how it may seem on the surface. He knows our past, our present, and our future. I'm guessing if He says go left, not right...He knows what is at the end of that road for us, and maybe we should listen. I'm not saying it will always be easy, but why do we always tend to take everyone else's advice before His? The hard headed, self reliant, "know-it-all" in us all may not think He has it all figured out, but I am starting to learn, He does.

My shelter

2008-12-01T19:55:00.002-05:00

There has been a song in my heart the last few days that we sang at our church in SC. It has been resonating in my spirit for a while, so I decided the words to that song was a perfect posting to share. It's called "Made Me Glad" by Hillsong.

I will bless the Lord forever.
I will trust Him at all times.
He has delivered me from all fear.
He set my feet upon a rock I will not be moved.
And I'll say of the Lord...
You are my shield, My strength, My portion, Deliverer, My shelter, Strong tower,
My very present help in time of need.
Whom have I in heaven but You.
There's none I desire besides You.
You have made me glad.
And I'll say of the Lord...
You are my shield, My strength, my portion, delivered, my shelter, strong tower,
My very present help in time of need.

Amen and Amen!!!

I am ready!

2008-11-27T20:20:00.002-05:00

I am determined to get into the spirit of Christmas!! I am going to have a great month, no matter how the things around me appear. We may not "seem" to have the money, but I know it will be okay. Work may "seem" like it is going to be a nightmare, but I'm not going to let it get under my skin. The house may "seem" upside down, but I'm not going to stress about it. Because there are much more important things in my life. I have a wonderful husband....he may not be everything I want him to be, but it could be much worse. He could be a drunk, or a drug addict, or violent, or even not here at all. But he's not any of those things, and I thank God for that. I have 3 wonderful daughters, who make me smile each and every day. My parents and sister are near by too....which is such a blessing. And besides our natural family, we have a wonderful church family that we love and adore. I am so blessed to know all of them, and I look forward to the journey God has for all of us together.
So now matter how crazy this month always seems to get....slow down and enjoy it.

Take Time

2008-11-26T21:11:00.002-05:00

There's no way to sugar coat this, it has been a rough week. I'm tired, and I'm sick and tired. My body is wore out, and my nerves are shot. My boss tells me I'm too easy on my salespeople, and then turns around and tells me a salesperson came to him crying that I was too hard on her. Then he said oh by the way we need you to work Wednesday and Sunday this week. I am just totally fried!!

Well today I decided I was going to just relax and not things get to me. I always give the salespeople a motivational quote each morning. Here was today's "You can't pour the perfume of happiness on someone else without a few drops getting on yourself." I told them I knew that the hustle and bustle of the season can be crazy and unbearable. But I want us to be different. Let's keep the Christmas spirit, enjoy it, and have fun!!

Tonight in Kidszone, we had a blast! We let go and had fun in praise and worship. We danced and sang and giggled. And you know what....there is nothing wrong with that!!! I know I needed it. It reminded me that sometimes you just have to stop whining about what you don't have, and just honestly be thankful for what you do have!! Thank you God for all you have done for me, are doing for me, and will still do for me!!

Where's my miracle?

2008-11-23T19:37:00.002-05:00

It has been a while since I have written, I have sort of been lost in my own misery and not really sure how to get out of it or share it either. I tend to always tell people who ask me "Oh I'm fine" or "Good and you?" and never really talk to anyone about what is going on. I have never had very much luck on the friend scene, so I have a hard time sharing with anyone. And yes, I know, that's not the way God intended, but I have just felt very isolated lately. It's hard to share my worries and concern about our household with so many happily married christian couples. Some days its hard to even sit in church and look around and see so many couples there together. It hurts my heart so much, I can't even explain it. When I see a family sitting together on a row, and the husband very lovingly puts his arm around his wife's shoulders as she shivers with tears during a service touches my heart and breaks it all at the same time. Today a very nice dad at church says to me "you look like your hands are full, can I help?" I almost broke down into tears, I shouldn't have to depend on another man to help us get to the car after church, MINE should be there!! Not only for himself, but for us! I am sick and tired of seeing other families praising together, or praying together....it's mine turn. It may sound selfish...but this is where I'm at.

Well this morning at church God spoke very clearly to me. Just because it may not look like He is doing a work in our house, doesn't mean He is not right in the middle of our mess. Just because the vision He has given me about our family can't be seen right now, doesn't mean it's not coming. I have to be able to look past the current circumstances and see clear to the end result, and just BE PATIENT!!

I just realized something I said to Tyler this week, that I should take as advice for myself. It's much easier sometimes to teach it than to believe it for ourselves. Tyler's eye has been acting up for a while due to allergies, it has been red, and itchy, and irritated. We prayed over it directly one night, laid hands on it and asked that the aggravation be taken away from her. I told Tyler that when we pray for healing, it doesn't always just miraculously get better, it could mean that we know the right medicine to use, or it begins to clear over a few days. But I wanted her to understand just because it didn't immediately change, didn't mean God wasn't listening to her prayers. Well about 2 days after that, she was standing next to me, and my mom was saying maybe we should go see a doctor for it. Right at that moment, I looked at Tyler, and it was in just the right light, and at just the right angle, I saw what looked like a scratch on her eye. So I knew it was time to see a doctor. I talked to Tyler on the way to the doctor, that this was God answering our prayers. If I hadn't looked at her face at exactly that moment I wouldn't have seen it, and probably wouldn't have taken her to the doctor. Plus, I told her that God gives the doctors the knowledge to help us as well. So even though it look like a miraculous healing, God still had a hand in it all along. I need to take these teachings to a 9 year old and apply them in my own life! And remember just because we can't see our miracle right now, doesn't mean it's not coming.

What's your hang up?

2008-11-05T22:21:00.002-05:00

The last few weeks in Kidzone, we have been singing a song called "God is Big". The kids love this song, in fact I love this song. They get so excited, and they scream it at the top of their lungs, because they don't know any different. None of the "junk" of the world clouds their view of God. Tyler said to me on the way home from church tonight "did you know that there was no beginning of time, that God always was." And she was completely amazed by it!!

The last few days I have been praying for God to help me "deal" with all kinds of stuff....help me deal with Abigail's asthma, help me deal with bad attitudes at work, help me deal with my frustrations at home....but here's the thing, by asking Him to help me "deal" with it, I am putting Him in a tiny box. I am making Him so much smaller than He actually is. Don't help me deal with Abigail's illnesses, just heal her, take them away from her. Don't help me deal with bad attitudes at work, change their hearts, make me a positive influence that is so BIG they can't help but agree. Don't help me deal with frustration, take the burden off my heart to handle it alone, and help me to truly hand it over to You.

I had no idea how much I was limiting what I thought God could do. How much lack of faith that I really have. He is so much bigger than we can even imagine, our tiny brains can't even begin to comprehend. I can't wait for the day when I get to stand in front of God and say "oh, now I get it".

Did I say that???

2008-11-01T23:04:00.002-04:00

Everyday I get about 5 different scripture references sent to my email. 1 for healing, 1 for prosperity, 1 for faith building...anyways. As the day goes on, I read them at work to remind me that there is someone bigger than me standing in the gap for me everyday. The verses always seem to be right on time for me...it always seems like it was just what I needed to hear at the moment. Well today I was reading one of the emails that had this verse in it:
Mark 16:17-18 "And these signs will follow those who believe: In My name they will cast out demons; they will speak with new tongues; they will take up serpents; and if they drink anything deadly, it will by no means hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick,and they will recover." It was one I had heard before, didn't really seem to be that big of a deal at the moment...but....one of my salespeople was reading it over my shoulder. He then says "I remember back in the 70's when people really thought they could speak in other tongues" and he proceeded to say a bunch of mumbo-jumbo and then laugh hysterically. Normally, because I didn't want to possibly offend someone, I would have just kept my mouth shut...but today the Lord was not allowing me to get by with that one. The words were coming out of my mouth before I even knew it. I said well actually there are still lots of people TODAY that believe that speaking in tongues is still very real and use them all the time. He laughed again and said "oh come on, you're kidding right? You don't believe in the mess do you?" I said actually I do, I believe there are many examples of tongues throughout the bible, first there are times when people spoke in their own language and everyone heard it in their own, then there are times when there are tongues spoken to a congregation through a member that someone will always have an interpretation for, and then the final type of tongues is a prayer language used to speak directly to God. I think I sort of shocked him, he quit laughing and started to ask real questions. He asked if I thought people yelling and screaming and acting crazy were real. I told him there are always people who put on just for the show, but I personally know people very close to me who very often and fluently pray in the spirit, and I trust them 100% and know that I know that I know that it is real! I told him that as you get more intimate with God in prayer there is a language that comes that is only between you and God.
I couldn't believe that I said that. I would normally not even begin to give my Christian views at work, I always felt that was one place that I shouldn't show that side of myself. But you know what....who cares what they think. Maybe by saying that someone will get one step closer to God. And you know what? If no one there did, I at least hope it will be me, bring me one step closer!!

Nothing is an accident

2008-10-26T22:10:00.003-04:00

I have always thought that things happen for a reason...but today I think it goes one step further...I believe nothing happens by accident. Everything is planned out, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, by someon SO much bigger than us.

I always used to be a very impatient driver. I hated getting behind someone taking their sweet time and getting in my way. Then one day someone said to be....what if God was slowing you down on purpose? What if there was an accident just waiting to happen, that if you had been there 5 seconds earlier it could have been you? I take it now as a purposeful delay. What if the last 10 seconds of the song I am listening to on the way to work is the 5 words that I needed to get through the day, even if I didn't know it yet?

As I continue to pray for John to join us at church, something hit me today. It was no accident that he was the one who found the article in the newspaper about the grand opening of Breakthrough. He only looks at the paper once in a blue moom, and the one he choose to read that week had the article in it. As I type this now, I realize it is even much deeper than that. When he read the article he said it seems very much like your church in SC. He never went to church with us there, maybe once in the 3 years we went....how did he know what "our" church was like?? Apparently he saw enough of it in me and the girls that he know what it was about. That is awesome!! I think it wasn't by chance that he found Breakthrough for us...I am taking that as a sign straight from God. An omen if you will, of his future desire to join us there. I just have to wait until the time is right! If I can just be patient, and wait for God to reveal it...I just pray He will use me in every way He can to make the difference, whatever it takes.

Constantly amazed

2008-10-23T08:03:00.002-04:00

This one is an easy one to write, something happened at church last night that completely took my breath away. In our children's worship we have Praise and Worship with all the kids, then we circle up and pray together before splitting into the age groups. Every time we circle up, I ask if anyone of them wants to lead us in prayer, usually no one says anything, and I always say that's ok, one day you will and go ahead and pray myself or have one of the other teachers lead.
Last night was different....I almost didn't ask, but something told me to....one lonely hand shot up like a light! I have to say I would have been proud no matter who's hand it was, but it happened to be my oldest daughter Tyler. My heart just lit up on the inside, I was so happy that she was willing to step out in faith, no matter what anyone else thought.

We have been praying more at home, and she will lead us sometimes, but its usually the standard help us have a good meal, or a good nights sleep, or a good day at school. But I haven't said anything to her because at this point any prayer is great! Well last night in Kidzone, she prayed all that first then....she says if there is anything on anyone's heart that is burdening them, I pray for them that You can take it away. I almost cried!!! It was so perfect, and so pure. Some days, she amazes me.

The other day we were at a friend's house who happens to home school all her children (bless her heart!!) and I wondered if my kids were missing out by us not doing that. Are they being exposed to things at school that we don't want them involved in? Are we making the right choice? God very quickly stirred my spirit and said that Tyler is going to be a very strong light for Jesus anywhere she goes, and if she stayed home everyday, how many kids would miss out on that blessing that is to come through her??

Hide all the mirrors!!

2008-10-20T22:02:00.003-04:00

It is so hard to look in the mirror and see someone you didn't even realize you had become. What happened to that happy go lucky girl, who was all about her music, and didn't care what anybody else thought of her? Where did she go? I wish she would come back, I miss her.

But, in the same breath...I'm glad she's gone. We go through (notice I said through!!) things that shape us into the people we are to become. And on top of that, we go through (again with the through) the things that God has planned out for us so that we come out on the other side a different person. A smarter person, a more loving person, a more devoted person, a more focused person, a person that God can use to do His work.

It is very easy to lose sight of the person we want to be, and get caught up in the everyday, angry, hurt, bitter, miserable, fill in your own adjective, crazy person that we swore we would never be. In the process of praying for my husband, I am daily asking God to mold me into the wife I should be. Its amazing how many of the issues are not with him, but they are with ME!!! It isn't that he isn't listening to me about God, its that I'm not talking about God in front of him. It isn't that he won't consider going to church, its that I quit asking. Simply because I wasn't getting the answer I wanted right away. I can't expect it to be different overnight...it's a process. God will not throw Himself on you, He's not intrusive. He has to be invited in. I can't expect my husband to just wake up and one day say "Oh wow, I need God". I have to be patient, loving, kind, and continue to pray.

Lord, help me to be open to anything you would have me say so that I may be a small part in doing Your Will, not mine. Help me to stay calm and focused even when the devil is screaming at me that it will never happen. Help me to be the kind of wife you want me to be, cleanse me of any anger, past or present, any hurt feelings, anything that I could be holding against him. Soften my heart so I can be the best vessel for you that I can be. Renew me, remake me, undo me, unbreak me. In Jesus name I humbly pray. Amen.

New frontier

2008-10-17T20:16:00.002-04:00

The days are getting better, for real!! I am amazed by the things that can happen when you ask God for them. I have been really trying to be calmer and more understanding lately....and it makes a difference to the response you get from other people. The book I have been reading really emphasizes that before you can ask God to change someone else, you better start with asking Him to change you first. 9 times out of 10, it may not be the other person at all!

I have been asking God to help me be more loving, and less argumentative, and slower to anger or show extreme emotions. There were some days it is very hard to stay calm and be nice, when no one else is...but self control is a good thing. Well, last night it paid off. John and I had a couple of hours together, just us, after the kids went to bed. It was perfect!! Nothing major, just a little time alone. Some days it seems like we lead very separate lives under the same roof, we each have our own little routines, and we kind of leave each other to them. But last night, they sort of converged, we were really "together". I told him how much I appreciated the time with him. Then God quicken me to say something before I even realized I was saying it....I told John that I had been praying to God to give us some time alone. I was praying a free trip for a weekend away would come up at work, and it would be given to me, so that John and I could go away. Please understand, that wasn't about my asking God for material things, it was about having some quality time with just John. We never do anything without the girls, we need some us time. But last night was a wonderful start. For me to tell him that I was praying about us was a HUGE step for me. I always try to shelter him from that sort of talk to avoid confrontation. But what do I have to lose? He's going to think what he wants to think anyways. But what if telling him this time could make the difference? What if I didn't tell him and lost that one opportunity to touch his heart?
I am just blessed. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our daily hum drum we forget to slow down and appreciate all the wonderful things God has for us. They may not be wrapped up all pretty and neat like we want them to be, but they are still ours!

Here's a bonus one....last night after I prayed for Abigail, she said I pray for you momma. I said ok. She leaned over to me, put her hand on my forehead, said take care of momma, AMEN!! Love that baby girl!!!

GOD IS BIG!!!

2008-10-12T14:27:00.002-04:00

I started reading a book today suggested to me by 2 wonderful friends called "The Power of a Praying Wife". I have read 1 chapter so far, and I am already crying my eyes out over it. The first few pages have pulled so many things that are happening in my life together, its got me completely in awe. You know how little things happen or are said to you and you don't really know why or what they are for at the time....then a couple of weeks later, God pulls it all together and makes it all make sense. That's exactly what is happening for me right now.

If you have been reading these blogs, you have seen that I am trying to get the girls more comfortable and accustomed to praying. **Here I thought it was for them, when lo and behold God says uh no, that was for you silly!** The first thing this book says is its much easier to pray for our children because from the first moment of their little life we want to do everything we can for them, its our mothers heart...but it says we have to take that same passion to pray for our husbands as well. No one has the same heart as a women, there is nothing like us...ON PURPOSE!!! He made us this way for a reason, use it!! So now that I have been more aggressive about prayer for the girls, I just need those same emotions for my husband and my marriage.

The second thing that all came together today is how big our God truly is. Pastor Nate preached on this today at church. And I said amen, and agreed, and understood it. But I didn't really know how to apply it until I started this book. I always felt there was no way for us to get to the place where I wanted us to be in our marriage. Don't get me wrong, its not horrible, I just want the whole fairy tale. I felt like nothing could ever change this enough....We seemed so far away from the ideal relationship, how could we ever get there??? But one line in this book made me realize. She says "You have to trust that God is big enough to accomplish all this and more." There it is. Our God is so exceedingly bigger than we could ever imagine, He can do all things. Not me, but HIM!!! I have to allow Him to show me what to say, how to react, how to respond....and things will change.

Thanks to Jacquie and Michelle for suggesting this book. If the first 5 pages are this good, I can't wait to see the rest.

Don't push that button!!!

2008-10-10T20:31:00.002-04:00

Have you ever seen the movie Dennis the Menace with Walter Mathau? Where the kid can't help himself, every time he sees a button he HAS to push it. He tries so hard not to, but he just can't stop. Well that's how I have felt this week. I feel like everyone is pushing my buttons and just begging me to push theirs back.

But I have made a decision, a promise to God and myself that I will not give in so easily. I will not respond to every poke with a poke. I refuse to be mislead by the devil so quickly. Every time we take a step towards the right atmosphere in this house, the devil gives John these great little "pokes" to throw at me. It fires me up so much, and all I want to do is send a fiery dart right back his direction as loud and mean as I can. But I am not going to fall into that trap anymore. That is the easy way out. I am not going to do it anymore. I calmly say, that's ok, or whatever you say, or I'll try honey. Don't get me wrong, it's not easy....in fact it is horrible. Because sometimes that makes the "pokes" coming my direction get even bigger, and uglier, and harder to resist. But I will not let the devil win any longer.

Whether its my boss, my employees, my children, or my husband....I will not give in to the devil's ways any longer. I will not allow any comments to stir my spirit in a negative way. Happiness is a choice that we can make everyday....and I choose to be blissfully happy in every day that the Lord has given me to share with my family and friends!!

How do you do it??

2008-10-08T11:23:00.002-04:00

As a working mother, I get asked all the time....how do you do it? In fact a customer of mine asked me that very question last night. She said that she got home at 730pm and was doing her "house things", and she thought of me, working all day, then going home to a husband and 3 kids...she said she had no idea how I could do it.

So I decided to stop and think about it for a minute, just how do I do it? I came up with 3 reasons or ways that I get things done. First of all, is I just decide that's what's got to be done, and do it. Once I set my mind to something, there is no other way. I just pre-plan a lot, I'm a list maker. The key to that is keeping up with the lists! But seriously, I work 50 hours a week, because it has to be done, we decided we wanted a nice home, a good place for the girls to grow up, a dependable car...so certain things have to happen to live in such a beautiful place. Yes, the cost of living is higher in WNC, but look around, how could you not love to live here!! My mom and I took the girls on the boat tour of Lake Lure on Sunday, all the tourists were saying how gorgeous the views were...I leaned into Tyler and said "and just think we LIVE here!!" It's amazing.

The second way I am able to do what I do is with a wonderful husband. I will admit John is not the perfect husband, but I don't think anyone is. I will say he is a great father, and he will do anything for these girls. Even if it means working at night so they don't have to go to a babysitter or daycare. He wants them to have the opportunities that he didn't have growing up. There are some husbands who are home during the day that want to just sit around though...not John. He has been helping with the daily mundane house junk that has to be done, he cooks, he is teaching Abigail her ABC's...I am amazed with him actually. Other than laundry, he does it all. He may not be going to church with us this point as I'd like, but it's all in God's time, not Libby's, I just have to be patient.

And the 3rd way I can do all things is through Jesus. Check out this verse I found this morning, it really sums it all up.....it's 1Peter 4:10-12
10Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. 11If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

That's it in a nutshell...everything I do I try to do with excellence, I do not settle for mediocre. So why not, in this short time we are here, do all they we can with everything we have in us???

Thank God for Tuesday!!

2008-10-06T20:14:00.002-04:00

Let me just say Hallelujah it's finally Tuesday...the girls go back to school in the morning!!

Don't get me wrong, I love them all...but it is time to get back to our regular schedule. They have eaten us out of house and home. The house has been upside down for 3 weeks. I am definitely ready to get back to normal. It has been a very long break, but I think a very productive break. Apryl has learned to tie her shoes, Tyler went to a young leaders camp, and Abigail has had her big sissies around to play with. But the best part of all...me and the girls are coming together every night to agree in prayer. Tonight, I told them we would all sit down and pray for school...Tyler asked "can we each have a turn to pray about certain things for school?" ABSOLUTELY YOU CAN!!!

They are each at the point where they want to pray, they aren't afraid to. And the main reason is....because the have seen it WORK!!! They have seen healings up close and personal. But also the faith of a child is amazing. It's trusting, loving, and blind...it has no limitations. They believe that anything is possible, because it truly is! I only wish I could be as sure as they are.

I always want them to learn for me...but I hope that is one thing I can eventually learn from them.

The wind is blowing....

2008-10-04T21:01:00.002-04:00

Things that may seem to other people as small and uneventful, are major steps for me. I am so excited about the little changes I am seeing in this household. I pray everyday for the devil to flee from here....and he is!! Don't think for a minute that I don't have to remind him everyday that he is not welcome...because he is a very stubborn adversary. But I will not allow him to have any influence over my family, my house, my children, my husband, or my life.

Here is the small step for tonight, and that's all I have to say. As we were all getting our jammies on to sit down and veg out in front of the TV for a little while Apryl says "so momma, who are we going to pray for tonight?" Not in a smart mouth, I don't want to kind of voice....but in an excited, I know things can get done when we pray kind of voice. They are getting it!!

Thank you Jesus, because I know You can and You will change this situation for your glory!

The forgotten Golden Rule

2008-10-03T20:21:00.003-04:00

What is happening in the world today? When did we forget what it means to treat others as we would like to be treated? Again, I guess my momma just raised me better. But I just don't like the way people interact anymore, in the workplace, in stores, in schools, on TV...which bleeds over into our homes. I don't want my girls thinking its ok to scream and yell at each other, or be rude, or use words that aren't positive and uplifting. What happened to just being nice to each other because it's what we should do?

It happens everyday at work...whether its from employees or customers, it happens more times that I would like to count in a single day. Customers want to be helped and treated with respect...but only when they decide it's time. When the first arrive, they put their hands up and say in the rudest voice possible "I don't need any help, I'm just looking". Why does it have to be so hateful? Or from employees...rather than doing what's expected from them and maybe a little extra, they want to do as little as possible but demand more pay, and more days off, and more benefits. And then they spread their negativity disease to everyone else at work, they tell anybody that will listen how mistreated they are.

I don't want that for my children. I don't want them to grow up in a negative world. I don't want to shelter them either, but I want them to realize that you get more flies with honey, than you do with vinegar.

Tonight Tyler got very loud and obnoxious with me. The exact phrase was "for your information". It lit me up like a firecracker. Typically I would scream and yell, and possible spank her. Tonight, I sent her to her room first. I needed a few minutes to think, to gather myself, to decide where to go next. This week, I have been trying to approach things from a different angle, to try to achieve different results. I needed a bible verse to show her...I wanted her to know not only did I say she shouldn't talk that way, but I wanted her to know that's not what Jesus expected from her either. I went online to use a bible concordance to find something, anything that would work. I looked and looked, and wasn't finding anything. Iwas about to give up. (Of course that's what the devil wanted me to do) I tried to think of someone to call that might know one, but its a little late on Friday, and its not like this was an emergency. But wait, to me, it seemed like an emergency, it was something I wanted to handle now and I wanted to handle it the right way. Finally I came across Matthew 7:12 which says "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets." Thank you Jesus, I found one!!!

I called Tyler back into the room, and I asked her to bring her bible with her. I had her look up the verse. Once she found it, I asked her "what color is that verse?" She said "red". I asked her "what does that mean?" She said "that means Jesus said it". I said "exactly, then read it out loud". We discussed it, I explained to her that means if you don't want to be yelled at, or talked ugly to, or mistreated, then she shouldn't do that to others. I may not have the backup in this house that I desire....but tonight I found backup, the biggest backup of all!! I truly feel like she took it to heart. We discussed if we wanted to be more like Christ, we need to talk more like Christ to everyone around us.

Quick and to the point....

2008-10-01T09:58:00.003-04:00

The seasons are changing outside....and they are inside as well. Every small step will eventually get us there.

You have to choose to do things differently than you ever have before. If you want to see change, it has to start with your attitude. I am determined to see in change in my house. I rebuke the devil, I banish him from this house, he has no place here. Where the glory and praise of the Lord lives, there is room for nothing else!! I will fight for this family, and anyone who gets in my way better watch out. I have set my sights on it...and I will attain it, because I am victorious!!